


Don't Say Fine

by PerfectlyHopeless



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU-High School, AU-boarding school, F/F, Fem!Marco, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jeanna has a red beanie because why not?, Literal AUs, Mentions of Abusive Relationships, PTSD, Slow Build, Tags will be added as this thing progresses, fem!Jean, genderbent, parallel worlds, some underage stuff but it's not that prominent, those last two will make sense in like chapter 6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 65,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1585286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerfectlyHopeless/pseuds/PerfectlyHopeless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When I first saw her there were butterflies in my stomach and in my chest. It was a weird feeling that I honestly hadn't been expecting. It was a first glance through a crowded hall; anyone could've caught my eye. But for whatever reason it was her."</p><p>A first glance in a hall was all it took for Marcy Bodt to fall in love with Jeanna Kirschtien, and all the moments afterward added onto the heartache.<br/>Loving your best friend is hard, and when playing platonic is all you can think to do, you end up asking yourself 'Is it worth the pain?'<br/>But what if you found out that those feelings weren't as unrequited as you initially thought?</p><p>(A cliché fem!fic AU that came to mind when I saw johannathemad's art on tumblr. Rating may change later on.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At First Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcy can't help but stare at the new girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow internet users! My name is Hopeless. I'm usually over on fanfic.net, but thanks to tumblr I've found the lovely AO3~! I'm still new though I've been trolling the SNK section trying to find more good Jeanmarco fics. I've yet to see any genderbends, so here you go!
> 
> This fic was more or less inspired by the lovely fanart drawn by the beautiful johannathemad. If you're not following her, you should be. [This is the drawing I saw that started all of this .-.](http://johannathemad.tumblr.com/image/81758079875)
> 
> Edit: [The first chapter of "Jean's" point of view is live!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1887582/chapters/4067178) So have fun!  
> Anyways, I'm infamous for rambling notes. So lets move on!~  
> (Also, I wasn't aware until recently that Hanji's gender is up to the read. I've always seen her as a her, so just a head's up that I use feminine pronouns.)

* * *

 

When I first saw her there were butterflies in my stomach and in my chest. It was a weird feeling that I honestly hadn't been expecting. It was a first glance through a crowded hall; anyone could've caught my eye. But for whatever reason it was her. She was scowling at a pile of papers that she was carrying in her arms, while at the same time she was trying to keep her straps (not just the ones on her backpack, I must add) on her shoulders. A smile found its way to my face as she sneered, using the Starbucks cup in her hand to try to keep the papers level.

She had a pretty face, even when angry. Thin features that were perfectly proportionate with the shape of her head. Her hair was in a strange style that I'd never seen before; the top half of it long, sandy blonde and pulled into a ponytail with bangs that covered her forehead, while the lower half was dark brown and shaved close to her head. Almost a buzz cut. It was... intriguing.

Swears escaped her lips and her face contorted into a grimace as she continued to juggle papers. I laughed lightly at this, keeping my tone low enough that she wouldn't notice. Nothing would make me come across as more of an ass than laughing at the new girl who was clearly struggling. I would've helped her, but I wasn't a complete idiot. As pretty as her scowls were, they were scowls nonetheless. And there was also her coffee. I wasn't about to get between her and that so early in the morning.

I bit my tongue to silence my amusement and continued making my way to my first class.

Trost Academy. It was... special, for lack of a better term. It was a private boarding school that was more relaxed than I'd originally expected. For one they didn't have uniforms, which I found to be incredibly odd. I was relieved, don't get me wrong. I hated uniforms with a passion, thanks to my previous schools, and nearly panicked when my folks told me they'd be sending me here for my last two years of high school. But I mean, a private school that apparently had a decent reputation but didn't have a uniform? I dunno, it's weird.

The uniform bit wasn't the only thing about TA that made it special. The campus and town were odd. The dorms were a bit of a distance from the school, more like small apartments than dorms, and the little town we were in seemed completely devoted to the school. The stores were all supporting it and other crap like that, and the school was just swimming in donations. This meant we had rather nice tech and equipment, but when I thought back to how my last school was still using Windows XP and the sports were shit it made me feel... bitter towards TA. Like, was the school really that great?

I sighed, running my hand my thick brown locks and twisting the ends with my fingers. Checking my watch, I grimaced at the time before jogging through the halls to get to class.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

First and second period passed by way too fast for my liking. It was as if the teachers had all talked to one another and decided that they would fly through lessons this particular Monday, talking as fast as they could and going through every PowerPoint at lightning fast speeds. I'd let out several annoyed groans thanks to my crappy mechanical pencil lead breaking. My handwriting was normally decent, albeit a bit sloppy, but my notes were practically illegible thanks to the speed at which I was writing now.

_Agh! What was the point of bothering to write anything!?_

My face was pinched as I made my way to chemistry. I could only hope that Ms. Hanji missed whatever meeting all the others seemed to have attended.

Luck was on my side, and I puffed out a sigh of relief as I slid into my seat; third across in the third row on the right side. Hanji wasn't there yet, meaning that I had time to prepare myself for the lesson.

The ever eccentric chemistry teacher came dancing  in just before the tardy bell rang. Her dark eyes were bright as she pulled on her tie-dyed lab coat. She pulled out her clipboard and pen and began to call role.

"Armin Arlert!" she called out, his name being first.

The mousy blonde boy in the first seat on the second row to the left stiffened and chimed in with a "Present."

I smirked. When he wasn't with his team (aka, Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman) he was kinda shy. Armin was a good kid, though. He helped me with homework when school first started, back before the seating chart shuffled.

A couple people later and Hanji came to my number on the roster. "Marcella Bodt!"

I grimaced, my nose scrunching up at mention of my full name. I'd told her time and time again just to call me Marcy, it had been a nickname for as long as I could remember, but I supplied her with a "Here" and opened my binder to the section of loose leaf, ready to take another set of fast paced notes. Hanji was generally an incredibly considerate teacher, and the fact that this was an academic class versus an honors meant she went a bit slower in general. That gave me some hope.

My left hand tapped absentmindedly on the table, another song swirling in my mind. My eyes closed and my thoughts became nothing but melodies.

_Careful Marce.... No distractions... don't forget this one t-..._

The classroom door swung open violently, the thick wood colliding with the wall and successfully knocking me out of my daydream. My hands slammed against the table and my eyes grew wide as soon as I heard the crash. The song in my head became a mass of jumbled notes, as if I'd just slammed into a piano. The cacophony of horrid sounds swirling in my thoughts gave me a head-ache. It didn't help that my heart was racing as well.

"I'm here!" a loud feminine voice announced. Hands moving to my chest to try and steady my breathing, I looked across the room and furrowed my brows. It was the girl from earlier.

Her once intriguing hair was now a mess, and she was breathing heavily as though she'd just run a mile and a half to get here. She pulled at the straps of her top and cleared her throat as she turned towards Ms. Hanji. "My name is Jeanna Kirschtien, I should be in this class."

My head tilted at the way she pronounced her name, letting the consonants linger and blend with the vowels, giving them an accent while the rest of her words were void of any.

Ms. Hanji nodded and offered her a smile. "The counselor mentioned a new student. Jeanna..." Hanji ran her hand down the roster and smiled as she marked her. The new girl's nose turned up and she scowled at the way Hanji said her name, pronouncing the 'J' heavily. "... take a seat there-" fourth across on the first row to the right "-for now, and we'll start the lesson soon."

Jeanna nodded and sat in her seat, her hands reaching back to fix the ponytail as she let out a loud sigh. I stared at her, my eyes transfixed on the way she moved. Now that she was relaxed every one of her movements seemed to have a definite purpose, as if she knew exactly what to do at any given moment in time. The fluid way in which she moved was mesmerizing, and I found myself watching her until Hanji had finished calling role.

The class carried on and Hanji started talking about bonds between metals, non-metals, and something about Roman numerals... Whatever it was it was confusing, though science tended to come fairly naturally to me. I knew that after a couple of days I'd understand, but it didn't help that Jeanna was sitting _right there._ Two rows in front of me and to the right. It was a horrible angle for sure. All I could see was the back of her head and, when she occasionally moved to see the notes on the board, the handful of earrings that were struck through her lobe and cartilage. The only time she ever moved in a way that broke her intent was to fidget with one of the fish-hooked charms or gold hoops. She did this with her left hand while her right copied the board.

 ... well, the angle wasn't all that bad...

Sitting up straighter, I forced myself to pay attention, staring ahead at the white board and rerunning everything Ms. Hanji said through my thought processes and my notes.

But I kept stealing glances...

The rest of the day was like normal, but there was something gnawing at the back of my mind when I went to the music room. The girl, Jeanna... At first I thought it was just the way she looked and acted that drew my attention to her, but the longer I thought about it the more it felt like.... something else.

_I've never even met the girl, but maybe..._

I shook my head, my overactive imagination being just that. _Give it up Marce,_ I scolded myself. _You're acting crazy again..._

With a sigh I shrugged off the straps to my backpack and dropped it beside me. I sat down on the piano bench and smiled while I closed my eyes, my fingers touching the keys and pressing down. A wide grin stretched across my face as the beautiful notes echoed off the walls of the music room.

The melody I had been thinking up during chem returned to mind and my fingers started dancing along the keys. I kept my eyes closed, afraid that I might screw up if my mind returned to reality too quickly.

I'm not sure how long I spent in the music room, but eventually my room-mate came looking for me.

"Marcy!" Sasha called. My fingers stopped what they were doing and I froze.

_Agh! Fuck me..._

My room-mate was as quirky and as special as TA. She was always hungry, never shut up, and she was a slob. I can't count the number of times I'd had to clean her stuff off of my side of the room. Mainly pizza boxes.

But she was nice. She had a good heart and was pretty smart. It helped to counter against the annoying.

"Marcy!" she called again. She was getting closer. "I know you're in there! I could hear you playing!"

... I did say 'helped'.

I bit my lip and slid down the bench, picking up my bag as I did so, before standing and leaving the poorly lit room.

Sasha stood just beyond the door, arms folded over her chest as she tried to give me a disapproving look. Her attempts at intimidation weren't working. She was shorter and smaller than me, but that wasn't anything unusual. I was about 5'10" and had been told I have an "athletic" build, whatever that meant, making me bigger than most everyone I knew.

In any case, she was annoyed and I was going to have to listen to and acknowledge her words. Sometimes I was just too nice.

"Marcy," she started. "School ended almost two hours ago. Why are you still here? You've got homework right...?"

I nodded as she spoke, giving her the illusion that I was paying attention while my thoughts travelling back to music. My fingers tapped against my legs, the jean fabric of my shorts acting as my keys. The ever changing tune continued to morph, the notes never agreeing with each other.

My hands balled up into fists as I followed obediently beside Sasha, my pace falling in time with hers as we walked down the street to the dorms. The smells of the downtown restaurants surrounded me and my stomach growled, interrupting my daydreams and Sasha's lecturing.

If my stomach was growling, I could only imagine how hungry my room-mate was.

Her words trailed off, seemingly forgotten as the smells of dinner rush overpowered all her other senses. "Y-you know what? Let's grab something for dinner. I haven't eaten in, like, an hour."

I rolled my eyes at her, but the smile on my face was genuine. She looked up at me and grinned sheepishly before starting to jog down the sidewalk.

The usual crowd was out. It was somewhere around six o'clock, meaning that most students had decided to take a break from homework and studying to socialize. It was a pretty sweet set-up, if you asked me. The dorms were only a couple blocks away and the restaurants around served decent food at decent prices. It was like living in a mall and having the food court right there at all times.

Despite the growling of my stomach I didn't feel all that hungry. I watched with amusement as Sasha ran into a pizza place, and something told me the box was going to end up on my side if she didn't finish the whole thing in one go. Yay...

I walked into the nearest shop, a burger joint without a real name. It didn't need one. All the students at TA had heard of this place and it's epic chili cheese fries, which happens to be exactly what I ordered.

"Hey, Freckles," a voice behind me called. My brows furrowed as I tried to place it. Something tapped my shoulder and I turned around. My heart stuttered in my chest when I came face to face with the new girl.

"Uh, hello?" I tried, lifting a brow and ignoring my weird circulatory system.

"Yeah, hi," Jeanna said, stuffing a hand in her shorts pocket. "I've never been here, so what should I get?"

A grin pulled at my face. "Chili fries," I said automatically.

Her brows raised and her eyes went wide. "What the fuck is that?"

"You've never heard of chili fries!?" My jaw fell open. "What kinda rock have you been living under?"

Her face fell and she began tugging on the end of her ponytail. It looked like I'd just scolded a puppy, her whole tough-girl persona thrown out the figurative window.

I shook my head and sighed. "Hey, no worries. If you want, you can share mine? One portion is kinda big and I'm not that hungry."

Her confused expression returned, brows furrowed and head tilting slightly. "I don't even know you."

"You're in my chemistry class, so let's just call it getting to know our classmates."

Jeanna stared at me while brows furrowed. All of a sudden her eyes grew wide and she snapped. "Oh yeah! You're the kid I nearly gave a heart attack."

My face flushed out of embarrassment and I hid behind my hair as I picked up my food and Pepsi can. "Heh, yeah... that was me..."

She pushed at her bangs before leaning close to the tray with my food, staring at it like a science project gone wrong. "That's... um..."

"I believe the word you're looking for is 'awesome'," I laughed, picking up a couple forks and a straw. I handed her a fork and guided her over to the booth in the back corner.

"You're way too nice," Jeanna stated, face plain and tone blunt.

Brows furrowing, I stared at her. "Um, sorry...?"

Jeanna made a sound in her throat and the emotions returned, her eyes wide and cheeks colored with a soft flush. "I... No, that's not a bad thing. It's just that you're an unnamed classmate of mine that's feeding me on my first day here."

A soft smile pulled at my cheeks as I tapped the top of my Pepsi, doing so hopefully helping to settle any fizz. "I'm Marcy. You're Jeanna, yes?" I made sure to pronounce it the way she did.

She nodded and fiddled with the fork, the snap of my can breaking the moment of silence between us. "Fries with a fork," she commented while I stuck my bendy straw into my can. "This is bizzare."

"Hahaha! Well, at least you've heard of fries," I laughed, my tone teasing. Jeanna glared at me and sneered before allowing a smirk to pass her face.

"So.... how do I eat this?"

I could hardly contain my amusement, my face turning red from restrained laughter. Jeanna glared at me again, the corner of her lip curling in irritation. She picked up her fork and held it up, prongs pointed in my direction as if she were threatening to stab me. I put my hands up in surrender and  released the laughs. Her glares refused to ease, even after she lowered the pointy utensil.

"Like this," I said. I stabbed my fork into the middle of the pile, the prongs picking up fries soaked in chili and melted cheese. Jeanna watched with a brow raised as I ate.

"Seriously? That's it?"

I smirked at her reaction. "Dude, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to eat chili fries."

She grimaced pointedly at me before stabbing into the mess of food. Jeanna stared at it for a brief moment before stuffing it in her mouth. It took a few seconds for her face to shift into a readable expression.

"Dude, this is awesome," she said, eyes widened as she stabbed into more. A smirk graced her face again and she stared at the drippy fries. "Heh, my parents would shit bricks if they saw me eating this."

"Oh really?" I asked, intrigued. I sipped my Pepsi and tilted my head. "How so? Traditional rich people types?"

"Yeah, something like that," she sighed, stabbing at the fries. "My dad's from a rich German family and my mother is French. No clue how they met, I really don't care. But they're obsessed with their image back home. They resent me for my hair style and for piercing my ears so many times."

"I'm surprised you didn't pierce your face," I commented.

She tch-ed and her face scrunched up. "Fuck that noise, I'm keeping my self mutilation down to my ears. Brows, nose, or lips would be so fucking annoying."

I smirked and ate some more fries.

"But yeah..." she went on. "My folks sent me here 'cause they thought it would 'straighten me out'. The paperwork got lost in the mail so I got here over a month late."

"That's surprising," I thought out loud. "The school's pretty strict about stuff like that, despite how laid back it is."

"I know, right? My folks are loaded, though, so with a donation of I-don't-wanna-know-how-much I was added to the roster. My room's a single, though, since the room-mates have already been divided out."

I groaned. "Lucky, I'm stuck with a starving slob."

"You mean Sasha?" I nodded aprehensively. Jeanna made a face I couldn't read. "Yeah. She's in my Foods class."

My face paled and I hung my head in shame. _Oh dear god, Sasha you monster._

"I'm not gonna ask," I groaned again, slumping forward and leaning against the table.

Jeanna laughed. My eyes grew wide and I shot back up at the sound. It was like a giggle, but a little louder and her smile was wide, revealing two rows of straight white teeth.

Her smile faded soon and her brows furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"You laughed," I said, my tone shocked. My face pulled into a smile.

A light pink blush brushed over her cheeks and she licked her lips. "Yeah, I don't do that a whole lot..."

"You should try," I commented, offering her a crooked smile while I tilted my head. Her smile returned, and with it more blush. My smile turned into a grin.

A high pitched chime sounded, startling me. My heart beat quickened when I jumped and my eyes grew wide again. Jeanna lifted a brow at me as she went fishing through her pockets.

"Ease up Freckles, it's just my phone," she said, expression puzzled while she tapped in a number code.

I swallowed and picked up my Pepsi, sucking soda through the straw while a blush colored my cheeks.

 _Good going Marce,_ I scolded myself. _Nearly had a friend and you freaked her out._

Jeanna groaned loudly. "Dammit," she sighed. The seemingly pleasent mood she'd been in was thrown out the figurative window. She ran a hand through her bangs and down her ponytail as she slid out of the booth and stood. "Sorry, Freckles. My boyfriend back home is being clingy."

My heartbeat stuttered at this. A boyfriend?

_Wait... Why the hell should I care?_

"That's fine," I said, quickly regaining my composure. "If you're leaving, do you want this?" I gestured to the half eaten chili fries. "I'm not that hungry, and I'm afraid of what'll happen if I take them home to Sasha."

She smirked at that. "Yeah, sure. Thanks."

My response was a crooked smile and me sipping on my Pepsi some more. Jeanna fiddled with her phone but took the tray and walked to the self-service stand to take care of my leftovers.

I watched as she left, meeting the glance she gave me with a smile. Once she was out of sight, however, I slumped in my seat. My Pepsi now tasted bitter. A grimace crossed my face and I sighed, picking up my bag and standing to leave. Sasha was probably back in the room by now.

... I was right.

I closed the door to the room and tossed my backpack down at the foot of my bed. A loud groan escaped from my lips as I flopped onto my dark red comforter and kicked my shoes off of my feet.

"You still have homework Marcy," Sasha scolded as she bit into slice of pizza.

I flipped her off before latching onto my pillow and cuddling it. I didn't care about homework. I was tired and was going to sleep no matter how much Sasha prodded me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering I wrote this neither spell-check nor grammar check, I'm pleased with this.  
> Thanks for reading, hopefully you'll stick around. I know that this chapter must seem pretty drab. The next chapter will potentially be up next Thursday, because that's when I can get to a computer. 
> 
> Farewell <3


	2. I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friendship forms as a storm rolls in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~ I have returned, and if you're reading this then know that I love you very much for deciding I was worthy enough of your time to read multiple chapters ^_^
> 
> So, I'm very please to say that I have approximately written 6 chapters for this fic, two of which are now online. It's tempting to put them all up at once, but I'll resist. Of the four remaining chapters, Marcy goes through a little hell and there's a slow build on the relationship. But fear not! I already have confessions and kisses plotted out in my notebook. As a matter of fact, my birthday happens to fall on a Thursday, three days after Marco's. On my birthday it'll be reversed, because you should be getting some angsty fluff. Woo!
> 
> [Chapter 2 of Jeanna's Point of View found here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1887582/chapters/4308504)
> 
> As usual the infamously long notes have returned. But how about some shameless tumblr inserts before you go? [ You can find me here :) ](http://hopeless-alchemist.tumblr.com)
> 
> (chapter title based on the song by _My Chemical Romance_ )

* * *

 

 

By the time Friday rolled along I was up to speed on everything for chemistry. My other classes... well, I'd deal with those later. Probably try studying over the weekend. For now, I was writing out bonds like some kind of machine. Hanji had left the room and told us to work on the sheet she'd passed out.

I hadn't given Jeanna much more than an couple acknowledging nods and smiles since Monday evening. She did the same to me. I seemed to have gotten over whatever weird mood I'd been in on Monday. Seeing her didn't make my heart flutter nearly as much as before, meaning I had been ignoring it. I still found her attractive, though. Like, really attractive. That was going to be _very_ hard to ignore.

My sexuality had fluctuated a lot over the last couple years. I thought I was straight, until I realized that I could have crushes on girls as well. But then an incident I don't talk about had made me _extremely_ reluctant towards ever being in any kind of relationship again, to the point of nearly cutting myself off from my friends. As it stood at this point in time I was bisexual, allowing myself to say that I'd like whomever my heart wanted. It was still awkward, though, and I normally avoided talking about relationships in general. Sasha knew only because I'd thought it was common courtesy to let her know (though I'd made her swear not to tell anyone). I was living with her, after all, and would be for the foreseeable future. She didn't mind, almost automatically saying that she knew I'd never try anything.

Besides, she wasn't my type. The pizza box thing was an automatic turn-off.

I tried to refocus my energy on my chemistry work. When I glanced up I noticed that Jeanna was fidgeting on one of her fish-hooks, the charm today a small playing card. Every time she turned to glance up at the giant Periodic Table on the wall her expression seemed more strained. She was struggling and her table partner was absent. As luck would have it, my partner was missing as well. More likely than not they were both sick with the same thing.

Bugs always went around quickly on a dormitory style campus. Sasha was in our dorm with a hell of a cold. Her guy friend and acquaintance of mine, Connie, had agreed to help take care of her while I was in class. He'd faked sick to get out of class, and with the number of absences it was totally believable. I didn't normally approve of cutting class, but poor Sasha wasn't even hungry anymore. That was enough to make me think the world was ending, and allow Connie access to the spare room key.

Two rows in front of me, Jeanna bit at the end of her pen and furrowed her brows, running a hand through her ponytail. The corner of my lip twitched upwards. She was so cute when she was frustrated.

My thoughts started warring with each other. Mental arguments had taken over my music since Monday afternoon.

_No! Bad Marcy! That's very bad! Stop thinking of her like that. She's got a boyfriend, so stop it! It's not going to work._

_B-but it's like love at first sight! She's so pretty! And those eyes... They're like caramels!_

_Shut the fuck up! You have got to be kidding me. You know love like that doesn't exist. And remember the last relationship you were in..._

_No no no, don't you dare go there. Don't you fucking dare._

_Whatever. There's no way you can like someone for just looks. You barely know her._

_But I got her to laugh the other night! That has to count for something!_

_No! Stop!_

_But...!_

_No!_

I groaned and held my head in my hands, fingers getting tangled up in my long hair. My thoughts were completely screwing with my ability to work. I thought I was done with all of this 'love' bull-shit, but then Jeanna showed up. It only ever hurts, but I couldn't help it!

"Pst," a voice whispered. I looked up, brows furrowed. "Hey! Freckles!" the same voice called quietly. I turned towards Jeanna and tilted my head in confusion. She was the only one that had ever called me that.

She waved me over and pointed to the sheet, a desperate expression on her face.

Conflicted thoughts tossed aside, I pulled my stuff together and moved over to the empty chair to her left. She hooked a finger onto one of the little silver hoops hanging from her earlobe.

"I'm so lost on this right now it's not even funny," she whimpered, staring up at me with big puppy dog eyes. The end of her pen was covered in bite marks, the plastic even bending at some spots.

I took pity on the poor girl. "Ah jeez. Here, give me your pen." She glanced at me apprehensively, but did as told. I took hold of the end that was bite free and stood up, my eyes scanning the room for the trash can.

"Uh, Freckles... What are you- hey!" I launched her pen across the room and it landed point first into the can.

Satisfied, I sat down. Jeanna grabbed the front of my red t-shirt and twisted me around towards her. My eyes grew wide.

"Dude, what the fuck?" she whisper-yelled, fists clenching tight around the balled up fabric in her palms. "That was my only pen!"

I looked down at her and narrowed my eyes so that my expression was neutral. "Jean, calm down." I shortened her name, cutting off the extra sylable.

" _Jean!?_ " Her jaw fell open and she stared at me with a bewildered expression on her face. "What the fuck!? That's a guy's name!"

"Fine. _Jeanna,_ calm down." I pulled out the 'jsha' sound in her name, making it sound like a whisper. She furrowed her brows but breathed deeply, closing her eyes and exhaling slowly. I pried her hands off of my shirt and I patted her on the head, only furthering her confusion.

I calmly turned away and reached into my bag, pulling out a bite free mechanical pencil. "Use this, you big goof. You're gonna end up scribbling all over your paper if you don't have an eraser."

Jeanna's face pinched, but she took the pencil anyway. I pulled out a couple sheets of loose leaf and began showing her how to balance out bonds with the little models Ms. Hanji had taught us how to draw on Tuesday.

When Hanji walked in she acted as though we hadn't moved seats and allowed me to continue helping Jeanna. The whole class continued doing busy work for the rest of the period.

Sometime later the bell rang and I jumped at the sound. I'd been so focussed on helping Jeanna with her work that I hadn't remembered to keep an eye on the time.

She put a hand on my shoulder to try and help me relax. "Jeez, Freckles. You're really jumpy, aren't you?"

My face flushed from embarrassment and I stuffed my paper into my binder, knocking her off of me. "I, uh... Yeah, I guess..."

"You okay?" she asked, leaning around to try and see my face. I was hiding behind a wall of my dark brown hair, refusing to let her see me. I continued to turn away.

"Yeah, I'm fine." My voice changed pitch, sharpening at the end. A squeak. My voice fucking _cracked_ , like I'm a guy or something! Know what? Fuck that. Guys' voices aren't the only ones that crack. But in any case, my voice went from semi-normal to embarrassed in less than a second.

Jeanna narrowed her eyes at me and glared. "You fucking liar."

My face only flushed more. I cleared my throat and zipped up my bag. "N-no, I am fine. Really. Loud noises like that have a tendency to screw me over, that's all."

"Oh really?" Her harsh tone turned curious and her head tilted, ponytail hitting her shoulder. "Any idea why?"

_Oh I know why, pretty girl I met earlier this week. I'm not going to tell you or anyone else at this campus, but yeah. I know._

"Not really, no," I lied. "I've always _hated_ thunder storms-" that bit was true "-but it got pretty bad about a year and a half ago."

"What happened then?"

There was a pause. I had no clue how to answer her question.

After another moment I stood and sighed. My voice was quiet and my gaze was distant. "Something I don't want to talk about."

She looked more than curious, but Jeanna left the matter alone. She followed me out of the classroom and spoke while we walked. "Well, okay then. I won't ask unless you want to say something. But what are you doing after school? I'm still kinda confused and Hanji said to finish the packet for homework."

Homework on a Friday would forever be both a great blessing and curse.

"After?" I furrowed my brows and relaxed. "I normally go down to the music room after school. I play piano and it helps me calm down after a long day..."

"You play piano!?" She looked at me, dumbfounded and jaw hanging open. "Dude, that's so cool. Can I come listen to you play!?"

I was taken aback by her sudden excitement. It was almost unsettling, but interesting at the same time.

"I... I guess? Do you know where the music room is?"

"It's in the basement, right?" she asked. I nodded. "Then I should be able to find it."

I nodded again. Very rarely had I ever allowed someone to listen in on my playing. It was always awkward and I hated being judged. What if I messed up?

A sigh escaped my lips. _Calm down, Marce. It's just Jeanna. Ridiculously attractive, dorky Jeanna. Just don't think about the fact that she'll be there, listening to you play and possibly fuck up everything....._

I was so screwed.

"You're going to Foods next, right?" I asked her. She nodded. "You won't have to worry about Sasha eating all your ingrediants today. She's stuck in our dorm with the bug that's hitting everyone."

Jeanna's brows rose and she side-stepped away from me a bit. "Dude, you might be carrying it!"

I made a face at her before smirking. "I'm not sick, you goof. And I don't plan on getting sick anytime soon."

"Ha!" Jeanna cackled, a wide teasing grin on her face. "You think that getting sick is an option!"

"Hey, if I'm carrying it then so are you, considering how much time we spent next to each other in class."

The half-blonde groaned and let her chin fall against her collar bone. "Fuck you, Freckles."

_Marcy, don't you dare turn that into anything perverted!_

My brow raised instead. "Why do you call me 'Freckles'?" I asked, ignoring my subconscious.

"Hm? Oh, it's just the first thing that comes to mind when I think of you. You've got 'em everywhere." She poked my cheek for emphasis. I pulled my head away, laughing lightly. Jeanna grinned and I felt my face flush. All my earlier stress had vanished.

We talked for a little while longer, agreeing to meet in the music room and then go to her dorm to study. Sasha had Connie, so I wasn't afraid of her getting lonely.

Eventually, we reached the point where we had to part ways.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

The music class rarely ever played any actual music. The music room was a sullen place, mostly just dusty instruments that longed to be played. Sadly for them, I could only play piano.

I slid my backpack off the same way I had been doing for nearly two months, ever since my parents had first dropped me off at the school. The cool wooden bench was familiar and my fingers brushed against the keys of the grand piano while my feet messed with the pedals. My thoughts hadn't been focussed on music as much as they used to, but I'd still come down here.

My fingers got into position and pressed down on the keys. The sweet, soft sounds echoed like they'd always done. It was the most relaxing thing in the world.

Soon enough I'd closed my eyes, letting my hands and feet do all of the work while my mind drifted. Eventually, Jeanna came to mind again. Her pretty facial features and her facinating hair. The fact that she smelled like green apple shampoo, something I'd noticed while helping her in chemistry. It was so sweet...

"Marcy!" a voice called from down the hall. I stopped playing and waited to hear it again. "Hey, Freckles! You down here or what?"

It was Jeanna. I couldn't even remember the tune of the song (or random notes, I really hadn't been paying any attention) I'd been playing thanks to my thinking about her. With a sigh, I cleared my throat and called out, "I'm in here!"

I heard footsteps as Jeanna came in. She stepped over to the piano and tilted her head at it, brows furrowing. "Why'd you stop?" she asked.

"I didn't know who was calling me." I offered her a crooked grin before poking at the keys. Twinkling chimes sounded, but whatever I'd been playing was gone.

Jeanna dropped down her bag and sat down beside me on the right side of the bench. "What were you playing when I walked in?"

"A song," I said, smirking.

She rolled her eyes and leaned against me, lazily putting her chin on my shoulder. "You dork." I could smell the apples again, and her body was warm against my arm, the aforementioned appendage nestled in between her breasts...

_Crap! She's too close! Too close!_

I pulled away and hid behind a wall of my hair to block her view of my blushing face. I thanked whatever's out there for the fact that the lighting down here sucked.

"Aren't you going to keep playing?" Jeanna asked, pulling back and fixing the straps of her grey tank-top. It was October, but so far still pretty warm.

My fingers poked at the keys. I had no clue what I was playing. All I knew was that I had been thinking of Jeanna while I was playing, and if she knew that things would get awkward.

Instead I shook my head. "Let's just head over to your dorm now. Considering how horrible you did earlier, you're going to need some practice."

Jeanna grimaced, running her hand down the keyboard and forcing out a loud mixture of random notes. "Yeah... good point." She slid off of the bench and grabbed her bag, only putting one strap on her shoulder. I followed suit and hefted my bag up onto my shoulders. She nodded towards the door and I walked closely alongside her, matching our paces.

Dark clouds filled the sky, causing a tight feeling to pull at my insides.

_Please don't rain. Or at least let it be a calm storm._

The walk to Jeanna's dorm was rather uneventful, though I learned that we lived in the same building. The school had three large dormitory buildings: Sina, Maria, and Rose. Maria was the largest and oldest, always threatening to crumble beneath the students' feet. Sina was the smallest and nicest of the dorms, closer to the school as well. Rose was the happy medium between the two. It was pretty big and new enough that so far nothing was falling apart yet. The dorms were also co-ed, with boys on the odd number floors and girls on the even. Jeanna lived on the fourth floor, while Sasha and I were on the second.

Jeanna fished around in her pockets for the key to her dorm, cheering like a dork when she found it.

"If I left a mess, I'm sorry," she said, hand on the doorknob.

I gave her a nudge. "Dude, do you remember who my room-mate is?"

She visablly cringed. "Yeah, good point..."

A short laugh escaped my lips. "Just open the door."

Jeanna stuck in the key and turned it, opening the door slowly. She turned on the light and revealed a large, mostly empty, dorm room. Her bed was pushed over to the left, dark blue sheets and a comforter neatly made up. The desk was over on the right. A dresser with a TV on it was positioned across from the bed, and the wooden floor was bare, save a large pile of clothes sitting beside an open suitcase. It was kinda plain.

But what was interesting were her walls. They were covered in posters for artists like _My Chemical Romance_ and _A Day To Remember_. Sadly, I'd never heard of any of these people.

Jeanna stepped in and dropped her backpack on the bed. "Come on in. Make yourself at home."

"Sure thing." I followed in behind her and unstrapped my tan sandals, lying them and my bag on the floor beside her desk. I pulled out the desk chair and rolled it around so I was sitting with my chest pressed to the back of it. My gaze travelled up to the posters again.

"What if I told you that I've never heard of any of these bands?"

Jeanna stopped whatever it was she was doing and froze, turning slowly towards me. Her caramel eyes were wide and her mouth agape. " _What if_?"

I swallowed and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah... What would you do?"

"There's a good chance I might kick you out into the rain," she said, expression completely serious.

I spun around on the chair and made a face at her. "Well, I'm sorry I've been force fed classical and instrumental music all my life."

"Okay then, screw the homework." Jeanna pulled off her grey low-tops and hopped over to where I was, shoving aside the chair so that I went rolling away while she grabbed the laptop sitting on the desk. I flipped her off while her back was turned.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked, apprehensive towards blowing off my work tonight, despite the cushion if having a weekend to finish it.

"It's a fantastic idea," Jeanna said as she bounced onto her bed, the spring mattress creaking under her weight. There was a wide grin on her face as she opened her laptop and clicked in a password. "Prepare for corruption, Marcella Bodt." My face pinched when she said my full name.

"Please don't call me that," I begged. Jeanna waved off my pleas and focussed on her laptop. My arms wrapped around the chair and I rested my chin on the back, watching her. Her movements were focussed again, every click on her keyboard intentional. When a grin stretched across her face I felt my stomach sink.

"Get over here, Marcy," Jeanna commanded, patting a spot to the right of her. Sighing, I ignored the butterflies and pushed the chair away to sit on the bed. The half-blonde reached under her pillow and pulled out a pair of earbuds. "Here, put these in."

My brows furrowed at her, but I took them and stuck them in my ears.

The grin on her face pulled again. "I'll start you off with something tame. Give your poor ears time to get used to the style first."

She clicked the track pad and an acoustic guitar started playing. I looked at her screen to figure out what the song was; 'If It Means A Lot To You', by _A Day To Remember_.

The tune was sweet and the guy singing sounded amazing. A smile pulled at my face, and when the girl started singing the song seemed to pick up it's pace. I found myself grinning by the time the chorus joined along, and when it was over my head was resting on Jeanna's shoulder.

"That was awesome," I said, sitting up straighter and tucking strands of dark brown hair behind my ears.

Jeanna grinned brightly and began to type in the search bar for more bands and songs. She pulled out the earbuds and let the music free, the lyrics and notes echoing in her room. She ended up singing along to some of them (other than the screaming, she didn't bother trying to do that), only making our smiles brighter.

We went through several albums, finishing Homesick and ending with an MCR title. The music was so good. I didn't care about the fact that I struggled to understand what some of the screamers were saying. The songs were powerful and seemed to have more meaning to them than the ones that occasionally came up on the radio.

I shifted so that I was lying on my back while my legs were up against the wall, my feet higher than my head. A grin was pulling at my face, though it faltered when I looked at my watch. We'd spent nearly four hours listening to music and it was now almost 7:00.

"Agh," I groaned, throwing my arms over my face. "It's getting late and we haven't even started on homework."

Jeanna moved so she was in the same position as me. Her messy pony-tail flopped over the edge of the bed. "I'm too music high to care about homework."

"That's a thing, you know," I commented, stretching my arms back beyond my head. Jeanna stared at me with a puzzled expression. I explained, "The notes you hear cause chemical reactions in your brain that produce dopamines, so it literally is like getting a high."

"Huh," was all she could say before staring up at the ceiling.

The room went quiet, save the sounds of quick, heavy raindrops splattering against the window. It wasn't going to be a calm storm, I knew that much already. My chest was tightening and old memories were already surfacing. If it was going to storm, I'd need to get out of here. I'd rather deal with Sasha, the girl I'd been living with for over a month already, than Jeanna.

 _Sasha AND Connie, genius. He's probably still down there with her,_ my inner self reminded me.

I swore under my breath and bit my tongue. Unfortunately for me, Jeanna noticed.

"What is it?" she asked, shifting and propping herself up on her elbows so she could look down at me.

"N-nothing," I lied, stammering. She narrowed her eyes and glared at me as I rolled off of her bed. I fidgetted with the ends of my hair and started for the door. "I-I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

I closed the door before she could say anything. The sigh of relief that I was breathing caught in my throat went I heard a crack of thunder. My heartbeat picked up its pace and my hands clutched at my chest, a pointless attempt at trying to calm myself down. It never helped, but I did it anyways. I rushed down the hall, keeping my steps as light as possible as I raced towards the bathrooms.

_Keep it together, Marce. You'll be fine once you're alone. Just don't think about...._

_Stop it! That's like telling me not to cross a line, knowing full well I'm going to cross it anyway!_

I pushed the door to the bathroom open and quickly looked around. The stalls and showers were all empty. I headed for the showers and pulled one of the curtains, letting myself in and sitting on the bench that was just before the main shower. The wall of the stall was cool through my clothes.

Another crack, this one louder than before sounded. A shrill shriek escaped my lips and I hugged myself, my breathing choppy and my heart racing. Of course. Of course it storms on one of the few days when I finally manage to feel normal. Feel like before...

_STOP IT!_

I don't know how long I stayed like that, huddled together while I struggled to breathe, tears I don't know I'm crying falling down my cheeks. Images flashed before my eyes, stressful memories taking over my entire being. It seemed like forever, but at the same time it was like no time had passed. I felt trapped, claustrophobic. It's my limbo, and it's horrible.

"Marcy?" Jeanna's voice called out. I hadn't heard her come in. "Are you okay? You didn't get sick, did you?"

A gasp escaped my lips as I tried to catch my breath. I held it, hoping she didn't hear me. Another thunder crack blows my cover, and I was forced to release it as another shriek escaped. In hindsight, the bathroom was literally the _worst_ place possible for me to have decided to hide. The tile only made the sounds of the storm worse, and any noise I made would automatically alert anyone else in there. But I was in panic mode at the time, so my brain obviously didn't consider the consequences.

The sound of the curtain being drawn forced me to face my fears. She found me.

"I-I'm fine," I whispered, burying my face in my drawn knees. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

"'Fine' my ass, Marcy Bodt. You idiot, come here," she scolded. I froze when she touched my arm, her warm fingers gently traveling along it to find my hands. Jeanna pried me apart and forced my head up. I looked up at her face with my blood-shot eyes. Her features were concerned, brows turned in a look of worry. She fished in her pocket for something and turned to me again. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she put her earbuds in my ears. The now familiar voice of Jeremy McKinnon started singing in my head, the music tearing away at my anxiety. I relaxed significantly with my newfound distraction, only cringing slightly when the thunder cracked again.

Jeanna took hold of my hands and helped me up. "Come on, Freckles," she said gently, wiping tears off of my cheeks with her thumb. Her voice was muffled by the music. She led me out of the bathroom and back to her room.

The two of us ended up on her bed. She'd pulled the blanket off and wrapped it around me, the music from her iPod still blaring in my ears while I sat there, curled up. Jeanna sat beside me, holding me close as her attempt at comforting me. Her right hand rested on my shoulder, her thumb rubbing gently against my skin. My eyes closed and I felt content as the memories faded away. Eventually I let my head fall and rest against her shoulder.

Despite my seemingly content feelings, my PTSD wasn't the only thing eating away at my nerves. I'd snapped. I'd tried to fight it, tell myself I was safe. But the past had me in a chokehold. And even worse was that I'd snapped in front of Jeanna. My head told me that my little crush on her was pointless. But my heart argued that if she could handle me at my worst, handle me when I was sobbing and trapped in my head, she had the potential of being a much needed friend. If that friendship went anywhere, then I could only hope that things would work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I have no first hand experience with PTSD. I did do a bit of research before going forward with the idea, but I am aware that it's probably very inaccurate. I apologize if it offends you in any way, shape, or form.
> 
> Knowing that, I'd appreciate some constructive criticism if you have it. I'm always trying to progress my abilities and I can only do that with feedback. 
> 
> Until next Thursday then? I already love you guys because you got to this point. So I'll see you then.  
> Take care <3
> 
>  **Edit:** I'm a hopeless dork that needs to learn about the fucking anime before she goes and writes about it. I'd messed up the dorm names but they should be fixed now -_-;;;;


	3. Continuous Use Of The Word "Fine"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Fine' is an annoying word, and Sasha is overprotective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My school's being lame and messing around with my free periods. It's supposed to be on Thursday, but they moved it to Friday because the seniors are doing shit. So yay! Early update. 
> 
> Anyways, I'm updating this during my French period. So I don't have time to write my long notes. Woohoo~
> 
> [Chapter 3 of Jeanna's Point of View found here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1887582/chapters/4658967)
> 
> I do have one thing, though! Ever heard of the song Amelia, by _Tonight Alive_? Whether you have or not, go look it up and think of jeanmarco. You'll either love me or hate me, we'll see .-.
> 
> Link to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfrMEu660sk).  
> Have fun :D

* * *

 

Despite everything I'd never been depressed for long periods of time. I'd never contemplated suicide. I'd never drank alcohol. I'd never done drugs that weren't prescribed, or smoked anything. I'd never intentionally hurt myself.

But I wasn't in the best shape.

It wasn't my fault. I knew exactly who to place the blame on. I knew that I wasn't in any danger, but I felt like it. Loud, sudden noises would always take me back and the memories would pull me to that time about one and a half, nearly two, years ago, to the incident I didn't talk about anymore. The last last time I'd talked about it was to a psychologist. All he did was prescribe some meds that made me feel numb and tired all the time. So I eventually stopped taking them. I didn't let my parents know that I'd stopped; I just threw a pill away every day and let them waste money on the refills. It wasn't doing anyone any damage. They had plenty of money and I was fine dealing with my PTSD on my own.

Well, _mostly_ on my own now. Jeanna refused to let me out of her sight that evening, even after the storm had passed, and I ended up staying the night in her dorm. I ignored Sasha's numerous texts and Jeanna ignored her boyfriend's persistent calling. She answered once, saying that she was busy tonight and that she'd talk to him later. He continued calling even after we'd fallen asleep, me wrapped in the blanket like a soft taco and in Jeanna's arms while she slept hunched over top of me.

I awoke the next day to hear Jeanna cursing loudly. My brows furrowed as I tried to figure out what I was doing on her bed, but then the previous night's events came to mind and I remembered.

"Jay, would you fucking chill!?" she yelled from across the room. I rubbed sleep from my eyes and realized she was on the phone, hand on her hip while the other held the phone to her ear. Her back was turned away from me and her foot tapped angrily on the wooden floor. "God dammit! Just let me explain! And stop yelling, you'll wake her up!" _Oh, the irony_. "... Yes, I said 'her'. ... A friend, you idiot. Nothing like that. You know I'm not like that."

Okay, that hurt. I could tell what she meant by this, and her words felt a bit like a stab in the heart.

"Look, she was having some issues and I was worried about her, so I had her sleep in my room last night! ... Yeah. ….... m'kay ... Yeah, l-... love you too..."

My confused expression stayed at the sound of her hesitating but I didn't think much of it. She said 'bye' and clicked off her phone, throwing it across the room into the pile of clothes. Jeanna mumbled something under her breath and pulled out her hair-tie, letting her wavy blonde hair fall around her shoulders. Sighing, she combed through it with her fingers before pulling it back up. She tugged her hair halfway, leaving a loop to act as a bun. Jeanna's hands fell to her hips and stayed there as she turned around to face the bed. She froze when her caramel eyes met my gaze.

"You're awake," she commented, blinking a couple times from surprise.

I nodded and yawned as I pushed myself up, the blanket falling around me while I stretched my arms and arched my back. "Mmh..." I moaned, feeling something in my back pop. "Yeah, I am."

"For how long? I didn't wake you while talking to Jason, did I?" Jeanna asked, eyes pleading.

_So that's the name of the guy she's with..._

"Th-that was part of it, yeah," I said, a bit shell-shocked from learning that the infamous (infamous to me, that is) boyfriend had a name. "I woke up while you were shouting at him."

Jeanna's face paled and she pinched the bridge of her nose as she let out a low groan. Her hand reached back and ran through her dark brown fluff. "Sorry, Marce. We tend to argue. Like, a lot. I... don't really understand why we're together."

My brow raised at this bit of information. I chose my words carefully, not wanting to provoke her or the situation.

"Then why are you?" I said after a moment.

"Because it's expected. It's 'normal'-" she actually added air quotes here and rolled her eyes "- for people our age to be in romantic relationships? That, and our folks set us up. If I broke up with him then I'd have to deal with their questions." Jeanna stepped over to the chair that had rolled across the room the previous afternoon and pushed it back into place. "He's not a bad guy and he likes me, but we don't mix well. You know... Energy, and all that shit."

I snickered at that last line. "Sorry, I guess."

"Meh, whatever." She waved it off and stepped over to the bed, flopping forward into her pillow. Her mostly bare legs landed in my lap and I was instantly reminded of the fact I found her attractive.

"Do you wanna go grab something for breakfast?" her muffled voice asked.

I pushed aside my unwanted thoughts and yawned loudly. "Yeah, sure."

Jeanna nodded and flipped over onto her back, turning to look at me. Her gaze met mine with concern in her eyes. She was quiet for a moment before saying, "Hey... you okay now?"

My breath caught in my throat, but in a different way from last night. I cleared my throat and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine..."

Her eyes narrowed. "'Fine' is not a word I would use to describe you, Marcy. And stop saying 'fine', it's starting to piss me off." I bit my lower lip and nodded. "What was that anyway?"

I turned away from her and stared at my hands in my lap. "You know how war vets often come back traumatized from what happened while they were overseas?" Her expression was confused but she nodded anyways. I sucked in a deep breath, exhaling slowly before I continued. "It's called PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, and it's not just for war vets. Anyone that's been through a traumatic event can develop it... A year and a half ago... nearly two... well... something happened to me..." I sucked in another breath, refusing to snap. It was the first time I'd said anything to anyone in over a year. My voice shook as  I spoke. "I-I don't really understand it, and I don't care to. I just know that loud noises like thunder, always thunder, or even when you slammed open the door. They prompt memories. Triggers them or something. I start panicking and I can't help it... i-it gets pretty bad..."

"No shit, I saw that last night," she reminded me. I cringed at this, biting down on my lower lip so hard I thought I might draw blood.

Jeanna offered me a crooked smile and held her arms out for a hug. "Get over here, you dork."

I lifted a brow at her gesture, my teeth releasing my lip. She huffed but still kept her arms stretched.

"Look, I'm not gonna bother asking what happened, 'cause I don't wanna see you cry again. Like, ever again," she said, shaking her head. "But I will be here for ya, okay? Now get over here. My arms are getting tired."

A smirk tugged at my lips and eventually I smiled. I scooted over towards her and fell into her arms.

We lied there for a couple moments, Jeanna trying to comfort me while I listened to her steady heart beat. I felt safe, truly safe, for the first time in a while.

"You know what?" she started. I turned to look over at her. "Jason and I might not mix well, but you're pretty cool. Like, a potential best friend or whatever. I don't have many of those."

I laughed at this. There it was. Friends. I didn't mind. I needed friends. Especially ones like this. I'd just have to, ahem, _ignore_ some things...

_Good luck with that._

"So we're friends?" I said, the end of it sounding like a question.

"I guess so."

My lips pulled into a smile. "You know, friends buy friends breakfast. I paid for dinner the other night, so that means it's your turn."

Jeanna scowled and locked her arms around me, throwing me over the side of the bed. I hit the ground face first with a thump, grunting as the air was knocked from my lungs. "Ah, you little shit," she sneered, her lips slightly upturned to let me know she wasn't actually mad. I laughed at her and sat up. My gaze traveled to her thin waist and my smile pulled into a grin. Her brows furrowed at the mischievous look on my face. "Um, Marce- woah!"

I reached out and wrapped my arms around her, dragging her down to the floor with me. She squirmed in my grasp and I laughed as her makeshift bun thwapped me in the face.

"Marcy Bodt, let me go!" she cried out, violently pushing on my arms to try and get me off.

"Are you buying?" I asked, still holding her. She was so thin, and even though she hadn't showered in a day she still smelled like apples. 

Jeanna stopped squirming and accepted her fate, going limp. "Yeah, fine. Whatever."

I laughed again, losening my arms so she could wriggle away from me. Her caramel eyes glared at me again and I kept laughing, my stomach and lungs starting to hurt from doing so.

"Come on, you dork," she said. There was a teasing smile on her face as she stood up.  "First you make me sleep in my day clothes and bra, and now I'm buying you breakfast? Maybe I should rethink this whole 'friend' thing."

My face pinched. I'd slept in my bra as well. It was irritating enough having to keep my large chest in place during the day, but I could hardly tolerate sleeping with the damned thing on. How I'd managed to sleep, even in the state I was in, would forever remain a mystery.

I sat up and shifted my bra, grimacing when the wire poked me. My expression shifted into a grin. "You already agreed we're friends, so now you're stuck with me," I said, beaming at her.

"I have a ton of pillows sitting right there, Marcy," Jeanna said, straight faced and arms folded over her chest. "Either we go get food, or I beat the freckles off of you with sacks full of polyfiber."

I laughed again. It was tempting, but she hadn't had her coffee yet, and even with my superior strength I would probably get my ass kicked.

"I'll take the food," I said finally, pushing myself up off the floor.

Jeanna sighed and stepped over to her backpack, unzipping the front pocket and pulling out a small trifold wallet. She stuffed her feet into her low-tops and jerked her head towards the door. "Come on, Freckles. Let's get something to eat."

The smile I was wearing continued to pull at my lips as I strapped my sandals back on. I stood up and followed Jeanna out the door.

We had to walk down about eight flights of stairs to get to the main floor, thanks to an out-of-service elevator. Jeanna had cursed rather loudly at this, and continued to do so the entire trip down. She'd probably woken up the whole building and then some by the time we'd gotten down to the main floor.

_Wow, she's horrible before her morning coffee._

Jeanna relaxed almost instantly when we were met with the cool morning air. She froze and closed her eyes, letting the air fill her lungs as she breathed deeply.

"We're going to Starbucks," she declared, stepping forward and walking down the still damp sidewalk. The smile pulled at my lips again.

Neither of us said much on the way over. The Starbucks was, luckily, one of the closest shops to the dorms. They'd set up the location wisely, directly on route to the school. A few hundred tired, rich, high school students passing by almost every morning? The shop had to be floating on a sea of cash. 

We entered and the smell of fresh coffee grounds filled my nose. I didn't care much for the taste of coffee, but I did like the smell. The shop had small pumpkins and black bat decorations scattered about it, which made sense seeing as Halloween was at the end of the month.

"Morning Jeanna," the barista greeted. She was petite with fair ginger hair and a pleasant expression.

"Hi Petra. Just the usual for me," Jeanna said, leaning against the counter while Petra tapped something into a register. She looked up at me with tired eyes and yawned. "What do you want?"

"Uh..." I turned my gaze towards the menu, unfamiliar with what it was that Starbucks served that wasn't coffee. "A grande hot chocolate and a blueberry muffin?" The weird sizes confused me, but it seemed that I was ordering a medium.

Petra smiled at me and added that into the register. "Whipped cream?"

"Yes, please," I said, returning the smile.

Jeanna stepped over to the front and pulled her wallet from her back pocket, pulling out a Starbucks gift card. She slid it at the key pad, moving too quickly for me to read the price.

She'd noticed me trying. "Rule of thumb whenever you go to a Starbucks," she started with a yawn. "Don't ask for the total price if possible."

My brows furrowed. "Why?" 

Jeanna smirked. "And I'm the one living under a rock." I lifted a brow, wondering why she'd remembered my saying that. "The items here are overpriced, but we pay for them anyway. Just knowing they're expensive is enough for me. All together a regular breakfast here costs a ton. I'd rather ignore how much I'm paying if possible, which is why they make gift cards."

The confused expression I wore remained. I'd never been interested in business, but I relaxed when Jeanna sat down. I sat down across from her and she yawned again.

"So, Freckles," she started, looking over at me. "I've told you a bit about myself, but I don't know much about you. How did you end up here?"

I frowned, forehead creasing as I tried to figure out an answer. "It's not really that interesting. I convinced my parents that I'd do well in a more independant environment, so they sent me here. And also because of Trost Uni. The high school and college are directly connected, so if I maintain my good grades then it should be a smooth transition from this to that, you know?"

"Hm," she hummed, mulling this over while Petra ground coffee beans in the background. "So what about you're name?" she asked once the shop was quiet again. " _Marcella_? Where the hell did that come from?"

My face pinched. She's learned of my first name thanks to Hanji's consistent use of it when she marked the roster. I hated the way my full name sounded. "I'm mostly Italian on my mom's side, but there's a bit of UK from my dad," I explained. "My mom got to choose my name. Again, never call me that."

She laughed lightly at this, instantly bringing a smile to my face.

 _Ahaha!_ I cheered mentally. _Two laughs!_

"Jeanna!" Petra called out, placing out the order on the counter. I didn't give Jeanna a chance and stood up to acquire our breakfast. Apparently she'd ordered a large size coffee and a chocolate croissant.

 _There's the French side of her, I guess_ , I thought with a smirk.

I balanced the food on my arms and carried over the drinks. Jeanna smirked at me and took my food.

"You didn't have to get all of it, you dork," she said, blowing into the hole in the lid to try and cool off her first sip.

"You're tired and you paid, so I'm happy to bring it over." I offered her a smile before drinking some of my hot chocolate. The whipped cream on the top had cooled off the first few sips for me.

We ate in mostly in silence. I'd checked my watch shortly after we started eating. It was a little past 9:00 AM, way too early for most of the campus to be awake on a Saturday.

 _I wonder if I should text Sasha and let her know I'm okay..._ My phone felt heavy in my pocket, guilt trying to gnaw at my stomach. _I'll do it after breakfast._

After about ten minutes of sitting in silence we'd finished our food and our half-finished drinks had gone cold. I still sipped at my lukewarm chocolate, however. 

"So..." Jeanna said, breaking the silence. "Your stuff is still in my room and we've yet to get any actual work done."

I slumped in the metal chair and groaned. "I'd rather do homework than have to face Sasha. She's overprotective."

"That's not such a bad thing," Jeanna said, resting her elbows on the table and setting her chin in her hands. Her caramel eyes scanned my face as she spoke. "You've got a good bunch of friends. I've seen you and Armin working together in class, and the people you eat lunch with seem cool too. Other than Jaeger, that is."

My brow lifted at this. "You mean Eren? What of him?"

Jeanna's jaw visibly clenched and her hands balled up into fists. "The guy pisses me off! He and I were in middle school together and now we're stuck in the same school _again_. We used to fight a lot, 'cause he kept calling me a tom-boy. I nearly broke his nose once."

My eyes grew wide at this. "How old were you?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, twelve? Thirteen maybe. It was before the move. I was a violent kid around him."

I shook my head. _Jeanna vs Eren?_ That _must've been interesting._

The two of us mulled over the past for a little while longer. I learned that she'd been jumping around the country for a while due to her family's business. She was a local, though, and grew up in the city not too far away from where I'd lived. To make it fair I'd mentioned how I'd lived in the city, but my parents kept moving me between private schools and public until I'd ended up here.

The bells on the door chimed softly, but the door was forced open. It hit the trash can behind it with a loud crash, startling me. I jumped, of course, tipping the chair back and nearly falling. Jeanna's eyes grew wide as she watched me.

It was weird, though; this time it was nothing more than just surprise.

"Marcy!" Sasha's voice shouted. I cringed and slumped forward against the table.

"I could've sworn you were sick," I thought out loud, pressing my cheek to the cool wooden table as I looked up at her.

"I was," she said, folding her arms over her chest. "Where were you last night?"

"In my dorm, doing homework," Jeanna answered, glaring at my room-mate.

The brunette's brows furrowed. "Huh?"

"We're in the same chemistry class, so we were doing work in my dorm last night."

 _Thank you Jeanna, for explaining it perfectly,_ I wanted to say, my thoughts completely void of sarcasm. I kept my mouth shut.

"But if that's all, then why didn't you respond to any of my texts?" she asked.

I sat up, a hand on the pocket my phone was in turning the volume down. "You texted me? I guess I had it on vibrate," I said, making my voice as innocent as possible without it sounding suspicious. I pulled out my phone and pretended I had no clue that she'd sent me... holy shit more than twenty messages!

"God dammit, Sasha! You completely spammed my inbox!" I exclaimed, scrolling through the same message over and over again: **Wtf r u??? Call me!!!** My eyes widened and my jaw had fallen.

Sasha frowned. "Well, if you'd answered me, then I wouldn't have had to resort to that."

A grimace pulled over my face as I locked my phone screen, nearly slamming it down against the table to rub my temples. I groaned in irritation as a new found head-ache killed my previously pleasant mood.

"What are you doing here, Sasha? You hate Starbucks," I growled, face still in my hands.

"You don't care for it either," she argued. Sasha huffed and tossed her head to the side, forcing her bangs to shift. "Connie and I were going to get breakfast and I saw you in here."

"Connie?" I sat up and looked around. Our nearly bald friend was standing outside, watching us. My gaze met his through the door. He smiled sheepishly at me and waved.

I narrowed my eyes at him. _At least you were smart enough to stay out of the way_ , I thought.

"Well, it was nice seeing you outside of class Sasha," Jeanna started, her tone dripping with sarcasm. Sasha noticed and frowned at her. "-but we still have more work to do." She  looked at me and nodded towards the door. "Come on Marce."

I nodded and stood up. My face pulled into a trying smile. "I, uh... Sorry Sasha. I'll be back in our room once we're done."

Sasha pursed her lips, not sure what to say. Eventually she gave up and sighed. "Yeah, sure. I'll see you later then, I guess."

I smiled at her and the three of us walked out of the Starbucks. Sasha and Connie continued walking downtown while Jeanna and I made our way back to the dorms. My throat felt dry despite the humid air.

"You okay?" I asked once we were back in the stairwell. Jeanna looked at me with furrowed brows.

"Yeah, why?" she asked.

"Just wondering," I explained, turning my attention to the fact that we were approaching the second floor. "You seemed a bit... irritated."

"Sasha is irritating," she said bluntly. "Not as bad as most, but I was ready to leave before she showed."

I nodded. "You seem to think that mot people are irritating."

She thought about this, distracting herself from the fact that I'd turned onto the second floor. I was almost to my dorm when I heard her yelling in the stairwell.

"Marcy!?" Her heavy footfalls on the steps told me that it had taken some time for her to notice my disappearance. "Where did you go!?"

My eyes rolled as I stepped up to my dorm. "I'm down here, you dork!" I shouted as I fished my room key out of my shorts pocket. The key had to be forced in and, as always, it left my fingers red.

Th dorm I shared with Sasha was kinda big, and had more than enough room for all the stuff we'd brought and more. In one corner was our entertainment system. I'd supplied the TV and DVD player, while Sasha had brought her Playstation, Xbox, and a ton of games. Aside from that corner of the room, however, it was split into two relatively even halves. On her half were piles of clothes, empty pizza boxes, and old school work that cluttered around her desk. On my half was hardly anything worth noting. I kept my side clean and left Sasha to her own, simple as that.

Jeanna found me going through my dresser. I hadn't closed my door all the way, it seemed.

"What are you doing?" she asked. I hadn't been expecting her and ended up jumping again, doing so not helping the lingering head-ache.

A short huff fell from my mouth as I turned to face her, my cheeks flushed from the surprise. "I'm getting different clothes," I explained as I tossed a light red, almost pink but not quite, t-shirt onto my bed. A pair of straight legged jeans followed it and I stood straight to face her. "You were zoned out so I figured I'd change while you were distracted."

Her brow lifted and she leaned against the door frame. "That was a great plan," she said, voice dripping with sarcasm again.

I swallowed and bit at my lip absentmindedly, looking over at the clothes on my bed. "Yup..." My lip twitched and I looked at her, smirking. "Now get out of here, I still need too change."

The corner of her lip pulled slightly. "Sure thing, Freckles," she said. Jeanna turned on her heel and pulled the door behind her.

The moment she was out of sight I let out a breath I wasn't aware I'd been holding in. If she'd walked in just a minute later...

 _For once, would you stop stressing out about everything?_ I sighed, pulling my shirt up over my head and fixing my bra. I caught my reflection in the TV screen when I tossed my shirt in the hamper and closed my eyes, jaw clenching.

The PTSD wan't the only bitter reminder I had of a past I no longer wanted anything to do with. The only difference was that this scar had healed, for the most part. My right side, from hip to shoulder, was covered in pale, slightly wrinkled, scar tissue. My arm was also scarred, but it had tanned quickly to the point where it was hard for even me to notice a majority of the time. My shoulder had tanned as well, mostly. My torso? Well, it was a different problem altogether.

I changed quickly, not wanting to leave Jeanna alone in the hall for too long. I pulled my phone from my shorts and tucked it and my key into my pocket before leaving the room.

It took a moment for my brain to register the fact that I was alone in the hallway, Jeanna nowhere to be seen.

 _What the hell?_ I thought, brows furrowing. I glanced around and frowned. _Where did she go? Is this revenge for my walking off?_

After another I shrugged, locked my door, and started back down the hall. My stuff was still in her room and she'd been too tired to lock her door. Even if I couldn't find her I'd still be able to get my stuff and maybe do some homework. Maybe. Seeing the Xbox had reminded me of the crappy way I'd left my file of BioShock Inifinite, stopping soon after Elizabeth and Booker went through the tear to the other dimension. School had been occupying a lot of my time, and then there was my constant thinking about Jeanna... I didn't have much spare time to refocus on the confusing yet intriguing plot of what originally looked like a just another shooter.

 _Dammit! How the hell am I supposed to focus on homework now!?_ I groaned, reaching up to rub the back of my neck. I relaxed immediately when my cool hand met with the warm skin of my neck. A blissful sigh escaped my lips at the very welcome change in temperature, but my face fell halfway up the second flight of stairs. _Wait a sec... This feels better than it's supposed to..._

"Marcy!" Jeanna's voice shouted, the sound echoing off the concrete walls of the stairwell and bouncing in my head. It was worse than the random piano notes and the head-ache I'd been previously been ignoring now throbbed.

My hand went up to my forehead and I grimaced. Either my hand was really cold or I had a fever. Maybe both.

"Jeanna," I said, raising my voice to a barely tolerable volume.

The sound of her footsteps climbing the stairs followed behind me as I worked my way up to the fourth floor. "Slow down, Marce," she said, coming faster. I ignored her as much as possible, my attitude bitter. Inside, in my head, I was still the normal Marcy. But my mind and my body weren't communicating anymore.

I waited until I was on flat tile to stop walking. I swayed slightly when I stopped. It was hard to believe that just a handful of minutes ago I was fine. Now I could barely stay upright.

"Sorry," I managed to mumble, hoping it was loud enough for her to hear. I leaned against the frame of the floor's entrance, both of my hands grabbing my neck this time. My eyes closed and the sigh returned.

The footsteps stopped and the sweet smell of apples fogged up the rest of my senses.

_Jeanna, you're standing really close..._

"Uh, Marcy?" My eyes opened slightly, meeting her concerned caramel. "Dude, you're really pale right now. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, the inside me amazed I was able to form a coherent sentence at that point, even if it was a complete load of bullshit.

Jeanna growled at this, her the corner of her lip curling into a scowl. "I fucking told you to stop saying fine. We're friends now, don't give me that shit."

I nodded and let my hands fall, my neck successfully warming them when what I really wanted was to feel cold. "Sorry," I repeated.

She frowned and her eyes glared at me, but behind them was concern and her expression eventually softened. "Marcy," she started carefully, looking me over. "Please tell me you're not sick."

I shook my head and closed my eyes. "I can't focus on much right now, but I think that'd be lying."

She groaned. "Great..."

Even in a half conscious state my lower lip found it's way between my teeth and stayed there.

"You shouldn't have walked up the stairs," she scolded.

I frowned and opened an eye at this, brows furrowing. "I was already on the third floor when it hit me. From there it was up or down and my stuff is still in your room."

"Wow, you are incredible," Jeanna said, shaking her head at me. I closed my eyes and listened as she spoke. "I've got some stuff in my desk, so let's get some meds in your system before you pass out on me. You're not allergic to anything, right?"

I shook my head in response and swayed when I stood up straight. Jeanna shook her head at me, and I think I heard her mumble but I was too out of it to pay much attention.

"You haven't been much of a friend so far," I commented as I leaned on her. "More like a caretaker."

She laughed lightly at this. "Don't worry about that, it's okay. We just happened to become friends during a really shitty time of year. Rain, sick kids. Never thought boarding school would be so much fun."

A smiled tugged at my lips, but I didn't say anything. Even as Jeanna led us into her dorm I stayed quiet.

Like before I sat on her desk chair, wrapping my arms around the backrest. The world started spinning but I closed my eyes to ignore it, resting my face in my arms. Sounds of drawers opening and plastic bottles popping gave me an idea as to what was happening.

"My parents left me with enough drugs to build a pharmacy," she complained. "Or be a dealer, but I'm not even gonna go there."

Her footsteps faded as they traveled across the room to the tiny sink, similar to the ones all the rooms had. I only knew that what she was doing because a few seconds later I could hear the sound of water smacking against something like a plastic cup.

She tapped my head to get my attention. "Come on dude, don't pass out just yet."

I raised my head and looked at her. She hadn't turned the light on, but my eyes still squinted as if I were being blinded. She held out a couple pills and a small cup of water.

"Freckles, take the fucking meds before I force them down your throat," she threatened.

I groaned as I sat upright to take them. The little off-white pills fell into my palm and I popped them in my mouth, quickly chasing them down with water. The pills left a bitter aftertaste in the back of my throat, making my face pinch.

"Thank you," Jeanna said, taking back the cup to throw it away. I grunted in response and buried my face into my arms again, trying to drown out the light. "Unfortunately, those meds are probably gonna make you even more tired. You can hang out here for now."

I nodded again. "M'kay," I mumbled into my arm. If she heard me or not I didn't know. All I heard was shuffling paper and the clicking of a mechanical pencil. Then the room went silent.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, spelling errors aplenty. I'll fix those when I can, but for now? Meh, I'm sorry darlings :\
> 
>  **Edit:** I fixed what errors I noticed, because now I have my laptop back and I can access the internet! Woo! I'm still not gonna update more than once a week though. The next one will come next Thursday and I'm considering leaving it as my normal update day until I run out of chapters to post. Which I doubt I will anytime soon, though I've yet to come up with an ending.
> 
> Until next time, farewell my lovelies <3


	4. Promise Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcy is sick, video games are confusing, and Jeanna's ass looks nice in skinny jeans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Red Beanie Thursday my darlings :D  
> If you're reading this, you made it through the first three chapters and deemed it worthy of your time. For that, I thank you a million times over and I greatly appreciate your desire to read this _thing_ that I'm pouring my soul into. AND with this being chapter 4, I have now existed on AO3 for a month! Woot! ^__^
> 
> Well, I should let you read. Enjoy :D  
> [Chapter 4 of Jeanna's Point of View found here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1887582/chapters/4744587)

* * *

I don't know how long I was asleep for, but when I awoke my head-ache was gone. Sadly, the rest of me was sore and felt like mush. My shirt was sticking to my back and my jeans were stuck to my thighs. I was sweating and felt really hot. Ugh. It was so gross.

My eyes opened and I found that I was on Jeanna's bed again, only a thin sheet draped over me. Jeanna was across the room at her desk, humming softly to herself. I sat up to try and get a better look at what she was doing.

There were crumpled paper balls scattered around behind her. The pencil clicked again and skritched across the paper in quick, almost rushed movements. Her hums were interrupted by a growl that started low in her throat and rose. Jeanna slammed the pencil down on the wooden desk and started swearing as she ripped out a sheet of paper, balling it up and throwing it on the ground with the others. She pulled out her hair tie and ruffled through her hair, grumbling angrily.

"God fucking dammit, I'm good at this!" she seethed. Her volume rose slightly before returning to the lower tone. She combed through her sandy blonde waves and her nails scratched at her scalp. It was strange to see her with her hair down, the two lengths countering each other in a way that made one question whether they liked it or not.

I heard her suck in a deep breath, as if she were trying not to snap. More swears fell and she growled before arching her back over her chair. Her fingers twirled the pencil when she returned to her desk.

My brows furrowed. At that moment there were three sides of me warring with each other. One part wanted to go over to her and make sure she was okay, another part ignored Jeanna and wanted nothing more than to take off my clothes so I could cool down, and the last thought that doing nothing would be best.

The last part won and I flopped back on the bed, stretching. "Ngh, Jeanna," I said, voice raspy and strained. "Calm down. Just watching you is stressing me out."

Jeanna froze, turning around slowly. Caramel orbs looked down at me, wide with surprise. She pulled out her earbuds and licked her lips, a slight flush coloring her cheeks. "So you're awake?"

I nodded, yawning and closing my eyes. "Yeah..."

"You look like shit," she commented bluntly.

A grimace crossed my face. I looked back up at her, "Makes sense. I got bitch-slapped by some bug and now I feel gross."

"If you think you can walk I'll help you get back to your dorm," she offered, closing what looked like a sketch book.

I didn't want to move another inch, let alone walk. But I'd already imposed enough on the poor girl. She was probably sick of me by now.

My arms were tangled in the sheet and I groped at it to try and pry it off of me. I let out an irritated grunt as I finally got free. Almost immediately I felt cooler. Better, but not even close to normal.

_Come on Marce... if you get back to the dorm there's a cold pack waiting for you in the freezer of the mini fridge._

My new goal in mind, I forced myself up into a sitting position. I started sweating again and my nose and forehead felt moist.

"Sheesh," Jeanna started, turning off her desk lamp to come over to me. "You seem to work in extremes. Before you were pale, now your face is all red."

"Hmm," I hummed, not giving her words much thought as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I didn't bother trying to get my shoes or my stuff. I'd get them later.

"Come on kid," she said, pulling on my wrists. "Up you go."

My face pinched. " _Kid?_ I'm like a year older than you."

Her expression shifted, confusion creasing her forehead. "... what?"

"I'm seventeen, you're sixteen," I said, swaying as I stood. Jeanna reached out to keep me steady. I pulled away, feeling guilty.

"How are you seventeen and a junior so early in the year?" she questioned, keeping an eye on me as she opened the door.

I grimaced as I walked out, the hallway bright. "I was in the hospital for a while during freshman year so I had to repeat all of those classes."

"Is the 'why' connected to what made you freak out?"

Her question caused my steps to falter slightly. "N-no, it's different. I'd gotten pretty sick, and I don't even remember much of it..."

She nodded and the two of us walked mostly in silence, my bare feet hitting the tile loudly. I mentally cursed the dorm maintenance for the out-of-service elevator. The stairs weren't as challenging as I'd anticipated, though. Lucky for me, because I didn't want Jeanna coddling me anymore. I loved her...

_There! I said it! I've known her for less than a week and I'm a hopeless, lovesick dumbass! I admit it! She's done more for me than anyone else, I am in her debt, and if she ever gets sick I'll do everything I can for her!_

... I loved her and I didn't want her taking care of me. It made me feel weak, which I knew I wasn't. But it was like when I started panicking, when I'd lose all my strength and I'd feel like my life was in jeopardy. It was so stupid, but I couldn't do anything about it. The sight of my door was salvation, though. I'd be able to get over all of this stupid being sick shit and try to make up for all of this later.

I tried to jam the key in as best I could. Sasha was probably out with Connie still. The only reason why those two heteros (I say this affectionately) weren't dating was because they were both so dense.

Jeanna put a hand on mine and forced the key from me. I shrank away and felt grateful for the fact that my face was already flushed.

"God, you're so stubborn," she said, opening the door and letting me in. She followed behind me and walked over to my desk. She picked up a pen and started writing on a sheet of paper. "I'm writing my phone number here. Call me, text me, or something when you're better. 'Kay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Jeanna looked me over and pursed her lips. It was cute, and her messy hair looked adorable.

_You're hopeless, Marcy._

"Kay then," she said. "I'm gonna go back to my room. Get better, we still have chemistry to do." A smile pulled at her lips as she closed the door.

Homework was the last thing on my mind. I waited for Jeanna to leave the hall and grabbed a towel. A shower sounded like a good idea though.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

My being sick felt almost like a good thing. I still felt mostly like shit on Monday, but I'd assured Sasha that I'd be fine alone. And I was. I spent most of the day playing BioShock wrapped up in a blanket, with a cold pack on my head to try and bring down my relentless fever. Coughing fits got me killed countless times, though it was my own boredom that left me wanting to play video games. I wasn't good at them, my hands made for pianos instead of controllers, but I was stubborn like Jeanna said.

Sasha came by during lunch with a bowl of potato soup and some sweet iced tea (something hard to find around here) from the restaurant without a real name. She'd texted me to make sure she was getting the right stuff.

I nearly jumped up from my spot on the red bean bag to greet the food. The overjoyed grin I was wearing threatened to pull my face apart.

"Sasha, you are a goddess right now," my strained voice said. I pulled the blanket tight around me before grabbing the food. I bit on the straw and sucked happily on my cold tea.

She frowned and came in to sit on her bed. "You don't sound any better," she commented.

I shrugged and dug into the brown paper bag for my food. The styrofoam bowl was hot to the touch and the plastic lid was fogged over from the steam.

"Well, that happens when you get sick," I said. My face pinched. I hadn't noticed how bad my voice was getting, but now that I was talking to a person instead of pixels I could hear the raspy, scratchy way the air passed over my vocal chords.

Sasha lifted a brow at me. "I talked to Eren and Armin, and they said that they'd get your classwork for you."

I nodded and popped open the soup cup, hungrily sticking my plastic spoon in and scooping out a chunk of potato. It was a bad idea to try and eat so quickly. The hot potato burned my mouth and I whimpered in pain as I spit it back into the cup.

"Slow down!" Sasha scolded. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"No," I said honestly, taking my food and sitting on my own bed. I met her gaze and shrank. She was staring at me. "What?"

"You've got something on your mind," she said. "I've still got like thirty minutes for lunch, so tell me."

_Something on my mind..._

"That sounds like a really big question," I said softly, shrinking deeper into my blanket and blowing on my soup.

"Aha! I knew it!" she exclaimed, bouncing on her bed. "Tell me!"

"What!? No," I protested. My voice was shaking and I forced myself to eat burning potato chunks to keep me from being able to say more. I coughed and chased it down with my tea.

"Come on Marcy, we're room-mates," she argued.

"Sash, I've been in boarding schools before. Just because we're room-mates doesn't mean anything." My eyes narrowed at her and I blew on another bite.

"Yeah but we're also friends. Friends tell friends things that are bothering them. That's kinda the point."

"Sasha, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm keeping my issues to myself." I fixed my blanket around my shoulders and coughed again.

Sasha continued to glower at me. She didn't say anything but I could hear the gears turning in her head. She stayed quiet until I'd finished my soup and took to sucking on my tea.

"So who is she?"

My throat closed when Sasha said this and I ended up choking on my drink. The coughs were worse than before.

"Ha! I guessed right!" she cheered, a wide smile on her face while I kept coughing.

"You're horrible," I moaned, setting the tea on the ground beside my bed so I could hide in my blanket.

"Sorry, Marce. But you have been acting weird all week," she said. "Kinda... distant."

"My non-existent love life is none of your concern," I said. My voice was worse thanks to the coughing fit.

"Of course it is. It's my room too. If that love life becomes existent then I'll have to deal with you bringing home girlfriends or boyfriends. Either way it's fine by me, but..."

"Sasha!" I shot upright and showed myself. My face was flushed from embarrassment and my heart was racing. She'd done this before, almost to the point of it being harassment. "L-look, I'm relieved that you're accepting of who I am. Really. But this is getting to be a bit much. Just... lay off."

Sasha stared at me, blinking. "I..." She cleared her throat. "Sorry, Marcy."

I nodded and breathed out a sigh. "It's f-... okay." I was about to say 'fine'. I don't know why I stopped myself. "It's okay, like... thanks for trying to help."

Her lips pulled up in a smile. "Uh huh. So, about that girl..."

"Oh my god." I hid under the blanket again, my face burning as Jeanna came to mind. I whimpered again and closed my eyes tight. "No! No no no. I am _not_ doing this with you right now!"

"But eventually?"

I winced when she said that. I'd walked into a trap that I wasn't going to get out of easily.

"... maybe... But not anytime soon! Okay, more like... i-it's a big maybe. Possibly never..."

Her mattress creaked as she stood up. "I'll take those chances, but I need to head back to the school. Eren and Armin are gonna come after school 'cause I'm going over to Connie's."

I'd almost forgotten that Connie lived in a single dorm. He and Sasha tended to do homework together.

"Don't forget to use protection," I teased.

Sasha squeaked in surprise and the next thing I knew she'd thrown the game controller at me. I cried out while she yelled, "Marcy! It's not like that!"

I ventured out of my blanket to grin at her. I started laughing when I saw that her cheeks had flushed and her breathing was heavy. "Sure," I drawled, raising my eyebrows suggestively. "Seriously Sash, the two of you are practically glued together half the time. Why aren't you guys dating?"

"W-we're just friends," she stammered, turning away from me.

"Uh huh, sure." Sasha glared at me, trying to look menacing. I knew she wouldn't do anything. She was too nice and I would win if it turned into a physical fight. We'd fought earlier in the year when we were still getting used to each other. Long story short, it ended with me straddling her while I pinned down her arms and legs. She didn't dare pick a fight with me again after.

"I'm leaving now," she said, going to the door.

I started laughing. "If you need to use our room I don't mind heading over to Miksasa's!"

Sasha flipped me off as she left. My laughter turned into a coughing fit. Once I could breathe I bit on my straw again, content with sitting there and drinking my tea.

Eventually I went back to the entertainment area and loaded my file. After dying and having to reload several times by the time Sasha showed up, I'd gotten to the part where Elizabeth stabbed the Vox leader with a pair of scissors.

I plopped down on the beanbag and sat with my tea in my lap. I sucked on it while I played. It kept me from coughing, but I still died, each time destroying the end of my straw a little more out of frustration.

After a few more hours the game turned into nothing but cut scenes, which I didn't mind at all. My tea was long gone, the ice melted as well, and my poor straw had been annihilated by my teeth.

The story was confusing, but as I sat through the credits and thought it over I realized how brilliant it was. The whole thing was about different dimensions and how even though they're all different, they're still connected. The "two sides to every coin" thing stuck with me even after the credits had stopped and I was left sitting there trying to make more sense of it all.

_What if there are other dimensions like this one, where I'm someone completely different?_

With a groan I stretched out over the bean bag, my arms extending out over my head as I arched my back. A yawn escaped my lips and I sighed.

"I'm too sick for in-depth thought processes," I thought out loud. My eyes closed and I fixed the blanket. "Sleep sounds good."

I was so close to passing out on that bean bag, but a loud banging on my door woke me up. Sasha telling me that the guys would be coming over made me groan.

"Just a sec," I called, my face pinching at the sound of my voice. It was getting even worse. I staggered up and made my way to the door. The banging continued. "Dammit Eren!" I said as I opened it. "You're gonna end up busting my... door..." I trailed off, my visitor meeting my gaze with caramel orbs.

Jeanna stood there, staring at me with furrowed brows. "The fuck?"

"You... are not Eren. I, uh..." I cleared my throat as I stared. She was the last person I'd been expecting to show. She'd given me my stuff the previous night, though Sasha was the one that'd retrieved it. I'd been asleep. Now here she was, wearing skinny jeans and a black pullover hoodie. Her hair was in its usual ponytail and today's charmed earrings were comedy-tragedy masks. "S-sorry, Sasha said Eren and Armin would be coming over with school work I missed."

Her expression softened. "Ah, that makes sense. I was doing the same, actually. I don't know your schedule, but I got your chem work for you."

I nodded and smiled at her. "Thanks, that's sweet of you."

Jeanna blinked at me before licking her lips and nodding. "Y-yeah. So, uh..." She reached around to her backpack, which was hanging from her left shoulder. She dug around and pulled out her grey chem binder. It was the flimsy/flexible kind that could fit anywhere. The rings clicked open as she pulled out a small packet. "I-I copied down all of the notes for you, so... yeah."

My eyes widened and I stifled a cough as I took it and flipped through it. The first few pages already had notes and the example pages had the problems filled out with little explanations on the side.

"Wow, this... this is awesome!" My voice crackled at the end, my tones scratchy. I cleared my throat and the cough I'd been suppressing forced its way up. After a moment I swallowed and stepped inside my dorm to get some water.

"You okay?" she asked, stepping forward and leaning against the door frame.

I nodded, but I couldn't talk with my throat so dry. I kneeled down to the mini fridge by my desk and pulled out a bottle of water. My lungs wanted me to cough more but I held my breath until I'd managed to drink a few swallows.

A shaky sigh pulled from my chest and I sat there on the ground, tugging at my blanket. "God, this sucks."

"You look like hell," she said. My brow rose, wondering where she was trying to go with a comment like that. She rubbed at the back of her neck as she spoke, her fingers toying with her darker fluff. "Turns out most of the class is sick. Hanji kept going with the class, though. I didn't want you to get lost, though seeing as I had no clue about what I was writing it may or may not be the best set of notes to go from."

"They're great. I think it'll be perfect." I smiled up at her and said, "Thanks."

Her hand lowered and she returned the smile, nodding. Jeanna cleared her throat and said, "I still have homework, so I'm gonna head up to my dorm. Call me or something to let me know if I'm gonna be doing two sets of notes or not tomorrow, 'kay?"

"Yeah, sure thing." Ugh, my voice. It was rough like sandpaper. "I'll see you 'round then."

Jeanna nodded. "Yeah, sure. Later Marce."

I watched from my spot on the floor as she turned around and left. It took way too much effort to not look at her in those jeans. My face flushed even though she wasn't around.

"Marcy, you dork," I groaned, biting on my lower lip. I closed my eyes and curled up on the floor.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

Going to school while still mostly sick wasn't the greatest idea I'd ever had. My fever had gone down and I was no longer working in extremes, as Jeanna had put it. I didn't feel overwhelmingly hot and when I looked in the mirror it seemed as though my face was back to its normal skin tone, the freckles on my cheeks no longer standing out on pale skin nor hiding among bright red.

Judging by appearance you'd have thought I was fine, but my voice was almost gone and every time a teacher would talk my lungs decided that I needed to cough. I'm not kidding. Every goddamn time they started on a topic I'd erupt into a coughing fit and have to go out in the hall for water, and every time I'd return with my face flushed from embarrassment. During chemistry Hanji was nice enough to give me a plastic cup to get some water.

In hindsight I probably should have just grabbed a bottle from my fridge. It would've saved me from the embarrassment and uncomfortable glares. Oh well.

Chemistry was different now that Jeanna and I had confirmed our friendship. I still stared at her from my spot two rows away, watching her hook her fingers on the little silver hoops as she concentrated on her notes, but I felt guilty each time. So much so to the point of me trying to ignore her presence in the class entirely. Needless to say, that didn't work very well.

Jeanna came up to me after class. Today's outfit was similar to yesterday's; a pair of skinny jeans and that black hoodie. Her backpack hung off her shoulder and her hands were stuffed in the pocket of the hoodie.

"You're incredible, you know that?" she said as I packed my stuff into my bag.

My brows furrowed. "Sorry?" I could barely talk and my words came out as a strained whisper.

She gestured to me. "You. Are. Incredible. You're still fucking sick and you came to class. Why?"

"I need to keep my grades high, and I can't do that while playing BioShock." Oh god, my throat was killing me. I lifted the red cup up to my lips and drank down the last of my water. I winced as the cold liquid hit a sensitive spot and let out a pitched moan.

Jeanna stared at me with a look of disbelief, eyes wide and forehead crinkled. "Marcy, promise me that if you're still like this tomorrow you'll stay in your room."

I licked water drops from my lips and pulled the straps up on my shoulders. "I can't promise that."

Her eyes narrowed. "Marcy, seriously. Just try to focus on getting better."

A sigh fell from my lips. "Fine."

Jeanna growled at my use of her most hated word. "God dammit Marcy, I swear..."

"Sorry!" It came out strained and hurt my throat even more. "I-I'll try, okay?"

She nodded and sighed. "Thank you. Now come on. Class starts again in a few minutes."

I licked my dry lips and followed alongside her.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, aside from lunch. Jeanna had left her corner to come sit with me, and by default, all of my friends. I called them friends, but they were more like Sasha's friends. There were a bunch of them. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Connie, Annie, and a couple seniors: a pretty blonde named Krista and a lanky guy named Bertholdt. Apparently there had been others (Krista's girlfriend, Ymir, and Bertholdt's boyfriend, Reiner), but they two were now at the university. It was a huge relief for me to find out that they were gay, I wouldn't be thought of as too different, but I still refused to tell anyone. So far Sasha had kept my secret, but I wasn't sure about trusting the others.

Secrets aside, lunch was... interesting. The moment Eren and Jeanna saw each other the energy around our table became uncomfortable.

"Who the hell brought the tomboy?" Eren growled, green orbs narrowing at Jeanna.

She stepped around me and slammed her tray down and leaned across the table, grabbing the collar of his shirt. "Call me that again, Twinkle Toes. We'll see who kicks whose ass."

I shook my head at her and grabbed the hood of her sweater, pulling back on it. She let out a choke as I forced her to sit down. Mikasa did the same with Eren, holding him back.

Jeanna spun on her seat and stared at me, mouth agape and eyes surprised. I met her gaze with narrow, calm eyes.

"Dude, the fuck? Why the hell do you sit with him?"

 _Because it's better than sitting alone in a corner?_ I thought. My voice was shot by now and I couldn't talk at all. She knew that but still went to the trouble of asking questions.

Krista looked over at us, eyes flickering between the two of us. "Jeanna, was it? Did you go to school around here before?"

Jeanna seemed to forget her desire to strangle Eren and looked over at the pretty blonde girl. Her expression softened. "Yeah, I did. My family lives in the city. Why?"

"Just curious. You looked familiar. Middle school maybe."

Jeanna shrugged. "Maybe, I don't remember that many people from back then."

Eren glared pointedly at her. "I remember you, horse face."

This struck a nerve with me and my eyes narrowed at Eren. Like most of the others, Bertholdt being the only exception, he was smaller than me and I had a feeling I'd be able to win a fight due to my strength. I wanted to defend my friend's honor, but Jeanna seemed to be able to take care of herself.

My newfound friend caught his gaze and stood again, growling. "That's it!"

Instead of letting the two beat the living shit out of each other, I tugged her by her hood, forcing her to sit down. Again, Mikasa did the same on her side of the table. Jeanna choked again and tried to get me off.

"Marcy!" she cried out, reaching back to paw at my hand. I let go and narrowed my eyes at her. She seemed to get the message and backed off. A smirk tugged at the corners of my mouth and I stabbed into a green bean.

"Wow," Armin commented. "I don't think I've ever seen Jeanna calm outside of class."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Dude, don't make me hate you," she said before sipping from her milk carton.

He smiled sheepishly as he picked at his food. The silence that followed as everyone ate was on the awkward side, but eventually everyone relaxed into their various conversations. Everyone that could still talk, that is. I watched with a smile as my friends and Jeanna got to know each other.

Aside from my having to tug on Jeanna a few times, lunch was okay. No blood was spilled, I didn't have to try talking, and Jeanna got along pretty well with them (aside from Eren).That simple thing filled me with relief and I was able to relax for a bit.

That is, until Krista pulled me aside in the hall to the locker area just beyond the cafeteria.

"Hey Marcy. Come here a sec," she said sweetly, her smile genuine. She was so small and adorable that I didn't think that she'd be capable of evil.

Well, evil in my opinion...

I walked over to her and she gestured for me to bend down so she could whisper to me.

"Marcy, do you _like_ Jeanna?" she asked, emphasis on the keyword in that sentence.

My eyes grew wide and my heart was racing. I pulled back and turned away, not wanting her to see me blushing. With my voice shot I was incapable of defending myself. So I was stuck trying to pretend I didn't exist. I leaned over the counter and planted my arms down, burying my face in them.

_I am invisible. I am invisible!_

"I knew it!" Her cheers were hushed and she leaned towards me. "You were giving her the same look Ymir gives me. It wasn't hard to tell."

_I am... not... invisible... God dammit._

My face was burning by now. I closed my eyes tight and wondered what I did to deserve this.

"Marcy, what's wrong?" Krista asked. "You've got a crush, it's cute!"

At that I pulled my phone out and started typing into the notepad.

**-Krista, you don't get it. She has a boyfriend.-**

Krista's face fell when she read this, then her brows furrowed. "That doesn't mean it's impossible for the two of you to be together."

My hands clenched into fists and I seethed, biting on my lower lip as I typed.

**-No. She's straight, I heard her talking on the phone with her bf when I stayed at her dorm Friday-**

She was watching my screen as I typed. Her face fell again and she looked up at me sympathetically. "I-... Sorry, Marcy."

I sighed. **-It's fine. We're friends and t-**

"For now." She stopped me and forced me to look at her. "Look, Marcy. I don't want to see you get hurt, so..." Her words trailed off and she sighed. "Just... be careful, okay?"

I nodded, swallowing. I was walking on thin ice. I'd have to be careful to make sure I didn't fall in.

There was a brief moment of silence between the two of us as I wrote out my next part of the conversation.

**-Krista, don't tell anyone. Sasha is the only other one that knows I'm bi and I don't want it getting out.-**

"Why?"

**-It's complicated. But do you promise?-**

Krista nodded, her blonde hair falling in front of her shoulders. "Yeah, I promise."

I breathed deeply, closing my eyes as I exhaled. My thumb clicked the lock key of my phone and I slipped it back in my pocket.

"One more thing," she started. I lifted a brow. "It's not about that. Ymir and Reiner are having a Halloween party next Friday. Ymir lives off campus in her parents' old house, so they're going to have it there. She told me to invite some people, so I was wondering if you'd be interested in coming. I'm going to ask the others as well, and you can bring Jeanna if you want."

My eyes brightened and a smile tugged at my lips. I nodded, too lazy to pull my phone out.

Krista smiled, doing so only making her more adorable. "Great. I'll talk to the group about it at lunch tomorrow, so I'll see you then."

And with that three thoughts swirled around in my head.

1)- Sasha was no longer the only one I was trusting to keep my sexuality a secret.

2)- That other person was _very_ aware of who it was that I had fallen for.

And 3)- I'd been invited to a party that was being hosted by college students. Were I still living at home with my parents, this wouldn't be happening. But the school had a very relaxed curfew and I was starting to question why my parents had enrolled me here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Halloween. My favorite time of the year. Next chapter is over 10000 words, about double the number of words in this chapter. I hope you guys won't mind, it'll be a good bit filler but it does serve a purpose. Promise ^_^;;;
> 
> I don't actually have much to say, other than I'd love to here what you guys think about this. I **LOVE** feedback, and I'd like to improve my writing if possible. 
> 
> That said, take care <3


	5. Bigger Scars Make Better Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween isn't always fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers, you've made it to chapter five! Also know as the current longest chapter, containing over 10,200 words. I hope you're happy because a vast majority of this was typed on a 7 inch tablet. Though if you're here reading this, I'm going to assume you like what I've written. 
> 
> Before you go, here are some links!
> 
> -[Click here to hear the song I named this chapter after.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pbPX3dtQZE) The lyrics don't fit much, but the title seemed fitting ^_^;;;  
> -Come bother me on [tumblr](http://hopeless-alchemist.tumblr.com/). If I'm posting non-stop, please kick my ass and tell me to get back to writing. You have my consent.  
> -Jeanna's costume is based on [this kick ass tutorial.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95ePiBW40JI)  
> -I feel rather unoriginal for this, but the song that Marcy is playing on the piano is kinda like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYUFa7yaQWw). Yeah... I defaulted and went with that one _really_ depressing song. But even after song hunting, this was the only one I thought I could get away with.  
>  -[Chapter 5 of Jeanna's Point of View found here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1887582/chapters/4850769)

* * *

 

 

The two weeks leading up to the Halloween party were both interesting and boring. I'd miraculously gotten my voice back the day after Krista had pulled me aside, which was a relief for me. Jeanna wouldn't force me back in my dorm.

As for Krista, she never brought it up, but judging by the way she watched me and Jeanna I had a feeling she wasn't done with me just yet.

At the beginning of lunch that Tuesday the tiny blonde had bounced over happily with a massive smile stretched across her face, phone in hand and blue eyes shining brightly. Bertholdt followed close behind her, hands in the pockets of his grey hoodie. "Are you guys free next Friday?" she started.

I smiled at her. She knew my answer. The various table members talked among each other before coming to a unanimous 'yes'.

Her smile only grew. "Great! Ymir and Reiner are having a Halloween party. They wanted Bertholdt and me to ask around for guests. Since they know most of us, I figured you guys would want to come."

"What's the party for?" Sasha asked.

"It's just a party," Bertholdt said. It was one of the few occasions when he talked. The sound of his voice was pretty foreign, even to his close friends. "Horrible Halloween themed snacks, tacky decorations, and crappy costumes." His lips pulled into a thin smile. "It'll be fun."

Jeanna lifted a brow at this. "Costumes?"

"Of course," Krista said. "It's Halloween, there have to be costumes."

My friend's expression turned sour. "I wouldn't say have to..."

A frown pulled at my face. I elbowed her in the ribs and she cried out.

"Marcy!" she exclaimed, hand reaching around to nurse the spot where I'd hit her. Her eyes narrowed as her tone went dark. "Don't make me rethink this whole friendship thing."

Her threats were completely empty. I smiled like an idiot at this, teasing her. "We went over this, Jeanna. You're stuck with me."

Jeanna smirked. For whatever reason she couldn't stay mad at me, even if I did nearly strangle her the day before. She'd worn a different hoodie today, this one tan and with a zipper. She had it mostly zipped up; leaving some room in case I had to rein her in. Though after hearing Eren's 'horse-face' comment, I'd refrained from describing it like that out loud.

Krista looked from me to Jeanna before meeting my gaze, a knowing look marking her face. I offered her a crooked smile, making her gaze falter. She felt bad for me, but as long as she didn't say anything, I didn't want to talk about it.

"A-anyway," the little blonde started again, remembering what was happening and her smile returning. "We'll give you guys more details when have them."

Jeanna grimaced. "Costumes..."

I leaned around to face her, a dorky smile on my face. "Come on, it'll be fun."

"For you guys I'm sure. But my folks hate holidays in general, Halloween the most," she said, leaning her back against the table as she stuffed her hands in her pockets. My eyes grew wide as she went on. "Growing up I never wore costumes, or ate tons of candy, or even left the house on Halloween."

And with that I knew that it was my duty to get Jeanna Kirschtien into a costume for that party, no matter what the cost.

"How many people will be there?" Sasha asked, voicing everyone's worries.

"Not too many, I think," Bertholdt reassured. "Reiner and Ymir are still freshman, so they don't know a lot of people. It may end up just being us and them for all I know."

After a few more questions Krista marked all of us down in her phone as going. Thoughts were turning in my head as I tried to think of an appropriate costume for Jeanna to wear.

For the rest of the day I kept thinking, focusing on my classes only enough to get the notes and work done. But by the time I'd gotten down to the music room, I'd given up.

"Marcy, you're a hopeless dork," I grumbled to myself as I slipped my backpack straps off. A sigh fell from my lips as I slid to the middle of the piano bench. The familiar sight of the black and white keys brought a smile to my face, and when I felt the cool against my fingertips it was as though nothing mattered.

Playing piano had always been that one constant in my life. No matter what happened, how shitty things turned, I'd always have my music. Ever since I was little I'd loved the way the notes sounded, and the way that my fingers could make such beautiful music.

I never played for crowds, outright refusing to perform at concerts of any kind when my instructor asked about it. My parents understood that I was doing it for me when I originally asked to take lessons. They didn't mind; they just loved that it made me happy. 'As long as I was smiling, they were smiling,' they'd told me. They're the most open minded people I know.

As I played, the song from last week returned. It was a soft melody, the notes gentle. Almost sad, but behind it all was what felt like hope.

It pulled my focus, and every time my fingers slipped and pulled out something wrong I would swear and force myself to restart, as if I were a little girl taking lessons again. My time spent in the music room turned into nearly an hour of shouts and frustrated key banging. I kept a strong hold on the song, though, humming it as I tried playing. The repetition burned it into my memory, but it didn't help.

"Fuck!" I practically screamed as my finger accidentally hit an extra key, turning what I was trying to play into something nonsensical. I closed my eyes and nearly slapped my hands against my face, leaning into them as my elbows pressed against the keys. My breathing was heavy and my heart was beating fast from my rage.

I froze when something that felt like a hand gently touched my shoulder.

_Someone's been listening to me!?_

"Jeez, Marce. Relax a bit, it's just a piano," Jeanna's voice said.

My breath caught in my throat and I let out something like a squeak. Of all the people that could have come down here, it was Jeanna. Slowly, I lifted my face from my hands and turned to face her. Her caramel eyes met mine and the world came crashing down on me. I groaned and fell against the bench, lying on it.

"Oh god," I moaned, my voice pitiful as I tried to hide behind my hands again. "How long have you...?"

"At least the last half hour or so, maybe longer," she said, answering before I could finish my question.

I let out an embarrassed sob. "Oh god!" I repeated, louder. "Jeanna! Why!?"

"You normally come down here after school, right? Well, I wanted to hear you play, and I had a feeling you wouldn't let me if you knew I was here. So I sat over there and listened to you."

My eyes shut tight and I could feel my face burning. Again I found myself grateful for the shitty lighting. "You should've left when I started repeating everything I was doing. It all eventually goes downhill from there."

Jeanna laughed at my reaction. "You know, I've never heard you say 'fuck' before. And as interesting as that was, you're being too hard on yourself," she scolded. Her voice gradually grew nearer and the apple smell had started to overwhelm my senses. I opened my eyes and realized that she was leaning over me now, her caramel orbs meeting my gaze as she smiled softly. Those pale pink lips of hers were _so_ close...

_Fuck! Too close!_

My eyes grew wide and I tried to back away. Unfortunately I'd forgotten that I was lying on a bench, and my attempts in getting away landed me on the floor. Literally.

I hit the wooden paneling with a hard thump, Jeanna jumping back in surprise. A pitiful "Oww," fell from my lips as I landed on my shoulder. Behind me I could hear Jeanna no longer trying to hold back her laughter.

With a grunt I pushed myself up into a sitting position, glaring at her as I tossed my hair back over my shoulder. Her eyes opened long enough to catch my gaze and her knees buckled under her laughter.

"You're horrible," I said, still glaring as I stood to sit back on the bench.

"I... I'm sorry!" She couldn't stop and was on the floor by now.

Sighing, I cleared my throat and let out a short cough. My sickness wasn't completely gone yet, it seemed. I shook my head at Jeanna and slid to the end of the piano bench, grabbing my bag and heading for the door. I had every intention to leave her there, but the notebook sitting beside Jeanna's backpack caught my eye and I knelt down to pick it up. I turned it over in my hands and smoothed out the page that it was open to. My eyes squinted to see what was there in the poor lighting.

_Are these... drawings?_

"No! Don't touch that!" Within milliseconds Jeanna had gotten over her laughter, stood up, and snatched her notebook from me, clutching it tightly to her chest. I'd never seen her like this. Her caramel eyes were wide with fear and her cheeks were flushed. From anger or embarrassment, I couldn't tell.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, feeling myself shrink slightly.

"Did you see anything?" she pressed, narrowing her eyes at me. At that I decided it was anger.

"No!" I said defensively, eyes growing wide. I cleared my throat and started over. "N-no, I-I didn't. I-it's pretty dark in here..."

I trailed off and she sighed, closing the notebook. "Good," she said, tone relaxing as she knelt down to put it back in her bag. Jeanna pulled the strap on her shoulder and looked down at her feet. "Sorry, Marcy. There's some... personal stuff in that."

I nodded in understanding, though I'd never had something like that.

Just as an uncomfortable silence began to take over, Jeanna started talking again. "Do you wanna go to that place with the fries and do our homework?"

My expression brightened automatically. That sounded perfect.

"Yeah, sure," I said, offering her a smile. She returned it and the two of us left the music room, everything forgiven.

The walk over was mostly in silence, until Jeanna brought up the Halloween party.

"So are we really gonna go?" she started. "To that Halloween thing, I mean. Like, you're the only one at this school that I kinda know. It'll be kinda weird being in a crowd of people I don't know."

"Yes, we are most definitely going," I said, smiling down at her. Inside I was pleased to hear her describe us as 'we', like the two of us were a collective unit. A set pair, or something like that. "I don't know many of the other students either, not well anyways. It'll be a good chance for us to meet people, even if it ends up being the lunch group and the college freshman."

I couldn't read the next expression she wore, but it didn't look happy. "I'm getting the feeling that you're going to make us wear costumes."

A grin tugged at my face and I bounced around, walking backwards so I could face her. "Hell yeah. Like, to make up for your sheltered childhood or whatever. I will force you into a costume if I have to."

Jeanna looked at me uneasily, fixing her backpack strap before stuffing her hands in the pockets of her tan hoodie. "Oh yay," she said. There was that familiar tone; the one that oozed sarcasm.

"It won't be that bad," I reassured, still walking backwards. I stuck a hand out to my side and caught the cross-walk sign, spinning as I hit the button that was supposed to turn the light green. There were hardly any cars, but I was still paranoid.

"So what kinda costumes did you have in mind?" she asked when the light switched and we started walking again.

"Nothing really," I said, turning a corner. I continued to walk backwards as I did so. "I tried thinking of something earlier, but I gave up."

There was silence again, Jeanna doing the thing were her body went on autopilot while her mind was at work. "How about this? I'll think of something for myself. You just figure out something for you to wear."

That made things easier. I'd had something in mind for me for a little while.

"I've seen that face before," Jeanna said. My brows furrowed and I met her gaze. "You know, that one where you get this dreamy look to your eyes and your head tilts a little. Something tells me you already know what you're doing."

"Kinda," I answered, turning to my right. I opened the door to the restaurant and smiled as I let Jeanna walk in first. "I've got an idea, but I'll need to buy some stuff to make it work."

"Oh yeah?" she asked, taking a place in line for us. "What is it?"

My lips pulled into a tight smile. "Hehe. Not telling. I'll leave it as a surprise."

"Hm. In that case, I'll leave mine as a surprise as well."

I nodded and spun on my heel, staring at the menu on the wall. "I've got some cash on me, so I'll buy the food today."

"Good, 'cause I left my wallet in my room," Jeanna said, fixing her backpack strap.

Our food came quickly and only cost me a few bucks including drinks. I got a can of Pepsi, as usual, and Jeanna got a bottle of root beer. Smiles pulled at our lips as we sat in the same booth as last week and started eating.

"Okay, so like," Jeanna started, tugging out her chemistry binder as she chewed on a fry. "I sorta get how to write out these non-binary ionic compounds, but what the fuck is with the Roman numerals?"

I laughed, pulling out my own notes. "You're overthinking it. It's the charge of the cation." I leaned across the table and wrote out an example. "See? You take the charges of the elements and cross them over, like that." I drew lines and wrote out the new compound. "That'll turn that into a four and that into a two. Since the numbers are similar you can reduce, making the four a two and the two a one." I circled the final answer and sat back.

"You've gotta be kidding me," she said, tapping the parts with her pencil. Her eyes grew wide. "Dude, that made more sense than when Hanji did it! Are all of them that easy?"

I laughed again. "Pretty much."

Jeanna stabbed her fork into more of the drippy fries and stuffed them in her mouth. Her brows furrowed. "Where the fuck is tungsten?" she asked, pushing the food to the side of her mouth so she could talk.

"It's one of the ones that don’t make any sense," I sighed, jotting down my own work as I glanced at the Periodic Table in front of me. "Second to last row on the bigger table, element W."

"God dammit, who the hell came up with this shit?" she grumbled, taking a swig from her drink as if it were real beer. Her pencil skritched across the paper as she finished the formula on her own.

The two of us exchanged answers on our chemistry work while we sat there. A majority of my assistance came with showing Jeanna where things were located on the table. Why Hanji decided to use the most obscure elements in her practice equations, I'd never know.

To my surprise we made a good team, and by the time we'd finished our homework and a third round of drinks the both of us were confident that we were ready to move on.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

As promised, Jeanna and I didn't say anything about the costumes we'd be wearing to the party. We carried on the rest of the week without a word about it, falling into a routine. During school I'd still stare at her during chemistry, watching her fidget with her earrings, at lunch I'd pull her back from trying to kill Eren, and then the random conversations would find their place among the controlled chaos.

Every day after school I'd go to the music room to practice. That wasn't any different from before. What was different was that now Jeanna would come by. And for some weird reason, it was actually helpful. She would sit against the wall while I played the piano, sketching something in that notebook of hers. Every so often we'd look up from what we were doing and smile at each other. I screwed up less and eventually Jeanna started humming along, keeping my focus on the music.

After about an hour of sketching and repetitive piano playing the two of us would leave and make our way downtown to get dinner, we took turns paying for the food, and finish our homework in one sitting. It was nice and we got closer as friends, exchanging likes and dislikes, backstories, things like that. Aside from learning that Jeanna was a pretty good artist (she'd shown me a couple of drawings that were more random than personal), it seemed that we were both pretty dull. We both liked video games and ‘nerdy’ movies like _Lord of the Rings_ , but that wasn't interesting.

What brought us closer, though, was the music. Jeanna brought her iPod with her everywhere. It was just a regular nano, really only for music. In our free time we took to listening to as much as we could. She would get the right earbud and I would get the left, except for certain songs that required both for you to get the full effect; we took turns listening to those. We went to numerous artists like _A Day To Remember_ , _Sleeping With Sirens_ , _Pierce The Veil_ , and Jeanna's favorite- _My Chemical Romance_. Out of the countless songs and albums on her iPod, there were only a couple female artists. She told me how she'd been able to name/sing along to almost every _Paramore_ song until the newest album came out. When she pulled up a couple of the newer songs on YouTube, I had to agree: they weren't as good as the older music.

On Friday I stayed over in her room so we could go through more music. We stayed up until after midnight and fell asleep on her bed, Jeanna's head on my shoulder and my head on top of hers.

Saturday was a chance for me to get things together for my costume. Sasha and I went out that afternoon. At the edge of town was a Spirit Halloween store, where hopefully we could find what we needed. Of course, we had to walk there.

"What are you going to be again?" I asked, my hands touching my pockets again to make sure I still had my phone and my wallet. 

Sasha shrugged as we turned a corner. "Still not sure. I'll figure it out once we see the costumes."

 _Good thing our families have money_ , I thought. _Costumes cost a hell of a lot, even if you just get pieces._

"What about you?" Sasha asked, looking up at me.

"I can't exactly hide it from you," I said, sighing. "I've got this white dress with lace back in our room, and I'm hoping to get a pair of angel wings and red spray paint while we're out. I'm going to spray the right half of the wings red, so that they look bloody. I'm also getting face paint, so I can make it look like my face is injured."

Sasha's face pinched a bit, her shoulders visibly tensing. "Wow. How did you come up with that?"

"A song Jeanna had me listen to the other day titled 'Your Guardian Angel'," I explained. "It got me thinking, so I'm going to be an angel that was hurt protecting who she was guarding."

"A story with the costume? It's a bit morbid, but damn." Sasha nodded and her face turned up into a pleasant expression. It was her way of praising me and it put a smile on my face.

To be honest I wasn't really sure what had prompted my costume idea. The song had helped to further it along, though.

The Spirit store was my favorite thing about Halloween. For the month of October empty buildings would suddenly be filled to the brim with nothing but Halloween decorations, costumes, props, and other delights. The pranks were always the best, because while I was always on alert (I had to be), Sasha was a bit floaty. Huge grins pulled at my face whenever I saw a 'Step Here' button sitting on the floor, begging to be activated. I stepped on one and quickly walked away before the giant spider had a chance to pop out. It jumped out at Sasha and I laughed loud enough for the whole store to hear me as she screamed. She sounded like she'd come from a horror movie.

"Marcy!" she shrieked, slapping at my arm.

I couldn't stop laughing and amused tears pinpricked at my eyes. "Ahahaha! Oh god, I'm sorry Sash, but your reaction was hilarious!"

"For you! Jump scares are the worst!" she cried, stamping her foot and staring up at me angrily. "That was like playing Amnesia in the dark!"

"Oh, don't exaggerate," I scolded, palming at my face to get rid of any tears that might have fallen. A smile still pulled at my lips. "Amnesia is a million times worse than a fake spider, especially in the dark."

Her brow raised but she didn't say anything. She knew I was right.

_Ha, I win!_

The two of us made our way to the back, where the costumes were. Sasha's eyes lit up at the sight of a red wide brimmed pirate hat, bright feathers sticking out of the top.

"Marcy, I think I've found my costume," she said, putting it on and looking around for the costume equivalent. She pulled a plastic bag containing a red coat off of a rack and nodded toward the side. "I'm going to try this on. Good luck finding your wings."

I smiled at her. "Thanks Sash." The excitable brunette bounced over to the dressing rooms, the massive feather on the hat flopping up and down as she did so.

The hunt for my wings wasn't as easy going as I'd originally anticipated. Eventually I had to ask one of the girls at the front where they were. My savior was an attractive college-age girl with short hair that was dyed bright red. What killed her appearance for me, however, was the ring through her nose that made her look a bit like a bull.

"Here you go, darling," she said, leading me to the corner of the shop. Her accent was southern but not in the annoying way, if that makes sense.

I nodded and said thank you, offering her a smile. When she left my attention was pulled to the stand. Whoever thought that putting wigs and wings beside each other was either mad or brilliant. The spelling was almost the same, making it hard to navigate the store and find what you were looking for, but at the same time putting the two together made sense. Well, sense to me at least.

My eyes scanned the rack until they found what I was looking for: white feather wings that weren't too big, but that weren't incredibly small either. I pulled it off and checked the price. My face paled and I shook my head. Just for a pair of wings it would cost about $20. It was better than it could be, to be honest, considering how expensive most Halloween shops were. But it was annoying. Despite my parents having money I always hated spending it. As a kid I grew up always feeling guilty for having so much, while there were people on the streets of the city struggling to get by everyday life. My parents liked that I have that trait. That I was 'aware of problems in society' and that 'someday I'll do something to help'.

_Get over it, Marcy. It's just money. Money isn't even a thing, more like a concept if you think about it._

_Yeah, I know. I'm the one that said that like a year ago. And I won't think about it, because I don't want to give myself a head-ache over thinking about something as stupid as money._

Arguing with myself was something so normal that I didn't think much of it anymore, even over money. Sighing, I held on tightly to my costume piece and stepped over to the back again. Just in time, it seemed. My room-mate emerged from the dressing room she'd been in, a bright smile on her face. She still had the hat on.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" she asked me.

I held out the wings and smiled. "Seems like it."

She gestured to her face as she spoke. "What about the make-up?"

"Crap! Thanks for reminding me," I said, turning around to look for something bloody. As luck would have it, the tower display in the center had all kinds of stage and costume make-up. I didn't normally wear make-up, it required waking up earlier, but this was a special occasion.

I went simple, choosing a red/black/grey/white palette. The model on the package was a vampire, but it would work for what I was going for.

The red haired girl was the one working the register when I got over there. She smiled in a way that made my cheeks flush with color. I'd been given that look before, and when my cheeks flushed her eyes brightened.

Sasha noticed and did a Cheshire cat grin up at me, a suggestive look in her eyes. It only made my face look worse.

_Sasha, I swear to god..._

"This your girlfriend?" the red-head asked, tucking my purchase into a purple Spirit bag.

"What? No, she's my room-mate," I answered. "We go to the Academy."

"Ah," she said, pulling out the simple vowel. She smiled at me as she pulled out my receipt. "There is someone, though. A girl you're tryin' to impress."

My heart-beat quickened and I could hear it ringing in my ears. "H-how...?"

"I'm psychic," she said simply, putting the receipt in the bag before moving on to Sasha's items. "I'll be workin' a booth as a fortune teller for the Uni's Fall Carnival next month. Come by, and I'll tell you more if you want."

I licked my lips and nodded, curiosity piqued. "Sure, I'll think about it."

"What about me?" Sasha said, a little more excited than necessary.

Red smirked as she looked Sasha over. "You're too dense to notice someone's feelings for you, even though they're right next to you."

A smirk pulled at my lips. "Connie," I said, attempting to disguise it as a cough the way people did in shows and movies. It didn't work very well and I bit my lip to hold back laughter as Sasha spun around to slap at my arm.

"Marcy, no!" she cried out.

"Haha! She's right, you are dense," I laughed, blocking her numerous attempts to hurt me.

"Card or cash?" Red asked, tapping buttons on a touch screen.

Sasha stopped batting at my arm long enough to remember where we were. "Card," she said, pulling a wallet from her pocket and taking out a card. She swiped it and pressed in a pin number.

"Thank you." Red pulled out another Spirit bag and stuffed the costume package into it. Sasha kidnapped the hat before it had a chance to follow the rest of her costume. The grin she wore threatened to pull her face in half.

"Good luck to y'all," she said, handing Sasha her stuff. I waved a small good-bye, earning me another suggestive smile. My face flushed as we left.

The craft shop was conveniently located next door. Of course Sasha kept the massive hat on as we walked in.

"Do you think that she was being serious?" she asked as I walked to the paint section.

"Who was serious?" I asked, searching for the spray paint. I grimaced when I saw it was in a locked cabinet.

"The psychic! What do you think about her?"

"I think that ring makes her look like a cow," I said absentmindedly, stepping over to the customer service button.

"Well, yeah. But what she said. Was it true?"

"You're being as dense as a rock? Yeah, pretty much hit the nail on the head." I hit the button again, impatient and not wanting her to say anything more. I knew what she was hinting at, and the conversation was turning down a road without stop signs.

"I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about 'the girl'." She pulled at my arm, forcing me to look at her. I closed my eyes and turned away, grinding my teeth. "Who is it?"

"I thought we went over this. I am not telling you anything about that," I said firmly. "Room-mates, friends, whatever. I don't care, I don't want to talk about it."

She let go of me and furrowed her brows. "Is it really so bad that you're willing to keep it locked up inside of yourself?"

My breath caught in my chest. I turned away again and bit on my lip.

_Stop that, Marcy! Don't let her get in your head!_

A random voice was my saving grace. "Are you the one that hit the call button?" it asked. I spun on my heel and saw a guy with blonde hair and grey eyes. He was young but not quite as young as Red.

I nodded, a relieved sigh pulling from my chest. "Yeah," I said, tapping on the glass. Sasha stared up at me as I spoke. "I'm working on a Halloween costume and I need that red paint." Just in case he didn't trust me I held up the Spirit bag.

The guy nodded and fiddled with the keys on his lanyard. He opened up the case and pulled a bottle of red, handing it to me. "Here you go, kid."

My face pinched when he called me this, but it was a true enough statement.

I was surprised when Sasha didn't prod me about 'the girl' after the guy left, and we moved mostly in silence on our way home.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

The day of the party came faster than I'd expected. On Sunday I'd taken my wings and the spray paint to the workshop at school. It was the backroom where the theater classes made their props, so obviously they had the perfect set up for my personal project. After almost an hour of fighting with the finicky spray nozzle, I had successfully given my wings the almost grotesque and gory illusion of being bloody.

After that, the routine carried on until Friday. Krista had already arranged for her and Bertholdt to be the drivers, an attempt at making sure all of us would get there and back intact. We scheduled to leave at 6:00, giving everyone a few hours to get homework, etc. done and still have time to get into their costumes.

The only tricky part to my costume was the make-up. The lacy white dress I wore, the wings, and my flats were no trouble at all. But when it came to make-up I allowed myself to trust Sasha with my face.

And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't impressed. The way she drew on the blood made it look like I had a hell of a head injury. The blood 'dripped' down the right half of my face and my neck, and the shading she added gave the 'wound' depth. Almost as though I'd actually had half of my face bashed in. It was very cool and hopefully would wash off during the shower I planned to take when we got back.

Sasha looked like the biggest dork in the world in the pirate costume, the red giving it a horrible Disney-Captain Hook aspect to it. She even had an eye patch, though she didn't put it down over either of her eyes. She was definitely the happiest dork in the world, though.

The aforementioned dork reached up and ruffled my hair, the grin on her face threatening to tear it in half. "Come on Marce, let's go to a party!"

My fingers combed through my hair as Sasha bounced over to the door and opened it wide, practically flying through the hall and down the stairs.

I shook my head at my room-mate and stepped over to my desk. My room key had been outfitted with a long chain so I could wear it around my neck and hide it under the collar of the dress. Even if Sasha had her key, I trusted myself more than her to not lose it.

Our group met outside the Maria building. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had to walk all the way from Maria to get to the cars.

Jeanna was already standing outside wearing what looked like a regular outfit for her, the only difference being the knee high black boots and the leather jacket. Once I got closer I noticed the strategically placed white dots that were on her face.

"What are you supposed to be?" Eren questioned, walking up the sidewalk in an unoriginal zombie costume. He looked like he'd stepped out of Plants vs Zombies.

Jeanna frowned. "A character from a comic book," she said as if it were obvious. Which it was upon closer inspection. The way the dots were laid out reminded me of an old superhero comic. It also helped that today's charms had been sound effects, like POW! and BANG! I didn't get it until I saw her then, but I guess she didn't want to bother putting in earrings later.

"That's clever," I thought out loud. It also seemed fitting, seeing as Jeanna was an artist. The artist had become the art.

She stiffened at the sound of my voice, and it was clear she hadn't realized that I was standing there. She turned towards me and jumped back in surprise, eyes growing wide. "Holy shit, Marce."

I bit my lower lip and shrugged. "It's vague, isn't it?"

"Just a bit," she said honestly, nodding. "Explanation please?"

My fingers twisted with the ends of my hair as I spoke. "I'm a guardian angel that got hurt while protecting her loved one," I said, simplifying it as best I could. "Sasha helped with my make-up, but I painted the wings."

Jeanna nodded again, unable to take her eyes off the 'blood' on my face. "That's... wow."

"Fuck, Marcy. That's freaking deep," Eren praised, his green eyes staring up at me as well. "How the hell did you come up with something like that?"

I shrugged, because I honestly had no clue. Maybe listening to that song had helped, but the idea had been in my head the moment Krista mentioned costumes. It felt strangely significant, like I should know but didn't.

"For something seemingly random, it's pretty good," Armin said, coming around from behind Eren. Mikasa followed close behind. Armin didn't seem to be wearing a costume, though Mikasa looked like an elf from an RPG, hair pulled up in a messy bun and fantasy styled leathers acting as her costume. She still wore her red scarf, though. I didn't understand why she wore it, but it was significant to her.

"Where did your costume go?" Jeanna asked Armin, lifting a brow at his normal appearance.

"I couldn't think of anything," he said simply.

I let out a short laugh at this, smiling. Armin's face flushed out of embarrassment.

A large van pulled up to the side walk. Krista was inside wearing a black dress and a pointy witch's hat. It made her look even more adorable.

"Come on guys," she said through an open window. "Bertl is coming for the others, so pack in."

The doors opened and five of us clamored in. Armin took shot-gun, while Mikasa and Eren sat in the middle, leaving Jeanna and me the back. Sasha stayed behind, saying that the car was packed enough. Something told me she just wanted to wait for Connie.

Ymir's house was on the outskirts of town, in the halfway point between the school and the edge of Trost city. Krista couldn't stop smiling, no doubt excited to see her girlfriend.

 _They're so lucky,_ I thought with a smile of my own, catching a glimpse of Krista's grin in the rear-view mirror. I'd never met Ymir, but if she could make Krista this happy she had to be great.

There were several cars parked in the street, the sight making my stomach drop. My brain tried to do the math of how many people were potentially at Ymir's house, but all it did was make me feel worse.

"Please tell me they're not going where we're going," I begged, my voice cracking and face pale.

No one answered and a sinking feeling of dread filled my stomach.

_Just chill Marce. Seriously, like... oh god... I feel sick._

"I think I'm gonna hurl," I whimpered, panicking internally as Krista drove.

"You'll be fine, Marcy," I heard Eren say. I sneered pointedly at him, even though I knew he couldn't see me.

_'Fine'..._

"Besides, Miri is a host," Krista said, her words obviously an attempt to make me feel better. "There might be a lot of people, but nothing bad should happen."

_Ha! 'Should', she says. That doesn't help at all._

We pulled up in front of a two story house with gaudy Halloween props in the front and side yards. Krista let us out, saying that she'd find a place to park and join us in a few minutes.

"You okay?" Jeanna asked, coming up beside me. The other three walked up to the house.

"I think so, but I'm really happy I remembered to put on deodorant before we left," I said, biting at my lower lip as I stared at the walkway ahead of me.

Jeanna snorted a laugh, the sound coming out of her nose instead of her mouth. "You dork. Come on." She offered me a smile, something I barely caught in the fleeting light of the sunset. I smiled back, though it faltered when she took hold of my wrist and practically pulled me across the concrete.

Eren and his gang were already in the kitchen by the time Jeanna and I got in the door. My face paled at the sight of a packed room. There were people in horrible costumes everywhere, the smell of alcohol and smoke drifting in the air, strange music and tacky decorations barely distracting me from everything else.

Let me make something clear before this continues: I'd been to parties before. Several, actually. My last school was public and I'd been pretty social, and it helped that a lot of my 'friends' at the time were seniors. I'd always avoided the alcohol and drugs and shit like that. Things like this had never been a problem before. The sick feeling in my stomach now, however, was from the uncertainty that came with coexisting with a bunch of people that were legally adults. Barely, and they certainly didn't act like adults, but still. Legally...

"Well, this is familiar," Jeanna stated, nodding at the sight as she sucked on her teeth. "Gotta love the smell of wasted teenagers."

I let out a short laugh. "Heh, yup. Reminds me of my last school."

" _You've_ been to parties?" She stared up at me, eyes wide and mouth agape.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked, almost insulted.

"I dunno, like... you know... You're you." She struggled to figure out what she was trying to say. I stared at her, folding my arms over my chest as I raised a brow. "You're the girl that fed me dinner for free my first day here. You help me with my homework, joke around, and I've only heard you cuss a few times. You have never once seemed like the kinda person that would go to parties."

"Well, I don't do anything at them. But yeah, I've been to plenty." I shrugged this off like it was nothing and started towards the kitchen area.

Jeanna hurried after me. "Marcy wait!"

I could hear Eren before I could see him. When I turned the corner I saw him and the other two talking to a girl in a vampire costume. She had long dark hair, brown eyes, tanned skin, and freckles across her cheeks. My steps faltered a bit. It looked like we could be related.

"Hey, there they are!" Eren said. He had a drink in his hand and when he came up to me I could smell alcohol on his breath. "Marcy, Horse-face, this is Ymir."

I grabbed onto the collar of Jeanna's jacket and pulled her back. "Hello," I said, holding onto Jeanna still. "I'm Marcy, this is Jeanna. You're Ymir, right? Krista's girlfriend?"

Ymir smiled crookedly. She was already drunk. "Hehe, yup! She said she'd be here..."

"Miri!" Krista ran through the people to get to the kitchen. Both she and Ymir's smiles pulled into grins as the little blonde jumped into her girlfriend's arms. Ymir giggled and kissed her several times, smiling lips meeting with Krista's.

Ymir held Krista close, arm around the smaller girl's waist. "Do you guys want drinks?" she asked. "There's beer, cola, other stuff."

Jeanna pulled free from my grasp and straightened her jacket. "I'll get my own drink, thanks." She looked up at me and nodded to the other side of the kitchen where the bottles were. I got the message and followed her, waving awkwardly to the host.

The awkwardness didn't stop there. Jeanna had to pull apart a couple making out in order to get to the cooler. I apologized to them before stepping over behind her. A can of Pepsi slammed into my cheek and I staggered back, trying to figure what the hell had just happened.

"Fuck, sorry. I thought you were further back," she said, standing straighter to face me. She handed me the drink and turned my head to see where she'd hit me. My cheeks flushed under her touch. With our growing friendship had come much more physical contact than it started with. Jeanna would reach out to me whenever shit happened, and every time my face would flush. Her fingers met with my now sensitive skin and I winced. She'd hit me pretty hard and any pressure against my cheek brought pain with it.

"I-I'm fine," I said, pushing her hand aside and rubbing at the tender spot. Her eyes narrowed at me. "I'm okay, Jeanna! Seriously. I might have a bruise later or something, but it's not gonna kill me."

Her expression softened and she laughed lightly. I smiled at this. For someone that claimed she didn't laugh often, she certainly seemed more than capable of doing so.

"Kay then." She reached in and pulled a beer from the cooler. I lifted a brow at this. "Ah geez. Come on Marce, my parents are traditional to the core. I've been drinking wine at dinner since I was in middle school, and when I turned sixteen my dad stopped caring. Legal ages are different overseas."

My expression didn't change as I cracked my Pepsi can and drank some of it. The cold liquid went down my throat and I sighed, coughing when the smell of smoke interrupted my breathing. Jeanna kept an eye on me as usual, as if I were fragile. I didn't mind when she did it anymore. She'd seen my weak side, but I'd also shown her my strength several times before.

Eventually we migrated to the edge of the living room. I continued to sip at my drink, eyes scanning the room. Everyone was sloshed or stoned, and even Jeanna had had a couple drinks. She seemed fine, albeit a little too cheerful, but I didn't think much of it. It got her talking about her life, which I found very interesting.

She'd been living across the country for the last three years because of her father's work. As far as I could tell, her parents had controlled a majority of her life while also managing to neglect her. Jeanna eventually started talking about Jason, the infamous boyfriend as I knew him. They didn't agree on music, or much of anything frankly. They were complete polar opposites. People say opposites attract, but this destroyed that theory. The entire time I listened, nodding my head and asking more questions. Each time I drank some of my Pepsi, Jeanna would mirror me with her beer. Unfortunately her sips were much longer than mine and while I was still on my first drink, she was at least on her third.

Jeanna's cheeks were colored pink and she swayed slightly as she stood. As horrible as it may be for me to say, she was kinda cute.

"I'm gonna get another drink. Do you need me to bring you back something?" she asked. Amazingly, her words weren't as slurred as I thought they'd be.

I stared down at my warm, half-finished soda. I shook my head and said, "No, I'm good."

She nodded. "Kay. I'll be back in a sec."

A smirk tugged at my lips as she walked across the room, nearly tripping over her feet. I laughed lightly and sipped at the warm cola. A presence to the left made me stiffen and I swallowed hard, my chest getting tight. I looked over and felt my face get warm. It was a guy. He had brown hair and light blue eyes. The smile he wore made me uncomfortable, though. I couldn't tell what I thought about him.

_Just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away._

"Hi," he started, smiling as he met my gaze. He was taller than me by a few inches, which made him almost six foot four or five. The way he carried himself told me automatically that he was in college, and there was a lingering smell of alcohol on his breath and the scent of smoke made my breath catch. It was almost sickening.

"Hello," I said, turning away and busying myself with my drink.

"You don't look like anyone I've ever met before," he stated, getting closer and looking me over. "Do you go to Trost Uni?"

I licked at my lips, feeling my face grow warm. "N-no, I go to the Academy."

_Go away._

"An Academy girl? You're pretty far from home, Freckles." His smile wasn't reassuring in the least, and when he called me 'Freckles' it only made me want for Jeanna to hurry up.

"I'm acquainted with Krista. She invited me and my friends here." I side-stepped to the right, but he put an arm in the way, cutting me off. His hands pressed against the wings on my back, pinning me there.

"You looked pretty lonely," he said, face too close to mine. I cringed and turned my face away, the smell of alcohol burning the inside of my nose. "I can keep you company if you want."

"No, I'm fine," I said, putting my hands on his chest to push him away. He reacted quickly for a drunk guy, grabbing onto my wrists and pinning them down to my side. My drink fell from my hands, clattering to the ground. The sound of the loud music drowned out everything around me. My heart-beat quickened, the all-to familiar feeling of being trapped getting to my nerves.

His smile turned creepy quickly. "That's not an answer I like to hear."

"Get the fuck away from me," I said, struggling in his grasp. My wrist was let go for a brief moment as he slapped his hand across my cheek. I froze, eyes wide.

_No. No no no no no no..._

The world was growing dark and time started moving at a snail's pace. The guy said something but I was too out-of-focus to understand what it was.

_No no no no no no no no... What the hell is happening!?_

_Stop freaking out! This is just some other asshole, he's not here. There's no way he could be here._

_I know! But it feels like it... Oh god. Let me go. Let me go!_

I felt trapped again, completely frozen. My heart was pounding by now, the alcohol and smoke in the air making my stomach churn. Everything was slow and the hands on my wrists felt like handcuffs, cold and restraining. The past had returned again and I could hardly breathe as memories forced their way to the top.

_Let me go... Please, I'm sorry... Please_

"Get the fuck away from her!"

I heard something crunch and the hands on my wrists let go. The world was out of focus as voices yelled at each other. A pair of warm hands took hold of my shoulders and turned me around, guiding me somewhere. The world was pulled back into focus when the smells of the party shifted in to clean air.

The night sky was clear and I could see stars. I pulled in a shaky breath, trying to figure who the hell was calling my name. The hands pulled on my shoulders again, turning me around so that I saw Jeanna's face.

"Marcy!" she practically screamed.

My face pinched. "Why are you yelling?"

Her jaw dropped open. "Oh my god, what the hell is going on with you!? I just spent like two minutes trying to get your attention!"

My stomach dropped and my knees felt weak as my brain started to process everything that was happening. Jeanna helped me sit on the porch steps.

"I-I'm sorry," I said, putting my face in my hands. My skin was moist against my palms as though I'd been crying. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't... I just. God... I-I feel like I'm gonna be sick." My arms wrapped around my stomach and I held my breath, expecting my Pepsi to come back up.

"Woah, okay." Jeanna dropped to my level. Her hand moves under the wings on my back so that they could console me, rubbing gentle circles against my spine. "Easy, Marce. Just, like, try and breathe. You're okay, I'm here now. Just try to relax."

I nodded and swallowed, my breathing still shaky and wavering as her touch calmed my nerves. "It was like before," I said quietly after a few moments, my brain hurrying to catch up with the rest of me.

"What do you mean before?" she asked, hands moving away when she saw that I wasn't going to puke.

"Nearly two years ago. When that guy slapped me, it was like before."

"Marcy, you're not making any sense." She was close. I could smell the apples and it helped me relax.

_Don't say anything more! You'll snap!_

_She deserves to know! She's my best friend! She's been there for me since the storm and vice versa!_

_So!? What does that matter!?_

_Maybe if I tell her it'll get this whole thing off my chest! If I explain all this shit, then maybe it'll get easier to handle! I won't be hiding this like I am everything else!_

I didn't let my thoughts war with each other anymore. It was so stupid.

Lifting my head and sucking in another shaky breath, I started the story I hated talking about. "You know that song you played for me the other day? 'Face Down'?"

Jeanna's face contorted. "The _Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_ one? Yeah, what of it?"

_Here we go._

My leg bounced up and down, my body needing to move to deal with the stress. I exhaled slowly and cleared my throat. "About two years ago I was the girl the song's about."

The silence that followed was almost unsettling. I bit on my lip and kept going.

"My first and last boyfriend, Tristan. He was a nice guy at first." _I can't believe I'm doing this_. "H-he was a senior and I was retaking my freshman classes. I didn't think much about the age difference. He made me smile and told these weird jokes that didn't make sense to anyone. But... he was violent. When we were alone he'd slap me if I said something he didn't like. He'd punch me and then apologize profusely. I was stupid and I'd forgive him. But then... one day..." I trailed off, because this part was both important and could impact everything.

"Marcy, you don't have to say anything else," Jeanna said, tone gentle as she put a hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head and she pulled away. "No! N-no, I want to. Y-you should know..."

_You're going to regret this._

One more breath. "I was about to break-up with him. It was storming outside and I was talking to him after school. When he asked me why, I told him it was because I liked someone else. His eyes narrowed and then he asked who. I was terrified, but then I came out and told him it was because I liked my friend, Kari. A girl." Jeanna's eyes grew wide, but she didn't say anything. My eyes closed and I felt tears start to trickle down my cheeks again. "H-he went into this rage; called me a fag and all these other slurs I'd never heard before. I-I don't even remember what happened, but I do remember waking up in a hospital. I had stitches and bandages covering my torso, and I couldn't even move my right arm it was so badly damaged." My left hand rubbed at my right arm, the soft scar tissue noticeable now that I was thinking about it. I never paid much attention to it because the surface had healed so well, but now I felt almost self-conscious. "They thought I'd never be able to use it again, but I pulled through. The skin right side is mostly scar tissue now. E-everything changed from then on. The PTSD made storms and loud sounds worse, and I was always on guard. Playing piano was so hard during the recovery, and I had to retrain my muscles to do what I wanted. I never saw Kari again, and my parents home-schooled me for a while, until this year. I told them I wanted to go back to school, so they sent me to TA. Someplace where they thought I'd be safe."

"God... I'm sorry, Marcy," Jeanna said. She was stunned into silence for a few seconds, and when she did speak it wasn't something I would have expected. "How are you so strong?"

My brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"The only relationship you were ever in was a disaster. The guy fucking beat you up, put you in the goddamn hospital. Now here you are. PTSD aside you're amazing!"

My face flushed and I shook my head. "No. Trust me, I'm not."

"Yes! You are! Marcy, most people end up destroying themselves after shit like that. Suicide, cutting, drugs, and other shit. But you're sitting here alive, healthy, skin free of self-mutilation." She took hold of my wrist and ran her fingers up and down the smooth skin of my left arm, then did the same with the right, fingers gliding across the now noticeable scar. She shook her head and rested her forehead on the top of my hand, still holding it carefully. "Marcy, you are amazing. You're the strongest person I know."

Jeanna had to be drunk, but I still gave her words some acknowledgement because she was always sincere. The unexpected feeling of having her against my hand made me stiffen, but I allowed a smile to pull at my lips before poking her in the side. She squirmed and let go of me. I laughed at her, sniffling. She shook her head and smirked.

We sat there in comfortable silence for a moment, then she started again. "So... you said you liked your friend. Does that mean you're bi or something?"

I bit on my lip and nodded, the melancholy returning. "Yup, pretty much. I don't tell people, because of what happened. I'm afraid of how they'll react..." I trailed off.

"Were you afraid to tell me too?" she asked.

I cringed. There it was. "...yeah."

"Dude, seriously!?" I cringed again, close to caving in on myself. "What, did you think I would ditch you or something? I don't care about that. I mean, get why you be reluctant to talk about your ex considering, but seriously. You're my best friend, you can tell me anything," she said. "Now get over here, you dork." Jeanna moved closer to me and put an arm around my shoulders, moving the wings out of the way so she could hug me. I stiffened slightly, but eventually I let my head fall against her collar bone. Her warmth was a welcome distraction from the cool air, and the gentle motion of her thumb brushing against my shoulder was comforting.

"Hey Jeanna?" I started, closing my eyes and relaxing against her warmth.

"Yeah, Marce?"

I smiled slightly. "You're my best friend too, and thanks."

Her chest moved as she laughed silently. "No problem."

The two of us sat there for a while, until Krista ran out, slamming open the door. I jumped slightly and Jeanna's hold on me tightened.

"Oh my god, are you two okay!?" she asked, panic in her tone.

"Yeah, we are," Jeanna answered, loosening until we pulled apart.

Krista exhaled a long sigh of relief. "Good. Miri and I just heard what happened, about the guy going after Marcy. She's in there now, beating the guy to a pulp, I think. Do you want me to drive you guys back to the dorms? I'm still sober, so nothing will happen if I drive."

I sat up and palmed at my cheeks. The make-up didn't come away. I turned to face her and said, "Y-yeah, if you don't mind."

The little blonde looked from me, to Jeanna, and then back to me. I had no clue what was going on in her head, but I ignored it and she nodded. "Okay. I'm going to tell Ymir, I'll come right back."

Jeanna and I nodded as Krista returned to the house. We stayed apart until she returned, Ymir tagging along close behind.

"I'm so sorry about that guy," Ymir said, reaching into her mouth to pull out the fake vampire fangs that were clipped to her canines. "He was a party crasher, and according to some of the others they said that he's done shit like that before. I'll make sure Reiner keeps a closer eye on the door if we ever do this again."

I nodded. "It's f..." I trailed off catching Jeanna's glare. "I-it's okay. It's alright now, so... yeah."

Ymir nodded. "Still, I'm sorry. I'm a host after all. And I _hate_ owing people favors. Seriously. If there's any way I can make this up to you, just say so."

I nodded, "Sure."

Krista stepped forward. "Come on, guys. I'll drive you home."

"I'm coming with," Ymir insisted. Krista smiled and kissed her freckled vampire fondly. A small spark of jealously tugged at my heart. Jealously toward the fact that the two could kiss so easily.

The two started down the sidewalk, talking about something I'd already tuned out. I sighed and stood up, fixing the skirt of my dress before folding my arms across my chest. Now that I was aware of the temperature, I was cold.

"Marce," Jeanna started. I turned to look at her and noticed that she'd taken off the leather jacket she'd been wearing. "Pull off the wings, you're freezing."

My cheeks flushed and I was grateful for the shitty porch light and the dark night sky. I did as told and pulled my arms through the elastic holding the wings to my shoulders. Jeanna came over and draped the jacket over my shoulders. It was warm from her body heat and the collar, where her ponytail had been flopped over, smelled like the all-to familiar apple shampoo. On the outside I maintained a collected, albeit blushing, composure. Inside, however, I was freaking out.

_Oh calm the fuck down, it's just a jacket for Christ's sake._

_What the hell does he have to do with anything?_

I sighed, trying to calm my beating heart, and pulled the jacket tighter around me as I followed alongside Jeanna to Krista's van. The two of us sat in the middle. It had been a long night, even though we'd only been at the party for a few hours. Jeanna yawned as soon as she sat down and leaned against my shoulder. I smiled, resisted the urge to kiss her, and let my head fall on hers while she hummed my song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez, this chapter is so long in comparison to the others. They only get longer from here folks, so here's hoping I don't end up boring you .-.
> 
> Anyways, now you know the real deal behind Marcy's PTSD. As I've said before, I don't have it. And I've never been in any situation like hers. **However** , the name Tristan belongs to a guy I desperately wish to see thrown into the fiery depths of hell should it exist. So there's a bit of meaning behind her story for me. 
> 
> All that aside, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'll be back next Thursday with chapter 6, and hopefully the big 7 (you'll understand when it's up, 'cause it's gonna end up being so fucking long -_-; ) will appear on my birthday. Until then, I love you all <3


	6. What Are You So Scared Of?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcy's dreams are getting more and more realistic, while her friends try to take matters into their own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again my dears! As I write this I have almost 400 views and that makes me so~ happy ^_^
> 
> So chapter 6! Jeez, it's been a month and a half since I originally posted this thing. I'd like to thank everyone that's given kudos and in general, everyone that's been reading. It means the world to me, and I love you all. 
> 
> Fluffy stuff aside, I have some comments before you go! Like before, the chapter title is named after a song and can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip6ex1vqf6I). Also, this chapter is over 13,000 words long. Have fun with that. I'm writing the next one and I'm barely half-way through at 6,273 words. Yay carpel tunnel -_-;;;
> 
> Okay, well I'll have some comments after the chapter. Enjoy :)

* * *

 

 

News gets around pretty quickly when you have a lot of friends that are always hanging out with each other. Eventually everyone at the table group found out about my run in with the guy, and how Jeanna had kicked his ass. Which wasn't completely true. Yes, Jeanna had beaten the guy in to submission, but Ymir was the one that had done most of the damage. Jeanna had swooped in, grabbed me, and then got a shit ton of personal information dumped on top of her.

Like before, it only pulled us closer as friends. Jeanna and I didn't seem to have any secrets between us... except for one, but there was no way she would ever know about that.

Unfortunately, everyone else seemed to.

Apparently Krista had told Ymir about my crush on Jeanna, despite the fact she promised me she wouldn't tell anyone. From there all of my drunken companions that had gone to the party found out. As far as I could tell the chain went like this: Krista had told Ymir, Ymir had told Eren and Reiner, Reiner had told Bertholdt and Annie, Eren told Mikasa and Armin, Armin told Connie, and Connie told Sasha.

From there, Sasha confronted me about two weeks into November.

I'd spent the previous night at Jeanna's, because that was part of the routine we'd fallen into. I always went to her place on Fridays. We'd binge watched the full director's cut version of the _Lord Of The Rings_ movies, made crappy Hobbit jokes, and eventually ended up in a wrestling match. Yeah, we were girls. But we were also immature dorks that frequently got into contests of strength, more often than not involving who could pin the other to the ground first. It was fun.

Jeanna was the one that started it, trying to get the remote from my hand. "Come on, dork. Hand it over. Or at least pause it. I need to piss."

I snorted a laugh. "Charming, aren't you?"

"Yeah, know what? Fuck you and your sarcasm. Come on, Marce." She reached over, climbing onto my lap and reaching up. Her boobs were in my face by now and my cheeks were quickly turning red. I continued to hold it at arm's length above my head, grinning.

She ended up straddling me and I found the perfect opportunity to attack. Pausing the movie, I dropped the remote and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her down and rolling off of the bed. I laughed as she fought back against me.

"God dammit!" she cried, squirming in my grasp.

"Hahaha! You gotta fight me for that remote now." I beamed at her, earning myself a scowl.

She kicked at my legs and wrapped one of hers around mine, trying to flip me over. It did nothing to get me off, except it had distracted me long enough for her to get her arms free. Jeanna pried one of my arms away from her waist and tangled it with hers, twisting it. My eyes grew wide as she forced me around and off of her. I flipped over with a thump, my forehead and nose hitting the wooden floor while my arm was being twisted painfully behind my back.

"Oww! Ow ow ow!" I cried out. "Agh! God dammit, Jeanna!"

"Victory!" she cheered. I could just sense the smug smile I knew she was wearing. "Finally! I finally pinned you! Hahaha! Yes!"

"Yes! You win!" I grimaced as I spoke, her grip on my arm refusing to ease up. Her shin pinned my other arm down to ground as she continued to straddle me. "Now come down from your high horse, before you dislocate my arm from my shoulder!"

She gave my arm a tug. "Who are you callin' a horse!?"

"Agh-oww! Jeanna!" I winced, seething by now. "Come on, you already won! Now let me go!"

Eventually she did let me go, though she continued to sit on my back. I somehow managed to flip over onto my back so I could glare at her. It wasn't very effective. She was now straddling my hips and an endless number of fantasies ended up filling my head, resulting in a slight flush that colored my cheeks.

_God dammit Marcy! She has a fucking boyfriend! The two may be water and oil, but stop thinking about her like that._

_I can't help it! She's wearing those night shorts that always end up riding up her ass!_

I cleared my throat and huffed, shifting my perverted thoughts about Jeanna's ass to the side. "So what now?"

"Well, I still have to pee. But I've always wondered..." Her smile shifted into a devious smirk that made my face pale. "Are you ticklish?"

My eyes grew wide and I tried to back away. "Oh god."

"Ahaha! Oh yes!" With lightning fast reflexes, Jeanna grabbed both of my wrists with one hand and began digging into my sides with her other. Shrieks were pulled from my lips as she ruthlessly dug against my ribs and hips.

"Jeanna! Stop it!" I cried out, squirming and kicking out. My knees slammed into her ass several times, my bare skin meeting the bare skin of her thighs. Each time she would push back with her legs, our limbs getting tangled as I fought back.

Eventually, she gave up trying to hold my arms and I nearly collapsed in on myself, curling up in a ball as I tried to defend my worst spots. Jeanna noticed and started laughing, her hands moving around to the strap area of my pink camisole. She dug into a spot that was just beyond my armpits, soft skin where my arm and shoulder met on my back. I let out a squeal and squirmed anticipating the hell that never came.

She had the opportunity to torture me, but her movements faltered when her fingers brushed against the skin on the right side of my torso. The scar.

We went still, the both of us realizing what she'd found. I was struggling to catch my breath as Jeanna pulled back, still sitting on my hips.

"I-I'm gonna go to the bathroom..." she said, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear as she stood up. I nodded, still trying to breathe properly. My eyes were glued to her ass as she walked across the room and left. The door closed carefully, a habit she'd picked up. Even before the Halloween party she’d been careful around me. She didn't want anything to bother me, and even though it had gotten to be overkill, I didn't say anything about it.

When Jeanna returned I was still on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. She laughed and tossed me a Pepsi can from her mini fridge, the cold metal landing on my bare stomach where my cami had pulled up a bit. I let out a shrill squeak at the unexpected action.

She laughed at me again and hopped onto her bed. "Come on, dork. Get up here."

I smiled and stood up, brushing back my thick brown hair. The smile remained as we carried on with our night.

I'd gotten back to my room the next morning at about 11:00. We'd slept late from the long movie night, and Jeanna had kicked me onto the floor sometime between when we passed out and when I finally woke up.

The key got stuck again and I swore as I shoved it in. After about two tries it finally gave and slid in. It was getting easier, but not as easy as I wanted it to be.

My face paled when I opened the door. Sasha was standing in the middle of the floor, on the invisible line that divided the sides.

_Why the hell was the door locked if she's in here?_

Ignoring my thoughts, I tossed the keychain on my desk and closed the door. "Morning, Sasha," I said, stepping over to my bed and dropping down my backpack. The last thing I wanted was confrontation.

"I know who 'the girl' is," she said simply. Her arms folded over her chest and she stared me down.

The world fell still. There was no way she knew. The only person who knew was Krista.

_Unless Krista said something._

"Dammit," I breathed, turning around to face her. I folded my arms across my chest and narrowed my eyes at her, returning the stare. "Alright, humor me."

"You're in love with Jeanna Kirschtien, aren't you?"

Aaaand there it was. My worst fears pulled to reality. 

My face turned bright red and I bit down on my lower lip, a dead giveaway that she'd hit the nail on the head. I hung my neck and let my hair fall forward so I could hide behind it.

_Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. No, wait. How the fuck!?_

"Who the hell told you?" I growled, speaking through clenched teeth. "Krista said she wouldn't say anything."

"Connie told me. Krista must've said something at the Halloween party, because everybody else knows too. Well, except for Jeanna."

The blood drained from my face, leaving me pale. "Everybody?" my voice cracked. "Oh god." I needed to sit. My legs staggered over to my bed and I flopped down, burying my face in my pillow.

"Marcy, what's wrong?" I heard her ask. Her footsteps came closer. "Why is it bad that I know?"

"You don't get it!" I yelled at her. Sasha jumped back, surprised by my reaction. I sat up and held my pillow tight, hands gripping at the red satin case. There was a tightness in my chest and it felt like I might cry. "She's my best friend and she has a boyfriend. All the odds are against me. And... I-I'm fine just being friends. Th-that's fine."

"Marcy, you're on the verge of tears. There is nothing fine about this situation."

I closed my eyes tight, burying my face into the pillow again. The word had come out again. Fine _._ Four little letters that often meant exactly the opposite of its definition when said. I was shaking by now, the stress eating at my nerves. My bed creaked as Sasha sat next to me.

"So, what are you going to do?" she asked, leaning around to face me.

A short laugh fell from my lips. "Seriously?"

"Hell yeah!" Sasha shifted and beamed at me. "Come on, you've gotta have some kind of plan. She doesn't even like the guy she's with, right?" I stayed quiet, giving her the answer she was looking for. "Hehe. Well, what if Connie and I figured out some way to get you two together?"

My expression fell and the blood drained from my face, leaving me pale. "No. No. No way. _Hell_ no. Sasha, promise me that you won't tell her anything. And swear on your life that you won't do anything about this..."

Sasha jumped up and pulled on her dark brown hoodie. "I can promise nothing."

"Sasha, no!" I stood up and ran after her, grabbing her shoulders and pushing my weight forward so that I fell on top of her. She cried out as I put all my weight onto her back. Sasha was smaller than Jeanna, and pinning her down was much easier.

She struggled under my weight. "Marcy!" she gasped. "You're crushing me!"

"Promise me! Do it and I'll get off."

"Fine! I won't tell her! But you have to!"

My cheeks flushed at the thought. "N-no way. I can't do that, don't you get it?"

"No, not really," Sasha choked.

"She's my best friend!" I said, my face burning. Whether from fear, anger, or embarrassment even I couldn't tell anymore. "If I tell her I have feelings for her like that, it could ruin everything! I don't want to lose her!"

Sasha fell still, save her breathing. I was breathing heavily from my outburst. Swallowing hard, I let her go and fell back against the floor, my brown orbs staring up at the ceiling.

"Marcy? I... I'm sorry about that." Sasha pushed herself up and sat on the floor, staring over at me. "It sucks to see you upset like this."

My eyes closed and I groaned, throwing my arms over my face. "Whatever. I manage well enough."

She was quiet for a few seconds before I heard her stand up. "I'm gonna head over to Connie's. I'll be back later."

I smirked and lifted my arms up slightly. "Ask him out already, you dork."

"Know what Marce? I'll ask him out when you ask out Jeanna."

My face pinched at this and I flipped her off. Sasha rolled her eyes at me, but I saw the smile on her face. "Whatever," I sighed. "It's more likely that he'll ask you out. The Fall Carnival is next week."

Her expression brightened. My brows furrowed at this but she left before I could say anything.

Huffing, I stepped over to the red bean-bag and plopped down. I still hadn't played the BioShock Infinite DLC.

It wasn't until I was half-way through that I realized she hadn't agreed to no meddling.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

The Fall Carnival was like a street fair, except the school paid to have rides there as well. It was a Trost specialty, the one event that pulled visitors and tourists into the school district. All the clubs at the college were mandated to help set up booths, food carts, and monitor the rides. There were professionals around, of course. Safety came first, after all. But for the most part Trost Uni was in charge of the whole thing.

It turned out that the Carnival was actually something of a tradition for the Academy students. It was a week-end long event, and the teachers didn't give out homework the Friday of. Which was awesome, regardless of whether or not you actually planned on going. Knowing my friends, I would inevitably be forced to go. Which wasn't a bad thing, for the most part. I'd been to something like this once, when I was in elementary school.

The bad part came with those friends also being meddling assholes.

As soon as everyone found out about my crush on Jeanna, they all made it their business to try and get us together. The Fall Carnival was the excuse they needed to actually have some kind of plan. To their credit, they'd never actually worked together unless it was for school. So it was rather impressive that they put thought into something, even though that something happened to be a massive invasion of our privacy.

The week leading up to the Carnival was chaotic. Some of the clubs at the Academy had volunteered to help with set-up, one of which was the music club. They never met after school and they never used the music room, which only made my irritated mood worse when I found that my piano had been taken hostage. Jeanna and I walked into the room Tuesday afternoon to see that the music room was empty, aside from some leftover dust.

"Well," she started, fixing her backpack strap. "This fucks up our routine."

My face pinched as I scoffed. "No kidding. What are we supposed to do for an hour now?"

Jeanna stepped into the middle of the room, dropping her bag on the ground. "Get in here," she said, sitting down and digging through her backpack for her sketchbook. She flipped to a blank page and clicked her pencil. It was the same one I'd given her over a month ago. She looked up at me and waved me in. "Come on, you dork."

I raised a brow as I stepped into the music room, my eyes trying to adjust to the poor lighting. "What are you doing?"

"Just sit," she ordered. A smirk tugged at her lips as she reached into her bag again, this time pulling out her iPod. Jeanna tugged out the earbuds and sat it on the ground. I sat across from her and pulled my arms out of my backpack straps.

"What are you doing?" I repeated, furrowing my brows as I tugged my grey Academy hoodie back down. It had pulled up over my waist and I could feel the cool air against my exposed skin.

"We've been friends for a little more than a month, and during that time we've listened to almost all the songs on my iPod." She turned on the aforementioned device and grinned. "We have an hour, so we're going to play Guess the Song."

My face pinched. "Guess the what?"

"Song,” she supplied, tucking the pencil into her ponytail briefly while she tapped at the screen. “I'll start a song and you have to name it before they say the title in the lyrics."

"What about when the titles aren't lyrics, like _Fall Out Boy_?" I asked, frowning as I fiddled absentmindedly with a strip of my hair, fingers twisting the ends.

"Then you have a minute to guess." She beamed at me, her smile bright in the dark room. "Trust me, it's fun. I'll start with an easy one." Jeanna tapped the screen of the little nano and a piano started played slow, simple notes.

"Welcome To The Black Parade," I said almost automatically, before the lyrics started playing.

Her smile brightened. "Yup. Next."

This one was obvious. The moment the acoustic guitar started playing I remembered the first time Jeanna had ever played music for me. My lips tugged up and I smiled. "If It Means A Lot To You."

Jeanna nodded and hit the next button. My brow rose as the song started. It felt familiar, but I couldn't place it.

"Argh," I groaned, putting my head in my hands as the singer started. I recognized the band as _Pierce The Veil_ , but I couldn't remember the title because their song titles never made any sense to me. "I know this one!"

She laughed and her pencil skritched across her paper. "I know you do. Just give it a sec."

We went through the entire song, going over the one minute limit Jeanna had set up, and I couldn't figure it out. A low groan fell from my lips as I fell sideways on the floor, my hair falling in front of my face. I puffed at it, trying to get it back in place. "God dammit."

Jeanna laughed again. "Haha! Wow, Marce."

I made a face at her, scrunching up my nose. "Meh. Whatever. What's the next one?"

She tapped her pencil against the sketchbook as she skipped through several songs. Her eyes lit up and her grin widened. "If you don't get this one, I'm leaving your ass here and never speaking to you again."

My brows furrowed. As terrifying as her words were I knew she wasn't being serious, and based on her reaction it had to be another _My Chemical Romance_ song. They were her favorite. That narrowed it down a bit, but I could barely remember a majority of their titles.

"Alright then." I sat up and crossed my legs.

She pressed play and my brows furrowed. It wasn't _MCR_. Not even close. The gentle notes of a guitar started playing and I stared at her.

"I was not expecting this to start playing," I said, blinking as my gaze shifted to her hand. She was sketching something.

"You know the title?" she confirmed, not looking up from her work.

"Of course I know it. Your Guardian Angel," I said, watching her. I hummed along to the tune and my eyes closed. The song was sweet, gentle. I didn't know the singer's name, but I loved it. Like the idea for my Halloween costume, it felt familiar and made me a little sad, but I didn't know why.

Jeanna's eyes flickered up, glancing at me before returning to her sketchbook. My brows furrowed.

"What are you drawing?" I asked, leaning forward to try and look. She slapped the book to her chest, staring at me with wide eyes as she protected it.

"Dude, no. I-it's not even done..."

"So?" My brows furrowed.

She glared at me. "I don't like showing people my art, okay? You should feel honored that I let you see those doodles a couple weeks back."

I frowned but didn't press the matter. Jeanna sighed and picked up her iPod, clicking through songs. We resumed the game, eventually switching places. Jeanna was able to name every song within a handful of notes, her eyes constantly on her sketchbook except for the few times when she looked up at me.

After nearly an hour our routine carried on. We went to the restaurant (Jeanna paid for our burgers, fries, and drinks), did our homework, and then walked back to the dorms. It was normal.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

On Friday I couldn't focus on anything. The blissful normalcy I'd fallen into had been tossed out the window. The previous night's dream had successfully freaked me out and was all I could think about.

I fell asleep around 10:30 on Thursday as usual, but it was one of those bizarre instances when you're aware that you’re sleeping. Lucid dreaming, I think. Where you can control what you do in your dream? But I had nothing to do with what happened. It was like BioShock decided to fuck with my head even more than it already had.

In the dream I was standing in this field, little blue flowers everywhere around me. A guy with short brown hair parted down the middle stepped forward. He had brown eyes and freckles all over, his smile sweet. He wore a weird uniform; white pants, a tan jacket with cross-swords on the emblem, and tall boots. Criss-crossing all over his body were leather belts.

"Who are you?" I asked him, brows furrowing.

"You," he said simply. "Well, another version of you. Obviously, I'm not a girl."

I blinked, trying to understand. "What the hell?"

"This may seem really strange," he started, laughing lightly as his hand reached up to rub the back of his neck, fingers running through his hair. "I should explain, shouldn't I?"

Nodding was all I could do.

"My name is Marco, and I'm here because I'm dead." He said it so easily, as if he were telling me that he was five foot ten. Which he was, and I knew because we were about the same height. His eyes saw my confused expression and he licked his lips, swallowing a little. "That... that's, uh, still pretty vague, isn't it? Um..."

I snorted a laugh at this. "Wow dude. You sure have a way with words."

Marco's cheeks flushed slightly, making his freckles more noticeable, and it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Was I cute when I blushed too? "Yeah, sorry. I'm still pretty new at this."

My head tilted with curiosity. "New at what? Being dead?"

He cringed a little at this and I felt a massive wave of guilt rush over me, wanting to be able to take back my words. "Yeah, that..."

"Okay then, my other male self," I started, lifting a brow. I ran my tongue over my lips and shifted my weight onto my right leg, folding my arms over my chest. This was when I realized I was in my pink camisole and black plaid pants, as if my sleeping form had been taken here. "Why are you here?"

"To make sure you don't end up with regrets, like I did," he said.

My face paled and my tone turned panicked. "A-am I going to die too!?"

Marco laughed at me, his eyes closing when he did so. "God, I hope not. Not anytime soon, at least," he chuckled, opening his eyes so that his brown orbs met my gaze. "No, I'm here because of Jeanna." My eyes widened. "When you die you get to learn all kinds of things about parallel existences and the other versions of you, so yeah. I know about her."

"W-what about her?" I asked, nervous and face burning. Which was stupid because I was talking to myself. But that made it seem even more stupid and complicated.

Marco didn't seem to notice, continuing to remain calm and composed. "She's your world's version of Jean, the guy I left behind when I died," Marco said. His expression turned sullen for a moment, as if remembering, before he pulled himself together. "Anyways, I never had the chance to tell him how... how I feel. I don't want you to give up on Jeanna, because you never know what might happen."

"That's... really deep." I couldn't think of anything better to say. It was a dream. He'd know all of my thoughts. I didn't try to say something more intelligent, because he knew what I was trying to say.

Marco laughed at me again. "Like your costume idea? Pretty accurate, by the way. Not completely, but kinda."

My face paled. "What do you mean? Like... how you died?" He nodded and I froze, my whole body going stiff. "H-how...?"

"I'd rather not get into that," he interrupted, rubbing at his neck while his face flushed again. Jesus fucking Christ, the kid was adorable. How the hell were we the same?

That is, if I took what he was saying seriously... But it was a dream, so... Whatever.

I sighed, the recent events replaying through my mind. "So, am I gay in all of these universes?"

Marco snorted before erupting into peals of laughter that wouldn't stop until he was clutching at his sides, struggling to breathe. I stared at him, unable to understand what was so funny about my completely serious question.

"I-I'm... sorry. You have... no clue... how badly... I needed to hear that," he managed between chortles, amused tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Eventually they did and I continued to stare at him, brow raised. After a moment Marco palmed at his face the way I normally did, and cleared his throat to cut off more laughter. A smile continued to pull at his face. "To answer your question, not exactly. But it seems that us and Jean, Jeanna for you, always end up together. Gender or sexuality doesn't seem to matter. Whether it involves romance or not? That also depends."

My face pinched, more questions pulling at my thoughts. I combed through my hair absentmindedly, fingers twisting the ends as usual. "So who's the original? Like, which version of me?"

Marco cocked his head to the side, staring as if I'd said something incredibly stupid. "There is no original. We just _are_ , if that makes sense. Think, 'two sides to every coin'. Like that game-thing you played. Our lives are connected to the same soul, though we all live independently from one another. You're not even supposed to know about all of this, but I'm bending the rules for now."

A low groan fell from my lips and I sank to the ground, sitting among the little flowers with my face in my hands, fingers rubbing at my temples. Trying to make sense of all this was giving me a head-ache, something that shouldn't happen when asleep.

I heard him laugh lightly. My fingers spaced apart from each other and I looked at him through the gaps. He'd crouched down to my level and was offering me a crooked smile. A smile tugged at my own lips when I saw the way his freckled features pulled when he smiled at me. My hands lowered into my lap and I sighed. "So what now?" I asked.

"Now, you wake up. I'll check in on you every so often, seeing as I don't have much else to do other than stalk Jean." The crooked smile on Marco's face turned into a crooked grin. I could tell that he was joking, and the sight made me laugh.

"Have fun haunting your would-be boyfriend," I teased. This made him laugh and his cheeks flush even darker than before. Again, the kid was fucking adorable.

Soon after, the scene faded away, leaving me lying on my bed trying to figure out what hell happened.

I checked my alarm clock. It was only 5:12. My alarm wouldn't go off until about 6:00.

_Oh well. The showers are probably empty and I don't have anything better to do. No point in going back to sleep..._

-

During lunch I’d zoned out, thinking about Marco and my dream. I'd focused in when Sasha stuck a hand in my face.

"Earth to Marcy," she said, snapping her fingers. I snatched her hand, pushing it away.

Everyone at the table stared at me. My brows furrowed. "What?"

"We're making plans for the Carnival and you're staring at a wall," Jeanna supplied. My gaze shifted to my right, meeting hers. Her hand reached up and brushed her bangs to the side. "What's up?"

"N-nothing," I stammered, remembering what Marco told me. I could feel my face start to warm up. "Just a really weird dream I had last night."

Jeanna lifted a brow at this, but didn't press further. She'd probably ask about it later on.

"So!" Connie started, raising his voice so that everyone could hear him. "The Carnival. We agreed on five o'clock, right?"

Sasha nodded. "Yeah. We'll meet up at the food cart area and have dinner before breaking off. Marcy, Jeanna. Since neither of you have been to this thing before, we'll help out."

The slight flush to my cheeks quickly drained, leaving me pale. 'Help' from the group? While they all knew what Jeanna didn't? Yeah. 'Help' was going to be torture. A million scenarios played through my head where they tried to get us together, each one failing miserably.

"Fine by me," Jeanna said. She drank some water from her bottle before redirecting her attention back to the conversation. "Who's driving?"

"Krista and Bertholdt, seeing as they're the only ones with cars," Armin chimed in.

My eyes narrowed ever so slightly at Krista, so that only she could notice. The little blonde seemed to shrink under my gaze, as if the guilt of breaking her promise was pushing down on her.

 _Get over it Marce_ , I thought bitterly. _Nothing you can do about it now._

"Then we'll do the same as before?" Bertholdt started, shifting where he sat. "Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jeanna, and Marcy in Krista's van. Sasha, Connie, Annie, and me in my car."

Krista nodded. "Sounds good. We'll meet up with Reiner and Ymir when we get food, right?" Her tone sounded excited at the end, mention of her girlfriend brightening her mood as usual.

"That's the plan as I know it," he said.

The rest of lunch went like this, a majority of the group making plans. I eventually zoned out again, only coming back when the bell made me jump.

Jeanna watched me closely as we left the cafeteria, brows furrowed.

I felt small under her gaze, which considering how much taller than her I was made me seem like a wimp. "What?" I asked, lifting a brow and shifting the straps of my backpack.

"You okay?" she asked. "You were quiet all through lunch and you didn't pull on my jacket when Eren and I started yelling at each other. I mean, it's not like I enjoy you yanking me back, but I was prepared for it."

My eyes grew wide. How the hell did I miss that?

Biting on my lower lip, I shook my head. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just..." I sighed, unsure of what to say. "I-it's dumb. Just take it as me being my weird self."

"I will acknowledge that you do have your moments, but you never seemed like the type to completely tune out like that."

I scoffed, smiling slightly. "Guess we still have a lot we don't know about each other."

Jeanna stared at me, unconvinced and a bit more than just pissed. "Seriously Marce, you're kinda freaking me out. What's going on?"

"I told you, it was just a dream," I said, my tone hardening. My eyes narrowed as I pushed my hair back over my shoulder.

She returned my glare. "And I'm saying I don't believe you. ‘Just a dream’ wouldn’t make you zone out and completely ignore everything that happened at lunch. Come on, we're best friends! Like I told you, you can tell me anything."

_Yeah sure. You'll think I'm even crazier when I tell you that a dead version of me from another universe came to me in a dream and told me to tell you that I love you. Like hell is that happening._

I gnawed on my bottom lip, looking anywhere but at her. "I-I just..." I sighed and rubbed at the back of my neck. "It's really stupid, and honestly you'd think I'm insane. So can we just... drop it? Or something? Like, please?"

Jeanna smirked, shaking her head. "I'll let you off the hook for now, but only because class starts in like two minutes." She reached over and put a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. I felt my face flush from the physical contact. She offered me a warm smile and said, "I'll see you after school. I already picked out the movies, so we should be set."

My brow rose. "What movies?"

She grinned. "Not telling," she beamed, tossing her head slightly to shift her bangs to one side. "I'll catch up with you later. Bye Marce."

"See you later," I returned. Jeanna gave me another smile before turning right to head to her class.

The rest of the day was relaxed. The Carnival would be opening tonight, meaning that there was no homework. I initially thought that this would mean we'd have more work to do during the period, but apparently not.

 _This school is so weird,_ I thought as I put my last period papers away. I looked down at my watch, counting down the seconds until the final bell to make sure I didn't jump. The electronic ding sounded throughout the school, and at once all the students in the building got up to leave.

The routine dragged on. Jeanna was waiting for me at the corner of the commons, leaning against the wall while she glared at her phone. Her thumbs moved quickly across the screen, rushed movements that seemed to bring many mistakes.

I approached her slowly, giving her time to finish what she was doing. After a couple seconds she clicked her phone off, shoving it into the pocket of her hoodie.

"Who pissed you off this time?" I asked, brows furrowing.

"Jason," she said, folding her arms over her chest and toying with the ends of her ponytail. Her leg bounced as she leaned. The infamous boyfriend had definitely gotten on her bad side. "He wants to meet up during Thanksgiving break next week."

My eyes widened. "Next week?" I hadn't realized that we were so far into the semester already.

"Yeah, another holiday my folks hate. Neither of them are American and they don't get why I have to have a week off of school for a holiday about food."

I laughed lightly at this. "My parents aren't really native either, but they don't hate it. For me it's a break from school and a chance to hang out with my little sister."

Jeanna's brow rose. "You have a sister?"

"Yeah, I never told you about her?" Jeanna shook her head. "Huh. Guess not. Well, she's almost seven right now. I'm just waiting for the day when she loses that innocence and turns into an annoying brat. The kid is precious as it currently stands."

She smiled. "Well, it's kinda obvious that I'm an only child. I feel like I've got that 'spoiled rich kid' thing going most of the time."

My brow lifted. "Really? I never thought that."

Her phone buzzed, turning her smile into a scowl. "Because you're you," Jeanna said, angrily typing something again.

"What does that even mean?" I asked, my expression contorting into irritation.

Her leg continued to bounce as we stood there. "You seem to find the good in people and allow that to counter out anything else that they do."

Things froze, time moving slowly as my mind tried to process this. Did I, really?

_That could explain a lot..._

Jeanna waved a hand in front of my face. "Marce?"

I blinked and everything refocused. "Uh, yeah?"

Her brow rose again. "You sure you want to go to the music room? You're pretty out of it. We can just go straight to my room, if you want."

My cheeks flushed even though I knew she didn't mean it like that.

_God dammit, Marce! Pull yourself together._

"Yeah, sure. But what about dinner?" I asked, shifting my straps.

"We'll order a couple pizzas or something.  Sound good?"

My face pulled into a smile. "Sounds perfect."

"Awesome." Jeanna returned the smile and put her phone into her bag, ignoring it when it started to buzz against her binders.

Our walk to the fourth floor of Rose was, as usual, pretty quiet. The distance quickly forced out any and all ideal conversation we could think up, which inevitably brought it to the Carnival.

"You know, I've never been to anything like this before," she started, gaze travelling to the cars of Academy students going to the opening.

"I've been to a fair once, a long time ago," I said, brushing my hair back. "I was too small to remember it now, though."

Jeanna snorted a laugh. "It's hard to imagine you being small. How tall are you anyway? Six foot?"

"No! I'm only five ten," I retorted, feeling my cheeks flush. Wait. What the hell!? I'd never been self-conscious over my _height_ before!

I cleared my throat, disguising it as a cough to hide my sudden embarrassment. "You're pretty tall too, so what's your excuse?"

"You're still taller," she said with a smirk, turning to walk backwards. Her lips pulled up to reveal her teeth as she grinned. I turned away, face still burning. "I'm messing with you, you dork. Come on, the building's this way."

"You still haven't told me what you picked out for us to watch," I pointed out, following her down the sidewalk and up the stairs.

"I already said, I'm not telling you. Quit being so damn impatient."

"Oh yeah!? I could stick you in a head lock right now until you tell me."

"Uh huh. I'm sure you _could,_ but you wouldn't. You're too nice." She looked over her shoulder at me with a smirk, picking up her pace as she hopped up the stairs. I grimaced pointedly at the back of her head, even though she couldn't see me.

We raced through the hall to get to her dorm, me beating her by several seconds. She rarely locked her door, giving me easy access. I dropped my bag down beside her desk and pulled out the chair, sitting with the back between my legs like I always did. I huffed, trying to catch my breath as I laughed at the sound of Jeanna cursing me.

"Fucking hell!" she exclaimed, tossing her bag into the room, the tan canvas sliding across the floor. By now I was laughing so hard I thought that I'd fall off the chair. Which I did, hitting the hardwood with a loud thump that would have disturbed anyone in the dorms beneath us. Jeanna seemed to forget about her irritation toward me and started laughing as well at this, dropping onto her bed.

We were dorks, but we were happy dorks.

"You're such a nerd," she laughed, taking to biting on the knuckle of her finger to try to stop. She swallowed rather loudly and gasped, flopping back with a massive smile pulling up the corners of her mouth.

"Hey, you are too," I retorted from my spot on the hardwood floor, hands reaching to brush my hair back while I kicked off my sneakers. Coughing from the lack of air my lungs were getting, I gasped and cleared my throat. After a moment my gaze shifted to the door. "Are you going to close that, or what?"

Jeanna leaned over the side of her bed and glared at me, tossing one of her shoes at me. I laughed as I blocked it. She stood up and closed the door before making her way to the TV and DVD player. Her smile returned as she popped open a case.

"I hope you like Marvel," she started, turning on machines and putting in the disk.

My brows furrowed as I tugged off my hoodie, leaving me a teal long-sleeved tee. I tossed it onto my bag and said, "Marvel? Like the comics?"

"More like the movies. X-Men, all of them," she said, beaming at me as she did a fangirl wiggle.

"Dude, yes!" I cheered, getting up and climbing onto her bed. "I could kiss you, Marvel is way better than DC!"

My cheeks flushed when I realized what I'd said, but Jeanna didn't seem fazed by anything relating towards my desire to press my lips to hers.

_God dammit Marcy!_

Jeanna just kept talking about the movies. "I know, right!? I'll take mutants over aliens any day," she said, obviously referring to the plots of the X-Men movies versus Superman. "Like, I can believe mutants. I can't watch a movie without there being some kinda realistic aspect to it. But aliens like _that_? Meh, Superman can go suck a cock."

My face pinched but I couldn't help but laugh at her crude humor. "Wow. Charming, Jeanna."

"Yup, pretty much." She laughed as she took a seat beside me, reaching across my lap to grab the remote. "I have no clue how long this marathon will take."

"Definitely all night if you're planning on watching them all," I answered.

"Hell yeah!" she cheered, skipping through commercials when possible. "Hey, you've got your watch, right?"

I lifted a brow. That was a stupid question. "You know I always have my watch. Why do you ask?"

"For pizza! I'd guesstimate after the first movie, but around five thirty or six we should order our pizzas."

Understanding, I nodded. "Gotcha. Where are you going to order from?"

"There's a place on the other end of town called Marco's. I figured we'd order from them."

The name 'Marco' reminded me of the dream and for a couple seconds I was pulled into thoughts about what he'd said. I managed to get out of it before Jeanna had a chance to get concerned.

"Sounds good," I said, shifting where I sat as she pressed play.

For at least the next two hours we sat in near silence, occasionally making comments or fangirling over characters. It was definitely enjoyable. And when Jeanna didn't protest my putting an arm around her shoulders, that made me even happier. Of course, I'd tried to justify my actions. Jeanna simply shook her head and elbowed my side, telling me in a teasing tone to shut up.

It was far more comfortable than being awkwardly smushed against her, and also loved being close to her. I was tolerating the 'just friends' thing I was forcing myself into. The dreams I’d had about her were, ah, _enough_ to satisfy my curiosity for now...

Don’t judge me, I’m only human.

At the end of the first movie Jeanna pulled away from me to grab her laptop, letting the credits play through. "Food time!"

I smirked, shifting where I sat when she returned. The ability to order pizza online was a great blessing to socially awkward people everywhere. I was horrible when it came to talking on the phone, even if I was close to the person I was talking to. There was a reason I had unlimited texting on my phone.

"So what do you want to get?" she asked.

"Depends. Who's buying?" I responded, putting my chin on her shoulder as I stared at the web page she pulled up.

"You. I paid for dinner last time," she said.

"Hrm. I've got enough cash for a couple pizzas and a little tip, I think." I frowned as I tried to remember how much cash I had in my bag. "You still have drinks in that thing, right?"

"The fridge? Yeah, there's still a bunch of Pepsi and orange Sunkist."

I hummed, mulling this over. "Then yeah, I've got enough."

She nodded and began clicking on options for pizzas. We went with peperoni and bacon pizzas, light on the sauce, and a thing of cheese sticks to satisfy our eventual movie watching munchies. The total came to nearly $20, which wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting. Again, I really hated spending money.

We started the next movie, resuming our previous positions, until Jeanna got a call from the office on the first floor saying that our food was here. Because the elevator was _still_ out of order, we ended up walking all the way down and carrying the bulky cardboard boxes up to the fourth floor. And by we, I mean that Jeanna more-or-less kept me company while I carried the three large boxes back up to her room.

"They need to fix that damn thing," Jeanna griped.

I laughed at her. "You're not even carrying anything," I said pointedly. She sneered at me before moving to take a box from me.

After eating we changed into our night clothes, Jeanna in the shorts I loved (but never said so) and me in my long plaid pants as usual. I'd packed them into my backpack, knowing that I'd need them. I stayed in my camisole while Jeanna slipped into an oversized t-shirt, her back turned to me as she changed. I'd be lying if I said it wasn’t hard to look away. She was beautiful, and the way her torso curved at the hips? They were horrible thoughts for a 17 year old to be having, but oh my god. She was too attractive and wasn’t stuck up and superficial. That doesn’t happen in real life. _Never!_ Yet here I was, staring at her. Which was really bad. We were friends, the sight was very distracting, and it made my face very red.

Miraculously the bright red of my face had managed to fade a bit when she climbed beside me on the bed. We huddle together under her comforter and resumed our content existence.

The two of us managed to almost finish four movies before finally passing out, Jeanna using my chest as a pillow and me cuddling her. Once again she didn't seem to care.

For whatever reason I thought I would see Marco again, but instead I was met with nothing, my sleep dreamless tonight.

-

When I woke it was because Jeanna was getting up, pulling away from me and causing me to flop to the side. A grunt escaped my lips at this, but I stayed still, not wanting to move. I could hear her bare feet padding across the floor as she went over to her desk. The chair pulled out and she started to curse as the sound of shuffling paper and a clicking pencil distracted me. Was she drawing something again?

I tried to be as quiet as possible as I unwrapped the blanket we had been curled under. Tip-toeing across the room, I looked over Jeanna's head. My brows furrowed. It looked like a funeral pire, like the kinds you see in movies with fantasy or old timey settings. But the setting here didn't look fantasy at all. There were tall buildings as if it were in a city (albeit an older city without tall office buildings), the grey pencil shaded flames casting shadows as specs of ash floated into the sky.

 _Why is she drawing_ that _of all things?_

Jeanna's pencil moved quickly, working as if she'd lose the picture if she stopped. She swore as she clicked the end of her pencil, the small bit of graphite in the tip falling out.

"Dammit!" she swore loudly. She clamped her mouth shut almost automatically, as if remembering that I was (supposedly) on the bed behind her. She seethed and continued clicking. When nothing came, she rolled the chair back to reach into a drawer. I jumped back to avoid getting hit, landing on the bed. It creaked under my weight and she froze, turning around to look at the bed.

Luckily for me, her freezing had allowed me enough time to get into a more innocent position than me staring wide-eyed at her. I sat as though I'd been there the whole time, though my heart was pounding from the sudden adrenaline boost and I was trying to breathe normally.

Her caramel eyes looked me over, nervousness in her gaze. "Did I wake you up again?" she asked.

I nodded, only because I still couldn't act properly. "Y-yeah," I said breathlessly. "Kinda."

She licked her lips and pursed them. "Sorry..."

"I-it's okay," I said, managing to disguise my next breath as a yawn. My hands went up to run through my hair, nails scratching at my scalp.

_That was too close. What if she noticed me!?_

_Then let this be a lesson that you shouldn't pry into people's personal business._

_Oh shut up._

"I wasn't really expecting you to wake up," she admitted, running her fingers through her dark fluff as she tried to think of something to say.

"You did kinda let me fall," I pointed out, remembering the rude awakening I'd experienced.

She bit on her lower lip, something she rarely did. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"What made you move so fast?" I asked, knowing already about the drawing. What I didn't know, however, was the why.

"I-it's stupid, just something from a dream. I wanted to draw it before it had a chance to fade. Try to make sense of it if… that makes sense…"

I blinked, not really expecting an answer like that, and Marco came to mind again.

_This is... unsettling._

"What did you dream about?" I asked, sitting up and grabbing one of her pillows so I had something to rest my head on.

Jeanna's face relaxed, but not in a good way. She looked at me lazily, with irritation in her gaze. "Seriously? When you didn't tell me about yours yesterday?"

I bit on my tongue. "Okay, fair enough. So, what do you want to do for the next six hours?"

"Six!?" She spun on the chair to see her alarm clock. A loud groan fell from her lips when she saw the time. It was almost eleven, and we wouldn't be heading to the Carnival until at least 5:00. "God dammit."

"We could finish watching First Class?" I offered, nodding to her TV. "We got through, like, a quarter of it. That'll eat up at least another hour."

Jeanna nodded and turned to put away the papers, hesitating slightly when she saw her drawing. After a moment, however, she simply sighed and tucked the page into a folder. She pulled on her hair and put it into a half-bun as she walked back across the room. A smile replaced her sullen appearance as she grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, restarting the movie. We huddled together again, enjoying each other's presence.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet, trying to fight off the cold. We'd picked the worst possible time to have gone to this thing, and the school board was horrible for setting up the Carnival on possibly one of the coldest November evenings I'd ever been met with. Now all of us, except for Krista and Bertholdt, were standing outside the Rose building, waiting for the aforementioned seniors to pick us up.

"Marcy, take it easy!" Sasha scolded, stuffing her gloved hands into the pockets of her puffy coat.

"I can't help it!" I retorted, still bouncing. I pulled my hands from my wool jacket, blowing warm air on them. I'd forgotten about gloves, of course, and I was too cheap to go out of my way to pay for a pair. It was stupid of me. We were up north, for Christ's sake. It got cold in October, but because of the surprisingly warm weather I'd allowed myself to forget just how cold things could turn.

"Dude, calm down," Jeanna said, watching me. "You're making me dizzy."

I bit on my lower lip and struggled to do so. Jeanna had come prepared in a navy blue pea coat, black scarf, and a red knit beanie that she'd tucked her hair into. And gloves. She seemed perfectly content to go about life as she was. As for me, my grey wool jacket was warm enough, and my dark green scarf certainly helped, but jeans would never be warm. Even while wearing boots that went up my calves, I still felt cold all the way down.

On the other side, I heard Connie gripe. "Where the fuck are Krista and Bertholdt? They said they'd be here by now."

Upon hearing this I pulled my hand out to check my watch. 5:06. We'd only been out here for a handful of minutes, but already the cold was starting to set in. I groaned, "It's not even that late. Just give them a little more time."

Jeanna leaned into my shoulder, trying to read the time on my wrist. I welcomed the warm body against mine and had to resist the urge to pull her into a hug. Seriously, it was only because I was freezing at that point.

"God dammit," she grimaced, pulling back as she brushed her bangs to their proper place against her forehead. A faint buzzing came from her pocket and she stiffened in surprise. The grimace shifted into a pissed off scowl as she pulled her phone out. "Oh, fuck me."

Sasha lifted a brow. "Everything alright?" she asked cautiously. They were okay friends, but to be honest Sasha found Jeanna a little terrifying when she was in a bad mood.

"My boyfriend is harassing me again," she said through clenched teeth.

Connie's eyes grew wide and he looked at me. His gaze shifted from me to Jeanna and back to me, confusion creasing his forehead.

A sigh fell from his lips and I side-stepped over to Sasha. "I thought her having a boyfriend was also universally known by everyone?" I said quietly so that only she could hear me.

"It is, I guess he just thought they'd have split by now," Sasha replied softly.

"It's a forced relationship," I explained, a pang of guilt gnawing at my chest. It didn't feel right to talk about this.

For whatever reason her smile only brightened. I furrowed my brows, but a breeze made its way under my scarf, sending chills down my spine. I let out a shrill squeal and resumed my bouncing.

"Marcy!" all of them shouted in unison.

_I am invisible! I am invisible!_

It didn't work. I was still quite obviously visible, but by the time I opened my eyes both of the cars had finally come. The lot of us cheered, smiles tugging at our mouths.

"Finally!" Eren complained, waiting for Jeanna and me to get in the very back before sitting. "What the hell took you so fucking long?"

"I had to put gas in this thing," Krista justified as Armin sat beside her. "Can't really go anywhere with an empty tank.

"Fair enough," Armin said, the speed at which he did so making it seem as though he was trying to prevent an argument.

I stayed quiet while the others started talking about what the Carnival would be like. All I got from that chaos was knowledge of the fact that if you didn't think it could be deep fried, it can.

To my surprise, there were a lot of cars trying to get to the Carnival. It was being held on one of the Uni's older lots, and the college was almost twice the size of the Academy. Twice as many students, a majority of them trying to get into the same parking places as us.

Krista hummed nervously. "Uh... do you guys just want to get out here?" she asked. The entrance to the lot was only a few hundred feet away and we could see the various rides the school had rented for the event. It made my head spin to try and think about how much money had been spent on all of this stuff. "It's probably going to take me a while to park."

"Yeah, that's fine," Armin chimed in. He shifted around to ask the rest of us, "Any objections?"

Eren had already unstrapped his seat belt. "Fine by me."

Armin nodded and met my gaze. "How about you guys?"

"It's better than sitting around," Jeanna said. I smiled at this and agreed.

The five of us hopped out and started across the road. Because traffic was more-or-less stopped, we managed to get across without being honked at. Ymir and an individual I assumed was Reiner (I hadn't met him at the party) were by the front gates, obviously waiting for us.

"Finally!" Ymir said loudly. "We've been waiting for, like, the last half hour."

"Your girlfriend had to put gas in her van," Eren retorted, stuffing his hands into his dark green hoodie.

Ymir made a face at him and turned to Jeanna and me. "Hey, it's the hero and her damsel in distress!"

My expression soured at the sound of this. "Please don't call me that," I begged, rewrapping my scarf and tucking my chin into the soft green fabric.

Jeanna was smug as she tugged her beanie over her ears, her studs poking through the red knit. "I dunno. Sounds kinda accurate." I shot her a glare and she shrugged, reaching out to poke me in the side. My hands pulled from the warmth of my pockets to block her, my elbows bent like a poorly executed ninja move.

"Remember how I told you I'd make it up to you for what happened at the party?" Ymir said, easily taking the conversation in a different direction. I nodded cautiously, lowering my arms and putting my hands back. A grin tugged at her face as she pulled out two cards with the University's mascot on it. "I pulled some strings and managed to get you guys free passes for all of the rides and booths, including food. Just show these to the person in charge of whatever and you're home free."

I blinked in disbelief at the little laminated cards. They weren't really cards, but according to Ymir it made everything free.

"It's like you know how much I hate spending money," I commented, taking the card and staring at it as I turned it over in my hands.

"A girl I know, Anyka, said that it would be a good way to make up for the party. Apparently she met you last month? She was working in the Spirit shop..."

"Red?" I thought out loud, the nickname I'd given her slipping. "Y-you mean the psychic girl?"

"Yeah, that's her. She's a bit weird, but her advice is the best. It may not cover the emotional trauma and such, but I'm hoping it helps."

I laughed at this, tucking my hands in my pocket. “It’s great. Thanks.”

An inaudible voice from behind me called out, causing me to stiffen. It sounded like Sasha and Connie. Turning on my heel I noticed that they, Annie, and Bertholdt were all walking up through the blocked traffic. Annie saw Reiner and smiled, something I’d never actually seen before. The two of them and Bertholdt broke off from the rest of the group, Reiner latching onto his boyfriend and not letting him go. It was cute.

My other companions eventually pulled my attention back. “How did you guys get here so fast?” Eren asked, brows furrowed.

“We parked further down the street,” Connie said, jerking his head towards the left. “We walked most of the way here. Is Krista still in that mess?”

“Yeah, she’s still stuck,” Ymir griped, arms folding over her chest. “You guys can go on ahead if you want. I’m gonna wait here for her.”

Our group nodded almost simultaneously before we made our way through the gates. My eyes grew wide at the sight. There were decorative lights and stands everywhere, crowds flooding the lot. In the back were various rides, like small coasters and even a ferris wheel. First things first, though. My stomach was starting to growl from the smell of deep-fried everything.

Sasha’s expression brightened at the sight of the food stands. A massive grin pulled at her lips and she snatched Connie’s wrist. “Come on! I’m starving!”

I laughed at the sight and grinned, turning to Jeanna. She was dumbstruck by the sight, it seemed, her mouth slightly agape as she kept looking around. My lips pulled as I grinned.

“Pretty awesome, right?” I beamed at her, leaning around to look up at her.

She just nodded, closing her mouth and clearing her throat. “Yeah, it is. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this.”

I laughed again and reached out to grab her wrist, tugging her hand from her pocket and grinning as I dragged her towards the food. Jeanna didn’t try to pull back.

I’d been to a real fair once as a small child. Still in elementary school, I think. Maybe younger? I can’t really remember much of it, but the food was actually something that stuck with me. Corndogs, funnel cake, dripping burgers, and crispy fries. I loved it all. And luckily for me, Ymir had given me the ability to have it all for free.

Almost automatically I ordered a corndog. Those things were addicting. The entire time Jeanna just stared at me, brows furrowed and her nose turned up.

“I can’t decide whether or not that looks edible,” she commented as I was handed my food.

A smile continued to tug at my face as I bit down on the end of my food. “You trusted me with the chili fries, you can trust me with fair food,” I said, lisping slightly because my tongue was holding my food out of the way. Swallowing, I held it out to her, sticking it so close to her face that it was about to touch her nose. “You know you wanna try it.”

Jeanna shook her head and smirked at me, but she stared at the corndog and took a bite off of it. Her head tilted to the side and she laughed as she chewed. “That’s actually pretty good,” she said after swallowing.

“I told you!” I cheered, biting off another inch or so of the deep-fried hotdog.  Jeanna laughed lightly, causing me to furrow my brows. I pushed my food to the side again and said, “What?”

“Nothing,” she sing-songed, her smile turned teasing.

My eyes narrowed. “ _What_?” I pressed, my tone lowering.

“Just the indirect kissing with a corndog,” she said, nodding to the aforementioned food item in my hand.

Inevitably, my gaze lowered to her lips and my face flushed. My breath caught in my throat and I started coughing, which only helped to get hotdog lodged in my throat. I nearly dropped my food as I coughed, my face turning red from lack of oxygen now.

“Fuck! Dude, it was a joke!” she cried out, taking the food from me so I could cough freely. “Christ, hold on a sec. And don’t die!”

My brows furrowed as I continued coughing. My chest was getting sore and I was starting to feel lightheaded. The sight of her returning with a large cup filled with water made my imagination stick a halo over her head.

“Here,” she said, handing me the cup. I nodded and brought it up to my lips, gratefully swallowing. The cold liquid ran down my now dry throat and I actually moaned when I could breathe again, the corners of my lips quirking up.

“Heh, my hero,” I said breathlessly. I inhaled deeply and sighed, running a hand over my head and down the thick ponytail. _Way to go there, Marcy. End up like Marco, why don’t you?_

_I thought that was just a dream?_

Jeanna’s voice, as usual, brought me back to reality and the smirk turned into a smile. “Wasn’t really being heroic, but hey. I’ll take the compliment,” she said, tugging off one of her gloves so she could steal some of my fries. I narrowed my eyes and brought the cup back up to my lips, glaring as I swallowed.

The two of us ate the rest of my food, Jeanna devouring most of my fries while I finished off the corndog, and then started down the aisles of booths. Jeanna mocked me each time I went to the ones obviously directed towards kids. I insisted that she do the same with me, using her sheltered childhood as an excuse to get her to relive what she missed out on growing up. It was all fun and games until a familiar face with bright red hair caught my eye.

I’d dragged Jeanna to a ring toss, one of those games where you have to throw the plastic rings around bottles. If you can get a few rings onto the bottles, you can win a prize. Neither of us cared for the little plushies, but Jeanna was getting annoyed.

“God dammit!” she cried, launching a ring at a bottle that bounced off the glass and launched towards the guy behind the counter. He shot her a glare, the two briefly locked in a moment of sheer hatred.

Sighing, I put my hands on Jeanna’s shoulders and started to pull her away. “We’ve been here for like ten minutes. The sun’s gone down in the time you’ve been here,” I pointed out.

She griped before saying something I didn’t understand, though it certainly didn’t sound like English.

“What the hell?” I said, staring down at her.

“What?” she asked, brows furrowing.

I stared at her blinking. “Was that… French?”

Her eyes grew wide and she started swearing, more weird words slipping in between her usual ‘fuck’s and ‘dammit’s. My lips tugged up into a smile and I started laughing.

“Hey!” she practically shouted at me. “What the hell is so funny?”

“I’ve never seen you get like this before,” I strained, my smile pulling into a grin. “And I’ve never heard you slip into French before.”

“Because I fucking hate French!” she exclaimed. I bit down on my tongue to stop laughing and looked at her.  “My mother speaks it around the house, and the only time I ever interact with her is when I’ve turned into her ‘shit child’.”

“So then what did you just say?” I asked, brow raising.

She shrugged. “Hell if I know.”

I snorted a laugh, shaking my head at her. “Dork.”

“Yeah, whatever. You’re still stuck with me,” she said with a smug grin.

Somehow I managed to pull her away from the game that was consuming her soul and we kept walking. It was then that I noticed the red haired clairvoyant.

It wasn’t that she was being incredibly upfront about her booth. It was actually rather mellow, simple. But Anyka, on the other hand, happened to be very loud.

“Hey look, it’s my favorite bisexual,” she said as Jeanna and I neared, her tone much too loud for my liking.

Swallowing, I cringed slightly. “Please don’t do that,” I begged once we were in earshot.

She nodded and leaned over the counter. She was wearing what looked like a gypsy costume, thin fabric and scarfs covering her while one was tied around her head. I was amazed she wasn’t freezing. “Right, sorry. Forgot. Ymir told me ‘bout what happened, you alright?” Her sweet southern accent lilted in a way that coming from anyone else would have sounded annoying.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” I’d almost forgotten about the fact Jeanna was standing beside me, and I could feel her glare the moment I’d said it.

Anyka noticed, of course. Her gaze flitted from me to Jeanna and then back to me. “This is her, isn’t it?”

My face started burning and my back stiffened as I remembered the last conversation I’d had with this girl. Luckily, Jeanna was the one that had started talking. “What are you talking about?”

The red head beamed at her. “You’re Jeanna, right? Ymir told me about you. Though I know _plenty_ about you.” The grin faded into a soft smile. Jeanna continued to stare, confused. “Hm… let’s see… poor family life, sheltered childhood, shitty relationship with a guy you don’t like… what else?”

“How the fuck…?” Jeanna started, staring with her mouth half open and her expression contorted.

“There’s a reason I set up a fortune telling booth,” Anyka pointed out, tapping against the sign above her. “Believe me or not, but I’m psychic. I can tell you your future, if you’d like?”

Jeanna scoffed. “Yeah, right. There’s no way that’ll work.”

“Oh yeah?” Anyka reached out and grabbed Jeanna’s hand before she could protest, taking off the glove and running her fingers across her skin.

“What the hell are you doing?” she exclaimed, pulling her hand back.

Anyka lifted a brow while a sinister smirk tugged across her lips. Shaking her head, she sat back in the chair behind the counter, propping her feet up while she crossed her arms over her chest. “You seem to be in denial, darling. About a… relationship of some kind, I believe. And I can tell that you’re gonna be in for a lotta confusion within the next few weeks.”

“You’re insane,” Jeanna dead-panned, face plain as she slipped her glove back on.

“Only slightly,” Anyka teased, beaming up at us. My brows furrowed as her gaze once again met mine. “Your turn, darling.”

I jumped and my eyes widened slightly. “Oh! I, um… well…” I couldn’t think of an excuse.

“Aw, come on. It’s only fair that I told your girly friend’s future. You’re next, sweetheart.” She pulled her feet down and leaned forward, extending a hand to me. I really wished that I found her attractive, but that goddamned nose ring was annoying the hell out of me.

With a sigh I shook my head, once more taking my hand from the safe warmth of my pocket. “Oh fine,” I said, exasperated.

Anyka beamed again, happily taking hold of my hand. The girl was like a radiator, her warm fingertips brushing over my clammy skin. Her eyes closed and her head tilted.

“You’re energy is so _tense_. A bad dream, maybe?” Anyka opened her eyes and looked up at me, meeting my unsettled gaze. “Hm… You and someone else. Anger and frustration, but then… something else…”

I pulled my hand away and licked at my lips, wringing my hands. “O-okay, we’re done here,” I said eventually, swallowing nervously. Anyka looked up at me and smiled deviously.

“Are you sure?” she asked, clasping her hands together and resting her head on her knuckles. “I saw some details I’m sure you’d _love_ to know about.”

The way she said that was _too_ suggestive and made my cheeks flush. I tugged at my scarf, acting as though I’d gotten cold and pulling it over my nose and my burning cheeks as I shrank into my coat. “N-no, I’m fine.”

 _Dammit_. I’d let that forbidden word slip out _again_ and could I could feel Jeanna looking at me. Anyka’s glances weren’t helping.

“You okay Marce?” Jeanna asked, leaning around to face me.

“Yeah, I am,” I said firmly, not giving my voice a chance to crack or do any of that other weird shit it tended to do when I was nervous.

Anyka leaned back with a yawn, her boots returning to their place on the counter. “Well if that’s all, then I hope the two of you enjoy the ferris wheel.”

“…What?”

As if on fucking cue Connie and Sasha came out of nowhere, beaming bright grins at us as they took us hostage; Sasha taking hold of my arm while Connie latched onto Jeanna.

“What the hell!?” we exclaimed in unison as we found ourselves being dragged through the lot. Jeanna and I stared at each other, confused.

“The lines finally went down,” Sasha started, her grip on me not slipping.

“We know that you guys haven’t been on any of the rides yet, so we decided to _help out_ ,” Connie continued.

“Are you insane!?” Jeanna exclaimed, trying to tug her arm back.

“Just a bit,” Sasha admitted.

I grimaced at this, gritting my teeth as a loose strand of hair fell in my face. _Dammit. I thought things had gotten too quiet,_ I thought bitterly.

Part of me wanted to twist Sasha’s arm and throw her over my shoulder. I could do it. Easily. But considering we were in public and were already being stared at by countless bystanders, I decided against doing so.

_God, or whatever’s out there… please don’t let me fuck anything up._

Connie and Sasha practically threw us into the ferris wheel carriage, Jeanna first and me landing on top of her. We scrambled to get untangled and Jeanna reached across from me to try and attack.

“You little shits!” she cried, flailing.

“Jeanna!” I scolded, grabbing the collar of her coat and pulling her back. “There are kids around, keep your voice down!”

Her gloved hands palmed at wrists as the guy in charge of the ride lowered the lap bar. She froze instantly.

“Enjoy the ride,” he said, smiling at me. My face flushed as he pushed a button, the carriage lurching forward.

Jeanna let out a soft moan, panic in her tone. “Oh god,” she whimpered as we were slowly lifted into the air. She latched onto my arm and I stiffened.

“J-Jeanna?” I started, looking down at her.

She froze and pulled away, swallowing audibly. “I, um. Sorry…”

“You okay?” I asked, tilting my head.

“Y-yeah,” she stammered. It may have been the poor lighting, but I could’ve sworn I saw her cheeks flush. “Just, uh. Never been on something like this before, you know?”

My brow rose but I didn’t say anything, nodding as my response.

_This… this isn’t so bad, right? Jeanna’s freaking out and you’re a nervous wreck, but it’s not bad?_

The carriage lurched to a stop at the top of the wheel and my stomach dropped as the lights around the wheel went off. _Spoke too soon._

Jeanna went into a panic. “D-did the ride just _stop_!?” she exclaimed. “Oh god. We’re stuck. Dude, we’re fucking stuck!”

“Jeanna! Calm down!” I screamed, grabbing her shoulders and turning her around to face me. Her eyes were wide and her body stiffened. “They’ll get the ride fixed, we are _not_ stuck!”

She licked her lips and started shaking. “Y-yeah, I know… it’s just…”

My brows furrowed. “Just what?”

“I… p-please don’t make fun of me for this, b-but I-I…” she started, stammering. “I don’t like heights.”

That was… not what I was expecting, honestly.

“You’re joking,” I said plainly.

Jeanna whimpered again and pulled her knees close to her chest, the inactive lap bar moving out of the way so she could do so. The carriage rocked slightly from the movement and my eyes widened.

“H-hey,” I started, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She seemed to relax under my touch and a smile tugged at my lips. I slipped my arm around her shoulders, the fingers of my right hand gripping the fabric of her coat as I held her close to my chest. “Look, it’ll be alright. The Uni will figure out a way to get the ride running again, and we’ll be able to get down. Just like, I dunno, try not to think about it.”

She laughed lightly, leaning into me. “You make it sound like nothing.”

Her left hand reached up to her shoulder to take hold of my right. I wasn’t sure what to make of this, but at that moment I decided that after all the shit she’d been through for me, I’d have to ignore my heart and do what I could to help her calm down. Already her choppy breathing had slowed and she tried to match pace with me, my thumb gently brushing over her gloved knuckles.

I’m not sure how long we were stuck up there. Eventually I got Jeanna to look up and admire the view with me. From where we were we had a pretty decent view of the city, the skyscrapers and tall buildings lighting up the horizon. There were no stars (damn you light pollution!), but it was still nice. And when the lights on the ride lit up around us, we hardly even registered what had happened until we were back on the ground.

The group automatically ran up to us. Connie, Sasha, Ymir, all of them. They all made their way over to the ferris wheel. Jeanna let go of my hand and straightened out, pulling away awkwardly.

“Oh my god!” Sasha cried out, latching onto me in a hug once I was off. I stumbled backwards, nearly falling into the carriage again. “I’m so sorry, we had no clue the ride was going to break like that!”

My lips quirked up into a smile and I patted her on the head. “I-it’s alright Sasha. Really. Like, we’re still alive. No harm done.”

Jeanna tch-ed at this, folding her arms over her chest. “’No harm’ she says. “We could’ve gotten stuck up there for who the hell knows how long, and you’re just gonna play it off like nothing happened.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing,” I said simply, pushing Sasha away. I turned to Jeanna and offered her a smile. Eventually it was returned. She couldn’t stay mad at me, no matter how hard she tried to make it seem like she was.

The rest of the evening we stayed away from rides, choosing to stick with the childish games that frustrated the hell out of us (mainly Jeanna). When the time finally hit 11:30 or so we all had to leave, the dorm curfew being midnight. The two of us sat in the back as usual, leaning on each other as the fatigue caught up.

 _Don’t do anything to fuck this up_ , I thought, a smile tugging at my lips as Jeanna’s bangs brushed against my neck where she was lying on me. My heart was aching. With her so peaceful there against me, there was nothing I wanted more than to be able to press a kiss to the top of her head like the dork I am.          

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That parallel worlds tag now makes sense, doesn't it? I had this epiphany while writing and now I've got more of a plot and etc. I don't know if it's cliché as well, but I like it. 
> 
> SO! Jeanna's fear of heights! It's a dorky head-canon I came up with to flesh out her character a bit more. And the French thing. I took two semesters of French this past school year and I learned enough to pass the class because my teacher sucked, so I didn't put any actual French in here. Maybe later, but for now it's mentioned.
> 
> Anyways, I hope that all of you reading enjoyed! I should probably get back to writing chapter 7, and I really hope I can finish it in time for the next update day ^_^;;;
> 
> Friendly reminder that I love feedback and would appreciate any comments or constructive criticism you may have.
> 
> But farewell my friends, and I'll see you again hopefully on Thursday.  
> Take care <3


	7. Awake My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fantasies and dreams should remain imaginary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wah, I'm sorry for not updating on time :\  
> In my defense, writing the end of this was kinda hard. That, and my birthday was Thursday, so I feel that gives me some entitlement to being lazy. Next week, however, I'm going to be with my best friend for a few days and may not find proper time to get work done. I will try though.
> 
> Now a couple notes. Since Marcy's mother is Italian, there is a bit of the italian language in here. I am not Italian, nor do I know the language. So you can thank the translating site I used for any big fuck ups.  
> Also, as this is my first time ever writing anything romantic, writing the beginning scene of this was rather... _awkward_ for me...  
>  And last but not least, the song links. The chapter title is named after a song that can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhYuReqEhkI).  
> The song the Jeanna sings at the end can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-XUjmkrSe8).
> 
> [Jeanna's POV for this chapter](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1887582/chapters/5970104)  
> I will let you continue friends. Enjoy~

_ And now my heart stumbles  _

_ on things I don't know _

_ My weakness I feel _

_ I must finally show.... _

 

* * *

 

_The two of us sat pressed against each other on the twin bed, basically the same thing we’d been doing every Friday since we’d met. This time was different, however. Her mostly bare leg was pressed against mine, her hand on my thigh, fingers brushing against my skin because I was wearing shorts as well. My arm was around her shoulders as usual and I turned slightly to look at her. She was looking at me through her sandy bangs, her tongue licking at her lips. She moved closer, her eyes closing and the smell of green apples making my head rush._

_My own eyes closed and I inched nearer to her, closing the gap and pressing my lips against hers. I pulled her up into my lap so that we weren’t in such weird angles. She straddled my hips and wrapped her arms around my neck, leaning into me and trailing her tongue along my lips. My head met with the wall and she had me pinned._

_Sweet. She tasted so sweet, and the smell and warmth of her sent my mind spinning and made my breath hitch in short gasps. I couldn’t believe it. My hands ran up and down her bare thighs, and I could feel her breath catch as my fingers went further up into the fabric…_

“Marcella!” my mom’s voice shouted as she slipped into Italian. “ _Svegliati_ _bella!_ ”

My entire body froze at the sound of being told to wake up, the rush I’d had from dream-kissing Jeanna coloring my whole face red as I threw the comforter over my head. I groaned, “Dammit…”

It had been a couple days since I’d last seen Jeanna, and my dreams had gotten rather adventurous as of late. Had my mom not called, I’m not sure where things would have gone from there.

No. That’s a lie. I did know. And it made my face burn just thinking about it.

_God dammit Marcy!_

I groaned, still in a state of shock from my awakening, before sinking even deeper into my sheets. I didn’t seem to have moved that much while I was asleep, but my muscles ached. Over the last few days my dreams had either been Marco chatting with me, or me trying to get in Jeanna’s pants. Thanks to a guilty conscience, I wasn’t sure which I preferred.

“Marcy!” she called again. “Wake up sleepy head! Breakfast is ready!”

_I am invisible…_

The sound of quick, light footsteps coming from the hall made me tense. I didn’t even hear my door open and pretty soon there was a hyperactive six year old crushing me.

“Marcy, wake up!” she cheered, bouncing on my bed. I grunted loudly in irritation, sinking even further as I curled up.

_I AM INVISIBLE!_

Anna tugged at my comforter, uncovering my head. I groaned again, making my younger sister giggle. “Oh Marcy,” she sing-songed. “Momma made waffles.”

_Okay, I’m not invisible._

My mom’s waffles were the one thing that would forever be able to pull me from my bed.

Yawning loudly, I stretched out before smirking. A dumb grin pulled at my lips and I wrapped my arms around my sister, nuzzling against her neck.

“Morning kiddo,” I joked, holding her in place as she squirmed to try and get away.

“Agh! Marcy your hair tickles!” she exclaimed, still pushing at me.

“Don’t tempt me,” I warned, grinning still. I sat up and slung her over my shoulder, causing her to struggle against me as I got up and walked down the stairs with her. I laughed as I bounced down to the first floor.

My mom poked her head around the corner when she heard us come down. Her brown eyes narrowed when she saw me. “Marcy, be careful on the stairs when you do that,” she scolded, frowning.

I let Anna down and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry,” I said.

The frown faded as quickly as it appeared. She could never be mad at me. “It’s fine, Marcy. Just be careful, okay?”

_Fine…_

Nodding, I gave her a smile and made my way over to the kitchen. The air smelled of sweet, warm dough and a little bit of smoke. Mom hummed lightly to herself as she pulled out a couple plates and forks. It was such a familiar feeling, being home, and ever since returning I’d realized how much I been missing it these past months.

“So, how’s school going?” she asked as she brought over the eating utensils. “You’ve been pretty distant since coming home, everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s all great,” I tell her, smiling. “I’ve been doing some homework for my classes, that’s why I haven’t been out much.”

It was true. Armin and I had gotten paired to do a project in Levi’s (that’s literally what we call this teacher. No one knows his last name, not even the other staff) English class and I’d been working with him over Skype and Google docs. We finished late last night to get everything over with.

“That’s fine.” She reached into the fridge and pulled out something I couldn’t see as she kept talking. “I heard you talking to someone last night. A friend?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said, surprised that she’d continued to ask questions. “He’s in my English class and he sits with me and some others at lunch. We were doing work together.”

Mom opened her mouth to keep talking but the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs interrupted her. Anna and I laughed at the sound of Dad griping about his tie.

“Oh _tesoro_ ,” Mom sighed, slipping back into her Italian pet names. I was _bella_ , her ‘beautiful’ daughter; Anna was _gioia_ , her ‘joy’; and Dad was _tesoro_ , her ‘darling’. I didn’t know much Italian beyond the pet names, but I’d never needed to know it seeing as English was used at school and around the house.

Dad walked into the kitchen, rubbing at the back of his neck while a faint blush colored his cheeks and his freckles. His hair was brown and cut short, and now that I saw him like this it reminded me of Marco.

_Because Marco is me and Dad is half of me. Or, I’m half of him. You know? Genetics and stuff…_

_Shut up, you’ve barely been awake for ten minutes. Don’t try this when you’re still tired._

“Daddy, your tie looks really weird,” Anna pointed out, nodding her head to our father’s hopelessness. The sight was almost cringe worthy.

“Dude, you’ve been wearing ties for how long now?” I said, grinning at him as I twisted around in my chair and put my chin on the back rest.

Dad’s nose scrunched up at us and we laughed. I had no clue how many parents would let their kids call them ‘dude’, but mine didn’t seem to care.

Mom shook her head and washed off her hands before moving over to flip the collar of his shirt up. “I’ve been doing this for you for nearly twenty years. I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.”

The two exchanged loving looks before my mom pulled on the collar, bringing their lips together. Anna squirmed where she sat, not exactly enjoying the PDA in our kitchen. I thought it was sweet.

My parents’ love story sounds like something out of a romantic comedy, which is exactly why I wouldn’t have believed them had they not had photographed evidence. My mom used to own a restaurant and my dad was lower in the company-thingy he’s now the CEO/president of (I honestly have no real clue as to what it is my dad does as the family’s breadwinner). Anyways, they told us about how Dad would go to that restaurant every day for lunch just to see Mom behind the counter. After nearly a year Mom was the one that asked him out. Obviously they went out, fell in love, and have been in love ever since. It gives me a bit of hope for my future; that maybe I can find someone who can make me that happy every day, because the only time they ever fought was over what to get for dinner.

“Not in the kitchen!” Anna complained, turning around. Her nose scrunched up slightly, an amusing sight for me because she had Mom’s round face.

We all laughed at her.

“I wish I could stay and have breakfast with you three,” Dad started, the slightest bit of British in his accent. “But there’s an early video conference with clients overseas. It’s later over there, so I have to leave.”

Mom’s face pinched. “You’re joking.”

“I wish I was,” he said, running his hands through his hair.

Mom groaned. “Oh fine,” she sighed. “You’ll be home for dinner, yes?”

Dad nodded. “I’m pretty sure. Tomorrow is a definite day off, so you don’t have to worry about anything coming up,” he assured us. He gave Mom a peck on the cheek before crossing the kitchen to give Anna and me our hugs. I wrapped my arms around his torso while my sister stood on the seat of her chair to latch onto his neck. He kissed our cheeks as well and left through the side door.

Mom stared at the door, as if waiting for him to walk back in. After a moment she sighed. “I hope nothing comes up tomorrow,” she thought out loud.

I started knocking on our wooden table, Anna joining me when she figured out what I was doing. Mom turned around and lifted a brow.

“Careful Mom, you might jinx him,” I warned teasingly.

Her brown eyes narrowed into a glare, lip curling into a scowl. It was her signature ‘don’t fuck with me Marcella’ look. A look that faded rather quickly, to be honest.

“Alright, you two. Breakfast is ready.” Mom came over and placed down plates of food in front of us. My eyes grew wide when I saw what she was carrying along with the fruit.

“My birthday was like five months ago,” I thought out loud, the can of whipped cream capturing my attention completely.

Mom rolled her eyes at me. “Am I not allowed to do something special on an ordinary day?”

“N-no, I didn’t mean it like that!” I protested, getting flustered.

She laughed as she set the plates down and shook the can. “I figured I’d do something special while you’re here,” she justified, popping off the top and letting the fluffy stuff cover the top of my waffle. A grin pulled at my face as I started eating, snacking on the fruit.

Anna jumped in her seat. “Can you do that to mine too?” she begged.

I rolled my eyes as Mom complied. “Like _that one_ needs sugar.”

My sister stuck her tongue out at me again, face pinching. Ah, the good old days where a tongue was the equivalent of a middle finger. Something told me that I’d be seeing a lot of that when she got older.

“Here’s an idea,” Mom started as she left us to our food. “How about you take her to the park and let the sugar keep her busy?”

Anna’s expression brightened and she looked at me expectantly.

_That’s not a suggestion, Mother. That’s a ‘you’re doing this whether you actually want to or not’._

"I guess I can take her up there,” I complied, stabbing into my waffle.

The three of us ate mostly in silence until Mom picked up where Dad had cut her off, pulling our conversation back into the topic of school. I told her some about my classes and the lunch group. I made sure that nothing came out relating to the Halloween party. If she knew about my freak out then I was almost certain she’d take me back to the psychiatrist. There were few things I truly hated in this world, and the existence of that quack was one of them.

It was also possible that she’d pull me from the school. If she didn’t think I was safe, then there was nothing stopping her from bringing me back home to do online classes like we’d done the previous year. Doing that would be counterproductive and would completely fuck up what I was trying to do; get through high school, go to Trost University, and then figure out what I’d do with the rest of my life.

 _Just keep that glitch to yourself for now, Marcy._ I stuffed more waffle into my mouth and chewed pensively. _You’ve been doing fine for a long time now. It’s just another year and a half until college…_

I breathed deeply and slumped in my seat, letting out a sigh before I arched my back across the backrest of my chair. I could hear something pop, pulling a tired sigh that turned into a yawn.

_Okay, nap time now._

“Breakfast is done!” Anna announced. She pushed the chair away from the table and ran through the kitchen saying, “I’m gonna get dressed!”

 _God dammit,_ I though bitterly, remembering my earlier orders.

I pushed away from the table and stood, stretching before picking up my dishes and putting them into the sink. Another yawn escaped as I made my way up to the second floor.

It had been getting colder and colder over the last few days. As it stood, the temperature was in the 40s. Which wasn’t that bad. Going to the park wouldn’t be an issue for the kid. Anna loved the cold, and loved it even more when there was snow. I, on the other hand, was a wimp.

“Where’s that jacket?” I mumbled as I dug through the suitcase I’d brought. I cheered when I found my grey wool coat.

 _Aha! There you are!_ I thought as I pulled it out, tugging a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt out as well. A grin stretched across my face but faltered when I saw a flash of red in the corner of my eye. “Hm?”

Sitting at the bottom of my suit case was a red knit hat. Correction: Jeanna’s hat. I’d somehow managed to kidnap her beanie.

“Oh fuck,” I breathed. Immediately I reached over to my bed to grab my phone from the nightstand.

**To: Jeanna  
-Um, sorry in advance for this. But I think I have your beanie…**

Her response came faster than I anticipated

**From: Jeanna  
-dude wtf??? why?**

 I let out an irritated groan and flopped back on my bed, face pinching as I typed out a response.

**To: Jeanna  
-It’s not like I stole it! I don’t even know how it got into my suitcase! What do you want me to do with it?**

**From: Jeanna  
-hmmmm… where do you live?**

My brows furrowed and I stared at the screen for a couple moments.

**To: Jeanna  
-On the east side of Jinae. Why?**

**From: Jeanna  
-so i can get my hat back, you little shit :p**

**To: Jeanna  
-I’m not staying home for much longer. I’m taking my sister to the park. **

**From: Jeanna  
-i think i know where that is**

My eyes grew wide and I was dumbstruck. If I was right, she lived closer to Trost than Jinae.

**To: Jeanna  
-Are you serious? You don’t have to come all that way! Isn’t that a bit far for you?**

**From: Jeanna  
-i’m already out, it’s not that far now. i’ll see you in half an hour. **

I continued staring.

_She can’t really be serious, right?_

The dream from last night came to mind and colored my cheeks. As much as I wanted to ignore it, there was no escaping talking to Jeanna today.

With a sigh I sat up, got dressed, tugged on my boots, and pulled on Jeanna’s beanie. The red knit scratched at my ears, but as long as I had her hat I could wear it. Right?

“Marcy! I’m ready to go!” Anna called, bouncing happily into my room. She came over to me and I smirked, reaching over to zip up her purple coat.

“M’kay. Let’s go kiddo,” I said, ruffling her hair. Anna combed her curls back down and we went downstairs, stopping only for a moment to tell Mom we were going.

-

The park was only a fifteen minute walk from the house. When we got there Anna immediately recognized some of her friends from school and ran off to join them. I kept an eye on her as I made my way to the swings on the opposite end. From where I sat I had a wide view of the entire playground, making it the perfect babysitting spot.

I tugged my dark green scarf up over my nose, my breath warming my cheeks. I sighed as I kicked against the ground, pushing the swing back and forth until I started getting higher. I’d always loved swings, ever since I was little. I loved the way it made me feel like I was flying. Weightless. Free.

“Hey! Freckles!” an all too familiar voice called out. I looked across the playground and grinned at the sight of Jeanna in her navy pea coat. All my concerns from before flew away as I let go of the swing chains and launched about ten feet across the ground, landing with bent knees so I didn’t hurt myself.

“Dude! Careful!” she cautioned, running over to me to make sure I wasn’t hurt.

I laughed at her. “I’ve done that a million times before, you dork. Stop worrying.”

She met my gaze with a pinched expression, her cheeks and nose flushed from the cold. “S-sorry,” she stuttered, reaching up to run a hand through her dark fluff.

“You alright?” I asked, tilting my head and bending down a bit to meet her gaze better.

Jeanna licked at her lips and nodded. “Y-yeah, I am. I’ve just got a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

My brows furrowed. I’d known Jeanna for a month and a half by now and had yet to see her get like this.

Her expression shifted into a smug smile when she noticed me staring. “Now as cute as that hat looks on you, I’d like it back now.”

“Aw, you think I’m cute?” I teased, putting on the most innocent expression I could manage and batted my lashes at her. I tried my hardest to ignore the fact that my face had suddenly grown warm.

She rolled her eyes. “You’re adorable, now give me back my hat.”

My lips tugged down into a mock-pout as I gave it up, the yarn catching my hair and pulling it in front of my face. I gave her the hat so I could comb it back into place.

Jeanna laughed as she turned the hat over in her hands. “You dork,” she said, reaching up to help fix my hair. My face flushed slightly.

“Meh,” I sneered, making a face at her. She laughed lightly again. I licked at my lips. “So… since you’re already out do you wanna hang here with me?” I asked.

“Yes! Ugh, god. Just… hell yes.” She huffed and tugged the hat on, tucking her pony-tail into it.

I nodded over to the swings and walked over, sitting back down as Jeanna took the swing to the right of me. She kicked at the ground while I pushed off.

“Hey. Marcy?” she started.

I craned my neck to look at her as I went forward. She was staring off into the distance. “Yeah, what is it?”

“Jason and I broke up,” she said easily.

My body froze when she said this and I lost my balance on the swing, falling face first to the ground as I was coming forward again. Jeanna jumped in her swing when I did this.

She reached out to me, but I pushed her hand away and sat up, grabbing the swing seat and pulling myself up.

“I-I’m sorry, what?” I said, dumbstruck.

“I said, we broke up,” she repeated, looking at me weird.

“Why?” I asked as I finally got off of the ground.

“He’s been seeing some chick from my old school since I left,” she said. She reached up and started to finger the hoops on her ears again. It looked like there was a new piercing on her left ear; a star shaped stud through her cartilage. “Like, I’m not depressed about it or anything. I never liked him in _that_ way, you know? But… it’s confusing.”

“Wait wait wait,” I said, stopping her from saying anything more. “You mean he _cheated_ on you!?”

“It couldn’t be cheating if we weren’t actually together, but yeah.” She licked her lips again and tugged on her ear.

My jaw fell open. “Dude! That doesn’t matter! You were technically a couple, even if you weren’t ‘together’. You called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I don’t get why you’d use those terms so loosely!”

“Marcy, calm down,” she said, eyes widening.

“Me!? Why aren’t you freaking out about this!? Who the hell are you and what have you done with my best friend!?”

“Dude, stop,” she said, firmer.

I bit my lip and put my face in my hands, shaking my head. What the hell was happening? The guy fucking _cheated_ on her. Just knowing that filled me with a certain rage I was unaware I was capable of experiencing before.

_What the hell? I hate this! Does she even understand the severity of this!? Even if it was a forced relationship the guy could’ve had some decency…_

“Marcy, calm the fuck down,” she said, bumping into me with her swing. “Why are you the one stressing over all of this?”

“Because you won’t and I care about you,” I said, the words escaping before I could control them. “I don’t understand how you can be so calm about this.”

She reached out and touched my shoulder. “Because I knew that you’d tell me to calm down. I didn’t realize that you’d be the one to freak out.”

I groaned and closed my eyes tight, reaching up to my neck to rub at the knot that had been there for several days. “Sorry.”

Jeanna pulled away and I sighed as I tuned into the sound of the chain creaking under her weight as she pushed back and forth. I stole a glance and furrowed my brows. Her gaze was still distant, though I knew it wasn’t because of the infamous (now)ex-boyfriend. She tugged on her ear, pulling on the hoops so much it looked like she was going to rip through the skin.

_Okay, something’s up._

Irritation towards not knowing made my head rush as I stood and stepped in front of her swing, taking hold of the chains and preventing her from moving again. She met my gaze with wide eyes.

“M-Marcy…”

“That’s not all of it, is it?” I insisted. “There’s something else you’re not telling me.”

“Marcy, stop,” she said, voice weak as she turned away from me. “It’s just something stupid, I can take care of it.”

“’Something stupid’? Are you kidding me?” I said, letting go of the chains and taking a step back to see her better. “Jeanna, if something’s eating at you just tell me. You’re my best friend, I want to help. Y-you’ve done so much for me, it’s unfair that I can’t do the same.”

Jeanna continued to avoid my gaze and swallowed. “I’m sorry, Marce. I-I’ll tell you later. Just not right now…” she trailed off.

“Define later,” I persisted.

“I dunno, maybe tonight if it comes up.”

_What? You’ve got to be kidding me!_

I pushed my irritated thought aside and sat back in the swing. “M’kay.”

We chatted for a bit after that about how our breaks were going. Apparently Jeanna was more than happy to gripe about her parents and how they weren’t even around a majority of the time, and when they were they’d just pester her about school. She went off about how her grades were much better this year than they had been, thanks to me. My cheeks flushed a little at this.

“Marcy!” Anna’s voice shouted. I looked over and saw her running towards me.

“What is it kiddo?” I asked, getting up to meet her. I crouched down a bit so that I was at her eye level.

“I’m hungry, is it time for lunch yet?” she asked.

“You ate before we came!” I exclaimed, taken aback by this.

“So? That doesn’t mean I’m not hungry?” she pouted, sticking her lower lip out a bit.

Behind me I could hear Jeanna laughing. I turned around and raised a brow.

“Now I know why you can handle living with Sasha,” she said, grinning and shaking her head.

Anna’s expression shifted into confusion. “Sasha?”

“We share a room at the school,” I explained, standing straight and rubbing at a knot in my neck.

“Like how Momma and Daddy share a room?” she asked.

“Uh, no. Not really. We each have a half of the room. My stuff is on my side, Sasha’s stuff is usually on her side…”

“So like how the kitchen and dining room are connected!” she said, expression bright. Clearly she was proud of herself for coming up with such a great comparison.

I smirked and reached down to ruffle her hair. “Yeah, more like that.”

Anna squirmed and batted my hand away.

“I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that this is your little sister,” Jeanna said, reminding me that she was still there.

“Yeah,” I said, turning to stand by my sibling. “Jeanna, this is Anna. Anna, this is Jeanna. My best friend.”

“Does she go to the school too?” Anna asked, looking up at me.

Jeanna smiled in a way I’d never seen before and she got off the swing to properly meet the kid. “Yeah, I do.”

That smile was confusing me. Was it… gentle? Jeanna had her moments, but this was new.

“Dude, she’s like a tiny you,” she said, looking between the two of us.

Anna grimaced. “No I’m not! I’ve got my daddy’s eyes and my momma’s hair,” she complained, folding her arms over her chest in a huff. “Marcy got momma’s eyes and daddy’s hair.”

“I bet it’s the freckles,” I guess, playing along as I folded my own arms, mirroring her.

She stomped her foot and huffed again, shaking her head dramatically. “It’s _always_ the freckles!” she exclaimed, shaking her head so that her curls hit her in the face.

Jeanna continued to smile as she stuffed her hands in her coat pockets. Our gazes met and I smiled sheepishly, shrugging.

“I’m still hungry,” Anna announced.

“You ate like an hour ago!” I argued, frowning as irritation creased my forehead. “You’ll get fat if you eat constantly like that.”

“I dunno, Sasha’s pretty thin,” Jeanna supplied. I looked over at her with wide, accusing eyes.

“Dude. Not helping,” I complained. Sighing, I looked at my watch. It was barely 10:30. “Kiddo, fast food joints are still serving breakfast. You can wait for lunch.”

Anna groaned and let out a huff. She knew better than to argue with me for too long. I’d always win. “Fine,” she griped, turning on her heel and returning to the playground. I kept a close eye on her as she climbed up a ladder and rejoined her friends.

 _Looks like I’m going to be here for a while_ , I thought, sighing again.

“Do your parents even realize you’re gone?” I asked cautiously.

Jeanna scoffed, tossing her head to shift her bangs. “Hell if I know. They’re at work, whatever work is.” She bit at the inside of her cheek as she went back to the swings. I watched her closely as she fiddled with her earrings, fingers catching on sliver hoops and twisting studs.

 I sat beside her and rubbed at the knot in my neck again. Neither of us said much for a long while. After sitting in silence for who knows how long, Anna returned wanting to go home for lunch. Jeanna and I said good-bye before going off in opposite directions.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

The rest of the day had passed quickly. I watched TV with Mom and Anna for a while until dinner. Afterwards I shut myself in my room and watched random movies on Netflix until I passed out.

Marco seemed to be waiting for me. The scene today was a grassy hill, a barely setting sun bright and warming my skin. As usual I was in my PJs and he was in that uniform thing, though he seemed to have taken off the belts and his jacket was beside him while his sleeves were rolled up to his arms. A breeze blew across the scene, brushing my hair out of my face.

“You look pretty melancholy today,” I commented as I sat beside him in the grass.

“Still getting used to all of this,” he said softly, staring off into the distance. “It gets lonely being out here alone.”

My expression faltered and I nodded. “Sorry,” I said.

“It’s fine,” he said, meeting my gaze with a slight smile. “I see you every other day, so that’s fine.”

“Jean and Jeanna would probably smack you for saying that,” I thought out loud, making him laugh.

“Heheh, yeah. I know,” he said. For a moment he was quiet before saying, “You saw her today. Something’s bothering her and I think I might now what.”

My eyes grew wide and I ended up intruding on his personal space. He didn’t seem to mind as I exclaimed, “Really!? What is it?” I was dying to know. I just wanted to understand so I could help her.

Marco breathed deeply, pulling his knees to his chest so he could rest his neck. I sat back again. “You know how you and I are different projections of the same soul, right?” I nodded. We’d talked about this enough that I kinda understood. “Well sometimes certain projections are closer to each other than others. That’s why I can talk to you while you’re asleep.”

“How does that relate to Jeanna?” I asked, confused.

“Because Jean and Jeanna’s projections are close like ours,” he said. Marco rubbed at his neck some more. “Close may be a confusing adjective to describe this. Er… Sometimes projections can… affect each other. Because of my death it caused Jean to see some pretty bad things. And since that idiot joined the survey corps, he’s seen even more.”

Marco had tried to explain his world to me. Emphasis on ‘tried’. It was all pretty confusing to me. Nevertheless, I put a hand on his shoulder as my way of comforting him. He covered my hand with his for a moment, his way of acknowledging my efforts. I pulled away as he continued.

“Jean’s experiences are being shared with Jeanna as nightmares, I think,” Marco said. “That pire you saw her draw the other day?  It was mine. M-my body’s, really…” My eyes grew wide. “At least I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. You didn’t get a good look, so I can’t tell for sure.”

I frowned at this but didn’t say anything about it. “Okay, so if it really is their connection, then what can I do to help?”

“I have this theory,” he started, letting his knees go as he sat back on his elbows. “Our projections influence each other, so maybe if you get close to Jeanna it’ll work in reverse. Jean’s experiences are affecting Jeanna, so maybe it works both ways.”

“Uh, can you be a little more specific?” I asked, tensing nervously.

Marco sighed and I could tell he was getting irritated. He remained calm, however. “If you get close enough to Jeanna, then maybe Jean won’t feel as stressed. Like, he won’t feel as alone. It’s a win-win situation all around; you get the girl, my guy stops stressing, and I’ll be able to relax.”

The knot in my neck came to mind and I rubbed at it with my index and middle fingers. “So you’re the reason my neck has been hurting.”

He laughed at this and lied back in the grass. “Sorry Marcy,” he gasped, smiling up at me sheepishly. Finally. A real smile. “I didn’t realize I could stress so much as a ghost.”

I smirked at him but it faltered when the scene glitched. My brows furrowed. “What was that?”

“You’re waking up,” he said simply, closing his eyes and trying to relax. “Guess that means you’ll be leaving soon.”

“Leaving!? I just got here!” I exclaimed, standing up.

He laughed again. “Stop fighting it, you dork. I’ll see you later, okay?”

The scene faded and there was a ringing in my ears. My phone.

I groaned loudly and reached across my pillows, palming at the mattress trying to find it. My fingers met with something hard and I lifted it up, squinting at the bright screen as my eyes struggled to adjust. The ringing stopped as the call in progress went to voicemail.

 _Who’s calling me?_ I thought, yawning. I stiffened when it started ringing again before relaxing.

I hit the talk button and yawned again. “Hello?” I said, my voice groggy from sleep. I hated talking over the phone.

“Marcy?”

My brows furrowed. “Jeanna?”

“Y-yeah, it’s me.” Her voice was scratchy and I could hear her breathing heavily against the mic.

“Are you okay?” I said, yawning.

“I-I’m not sure,” she said sniffling.

I shot straight up at this and my eyes grew wide. _Is she crying!?_

“M-maybe it was just a dream,” she started. I could hear her swallow. “Or a nightmare. I don’t know what to call it. But… I-I’m freaking out. I needed to talk to someone, and it’s not like I have a whole lot of friends I could talk to, so I automatically called you and…”

“You’re rambling,” I said, cutting her off.

“S-sorry,” she said, clearing her throat. “A-and I’m sorry for waking you up, if I did. And…”

“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “Look, if you need to talk I’m here. Okay?”

There was silence on the other line for a moment before she cleared her throat again. “I just… I’m not sure…”

I waited for her to go on, Marco’s words bouncing around in my head as she was silent.

_Whatever’s happening on his world has to be horrible…_

“Hey,” I started. “Do you need to meet up somewhere?”

The line was quiet for another moment. “What about your folks?” she asked carefully.

“They’re heavy sleepers,” I said, shifting the covers off of me as I swung my legs over the side of my bed.

“You’re insane, and it’s midnight,” she pointed out.

“So? If you really need to meet up, tell me where to go. I swear I’ll do it.”

“M-Marcy…”

“I’m already out of bed,” I said, stepping to my closet to grab my boots.

She huffed. “Marce, seriously?”

“Dead serious. Now tell me where I’m going,” I said, lowering my voice as I pulled my coat on and wrapped my scarf around my neck.

Jeanna stammered profusely, obviously confused. “I, uh…”

I tip-toed down the stairs and looked around, just to make sure no one was still up, before exiting the building. Cold wind nipped at my cheeks, sending chills down my spine. “I’m already out of my house, now tell me where I’m going.”

“Th-there’s this diner on the eastern edge of Jinae that’s open late,” she said finally. “It’s probably a bit of a walk for you though…”

“It won’t be a problem,” I reassured her. “What’s the name of it? I know this town pretty well, so it won’t be hard to find.”

“I don’t actually know… It’s pretty easy to spot, and it’ll be the only place with lights.”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “M’kay. It’s your turn to pay for food if we end up being there for a while.”

“Yeah yeah. A-and Marce? Thanks…”

A slight smile tugged at my lips. “Yeah, sure thing,” I said. We said good-bye and I locked my phone screen.

-

About half an hour later I found myself standing outside of a restaurant that didn’t actually have a sign with the name on it. It was styled like an old fashioned diner, which was pretty cool. There was a bike parked outside and through the window I could see Jeanna sitting in a booth. I assumed that the bike was hers, considering she lived in closer to Trost. She was fidgeting, pulling on her ear, and her hair was down.

I walked in and she looked over at the door to see me. Her eyes grew wide and she shifted out of the booth, running at me and throwing her arms around my neck. I nearly lost my balance, but quickly returned the hug, bending down slightly so that I wasn’t picking her up. We’d hugged a couple times before, but this was… different. And for good reason.

Jeanna swallowed loudly and I could feel her hot breath against my neck. “God, y-you’re alive,” she breathed, sniffling again. “You’re okay…” She buried her face into my shoulder and I felt her breathing get shallow as she tightened her hold on me.

“What do you mean?” I asked gently, wondering just what the hell Jean saw that could’ve given Jeanna the impression that my life was in danger. “Of course I’m alive.”

“Y-yeah, of course,” she said, letting me go and pulling back. She palmed at her face, as if to make sure she wasn’t crying. I felt my heart stutter at this, my affection for her making me worry more than I assumed friends worried.

Jeanna cleared her throat and licked at her lips. “Thanks, Marce,” she said. “I got you a hot chocolate, since I know you don’t like coffee.”

I offered her a smile. “Thanks.”

The two of us sat in the booth; Jeanna trying to make it looks as though she wasn’t staring at me. It was unsettling.

After some time sitting there, I was the first to speak. “Are you okay? Like, you were freaking out on the phone.”

She sighed and stared at the mug in her hands. “I don’t know,” she said softly. “I’ve been having these crazy dreams recently…” She trailed off, as though reluctant to go on. After another moment, she cleared her throat. “Can I tell you about them? Like, you’ll probably think I’m insane…”

I scoffed at this, Marco’s visits automatically coming to mind. “I’m sure I can handle it,” I reassured her, reaching out to cover one of her hands with mine. She smiled slightly at this and nodded.

Jeanna sucked in a deep breath and I pulled my hand back as she started. “So… for like a month I’ve been having these crazy dream slash nightmare things. They don’t last very long and it’s always the same setting. This massive city surrounded by walls, a-and there are people we know in them. Sasha, Connie, even Eren Fucking Jaeger…” She ran a hand through her hair several times, fingers moving under her lengthy bits to tease the fluff hidden behind her blonde locks. “I-It felt like you were there too,” she said softly. “But it wasn’t actually you, I don’t think. Either way, there were these… monsters that broke through the walls. Th-there were so many that died. It was horrible. And all of us were fighting them back.”

She went quiet for a moment, lifting her hand to her mouth and biting down on her knuckle as her gaze went distant. My brows furrowed in concern. I reached out to her but she pulled away slightly.

“It was like I lost my best friend,” she said, her tone a whisper. “Like… you were gone. I didn’t think much of it before, but tonight…  i-it was worse. I couldn’t stop crying and fucking hell…” Jeanna palmed at her face, swallowing again. Her eyes were bloodshot and the skin around them was inflamed and red.

_Okay, that’s it._

I slid out of the booth and took a seat beside Jeanna. She tensed briefly as I got close, but eventually melted as I put my arms around her shoulders. Her head fell against my chest and I heard her sniffle again, coughing lightly before swallowing once again.

“You’re alive,” I heard her whisper in a tone she obviously thought I couldn’t hear. I pulled her closer, one hand holding her head and running through her fluff. More than anything, I wanted to do _something_ for her. But if Marco was right, then this was all I could do.

_I really hope that this works…_

We continued like that for some time, Jeanna trying her hardest to not cry from sheer relief that I was okay. It was alarming, but I stayed with her.

Jeanna and I had parted ways after a while, though she still seemed incredibly reluctant. I tried sleeping when I finally returned home at, like, 2:00 in the morning. My parents didn’t seem to know that I’d gone anywhere, and that’s how it would stay.

Sleep didn’t come, no matter how hard I tried. And eventually I gave up and went back to watch movies. My mind was so tired I don’t even remember at what point I finally passed out. I do, however, remember Anna trying to wake me up.

“Marcy!” she shouted in my ear, prying away the pillow I’d been cuddling out of my arms so she could start attacking me with it.

I let out several muffled ‘mph’s as she whacked me. Luckily, I’m not the kind of person that can sleep with only one pillow. I managed to stuff my head under another pillow and try my best to ignore her.

_I am invisible! Agh! Why aren’t my invisibility powers kicking in!_

_Because you aren’t a super-human Marcy... You know that won’t work, right?_

_Shut up, I can still try._

“Come on Marcy! You have to wake up!”

“I don’t have to do anything,” I grumbled into the pillow I was now using to protect myself.

Anna growled at this and thwacked my head again. I grunted when it made contact and eventually made an attack of my own. I rose from the covers and latched onto my little sister, rolling over so that I was on top of her.

She let out a choke cry for help. “Marcy, you’re heavy!” she managed.

A smile tugged at my face as I cuddled her tiny form, sticking my nose next to her neck. She squealed loudly as I breathed. The child was incredibly ticklish, and it gave me plenty of ways to torture her. I locked my arms in place and continued to lie on top of her.

“Marcy!” my dad called, the familiar almost-British hint to his tone catching my attention. “Come on dear, it’s almost noon!”

I’d almost forgotten that Dad had the day off. It was a relief, really. I hadn’t had any time to spend with him since I’d come home.

Reluctantly, I let Anna go and she crawled away. I sat up and launched a pillow at her head, knocking her to the ground. She started yelling at me, but I knew she wasn’t mad. We had a good relationship, one full of teasing and pillow fights.

As usual, I threw Anna over my shoulder and went down the stairs with her like that. I was happy she was so light. Mom scolded me as usual, a bit of Italian slipping before she shook her head. Dad was at the table with a tablet, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

It seemed that Mom had already gotten started on our Thanksgiving dinner. We didn’t have a turkey. No, we were non-conformists that weren’t even native (well, Anna and I were but our parents weren’t). We always had a massive ham for special holidays. And because our closest relatives lived overseas, it was always just us.

Anna made her way to the pantry, jumping to grab a box of cereal. I didn’t even know what we had in our pantry anymore. That simple fact made the concept of this being my home almost foreign…

 _You’re getting hung up on random crap, Marce,_ my mind scolded. Sighing, I stepped over to the same closet-ish door and looked up and down the shelves. I pulled a box of honey puffs from the middle shelf and set to work making my breakfast. The rest of the morning was pretty mellow.

It was like that for the rest of the day, honestly. Nothing at all interesting happened. At dinner we ate while mom and dad talked. Anna forced her green beans upon me and I didn’t mind, because they were my favorite.

My sleep was dreamless that night. The rest of my break until Sunday was like that as well, with only couple visits from Marco.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

Anna ran straight from her room to mine Sunday morning. I’d managed to wake up before noon, miraculously, in an attempt to pack my things. Mom was going to drive me to the school while Anna went next door to be baby sat by our neighbors.

“Do you _really_ have to go?” she pouted, getting up onto my bed to be more at my level.

I smiled softly at her, pulling her into a massive hug. She giggled as I nuzzled into her neck. “Sorry kiddo,” I said, “but I gotta.”

She let out an irritated moan as I let her go. Anna crawled around on my bed until she was behind me and put her arms around my shoulders.

“You’ll see me in a month for Christmas, kid,” I said, folding a shirt and packing it into my suitcase. “And then you’ll get me for two weeks. And then there’s  spring break, and before you know it I’ll be back for the summer. It’s not the end of the world, you know.”

“Of course not, there’d be zombies if it was,” she joked, poking at my cheek repeatedly where I knew a patch of freckles had captured her attention

I finished packing like that; Anna clinging to my shoulders as I tried to reach the clothes my mother had cleaned for me. I was capable of doing my own laundry (and often ended up doing Sasha’s as well), but she insisted.

“Alright kiddo, getting up,” I warned. Her grip around me only tightened and I locked my arms around her knees as I gave her a piggy-back ride down the stairs, the wheels of my suitcase thumping against the carpeted steps.

Mom was waiting at the door for us, my TA hoodie in hand for me. I lowered Anna so I could put it on over my black tee. I smiled at her and nodded. We all knew I wouldn’t see them for a while, but it was life now and we’d already grown used to it.

The sky was a dull grey, filled with clouds that seemed to fit the setting of my leaving.

_I hope it doesn’t rain._

Anna had always hated holding hands, because it made her feel like a little kid (which she was, but she didn’t like that). To my surprise, she grabbed onto my hand and refused to let it go as I escorted her over to the neighbors. I rang the doorbell and Anna sniffled.

“Hey, are you crying?” I asked, looking down at her.

“N-No,” she stammered. “I got something in my eye…”

I laughed at this, knowing she’d gotten that line from a TV show or something. Crouching down to her level I wrapped her in a hug. “You’ll see me soon, kiddo. Promise.”

She pulled away to hold her hand out, pinky up for me to take. “Pinky promise?”

I laughed again, wrapping my pinky around hers. “Pinky promise.” I kissed her forehead as the neighbor lady came to take her. Anna went inside but stared at me through the window as I went to the car.

The drive to the Academy was quiet, the radio acting as nothing more but background noise. It was about a 45 minute drive to the Academy if traffic wasn’t bad, due to it being in the next city over. We’d gone so far from home to make sure that nothing from my past could follow me into what we were trying to make my new beginning.

By the time we got to the school Mom was crying, just like she had when she dropped me off back in August. They were quiet tears, and there weren’t many of them, but you could hear her breath catch and it was the saddest thing in the world. She leaned across the car to give me a hug, and I returned the gesture.

“Stay safe _bella_ ,” she said gently into my shoulder.

_Oh crap, I don’t want to cry!_

“I-I will,” I said, swallowing down a lump that had formed in my throat. “Promise.”

She nodded and pulled back, pressing the button to pop the trunk so I could get my suitcase. I got out and went to retrieve it, giving my mom a reassuring smile as I closed the trunk. She stayed there until I got inside the dorm building.

“Marcy!” I heard someone shout. The next thing I knew Sasha threw herself at me in the form of a hug, sending me spinning in order to keep my balance.

“Woah!” I cried out, losing my balance. Someone came from behind and tried to catch me, but I was too heavy and ended up falling back on them.

“Jesus Christ,” I heard Connie gasp. My face paled when I realized I was crushing him. “How much do you weigh?”

“Connie, you don’t ask something like that!” Sasha scolded from where she was lying on top of me. He growled at her and I could feel him try to push me back.

“Sasha, get up!” I ordered. “I’m turning your boyfriend into a pancake!”

The both of them cried out at the same time to deny this, insisting “I’m not her boyfriend!” and “He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Okay, this is officially the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” a voice said. As if I weren’t already pale, I looked up to see, of course, Jeanna staring down at us.

I shoved Sasha off of me and scrambled to get off of Connie. Offering him a hand, I pulled him off of the ground and the three of us stared at her.

“H-Hey,” I stammered.

She met my gaze I could’ve sworn her cheeks were pink.

_You dork, it’s cold outside._

“Hi,” she said simply, leaning against her suitcase handle. “So, what started that fail of a threesome?”

My face _burned_ red when she said this. “I-I…”

“It was Potato Girl’s fault,” Connie said, folding his arms across his chest and shaking his head. “She attacked Marce and I tried to catch them.”

 _Thank you for speaking up,_ I thought at him,

“When will you get over the potato thing!?” Sasha cried out, coming over to smack at his arm.

Connie laughed. “Probably never.”

She growled as she continued to whack at him, Connie laughing while Jeanna stared in confusion. She met my gaze and I saw her mouth ‘potatoes?’

All I could do was shrug, seeing as I had no clue what they were talking about. Using the distraction Connie has provided, I grabbed my suitcase and made my way over to Jeanna.

“How was your break?” I asked. The two of us started towards the stairs.

Jeanna sighed. “Not too bad. Thursday was awkward though.”

“How come?” My head tilted as I looked over to her.

“My folks use Thanksgiving as a way of getting together with their business partners and crap like that, so the house gets really crowded. And, uh…” She swallowed and her gaze got distant. “S-since our parents are still friends… shit, um… Jason was there…”

My eyes grew wide. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy,” she said, rolling her eyes, "but I nearly punched him so I have no clue what to do about that,” she griped, picking up the pace to the second floor.

“Hey,” I said to grab her attention before she went too far. “I’m going to put my bag away and then I’ll come to your room and you can rant about life all you want. M’kay?”

Again I thought I saw her cheeks flush, but I ignored it. “Yeah, okay.”

I smiled at her and went to my dorm while she stayed there on the stairs. To my surprise, the key seemed to slide in easily.

 _It’s been sticking for months, and now it’s finally working,_ I thought with a sigh. Shaking my head, I dropped the suitcase onto my bed and returned to Jeanna. I left the door unlocked for a change.

Jeanna was still waiting for me at the stairs, though for now she was staring at her phone. She didn’t look pissed, and the screen wasn’t even on. Judging by the way her leg was bouncing and the fact she was pulling at the rubber cover, it was almost as though she were waiting for something to piss her off.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked, leaning against a wall.

She huffed and looked at me with a pinch expression, one that I couldn’t really read. It shifted as she nodded, allowing a smile to tug at her lips. “Yup.” She let out a grunt as she stood up, stretching a bit before grabbing her suitcase. Jeanna met my gaze and looked at me. “Come on.”

I nodded and followed her. Jeanna stayed quiet, and honestly it was a bit unsettling. Her gaze remained distant as we went up the last few flights of stairs and made our way to her room. She pulled a key from her pocket and opened the door.

Like always, I sat down on the desk chair. Jeanna let out a huff as she shut the door with her foot.

“Do you still remember my laptop password?” she asked as she hefted the suitcase up onto her bed.

“I think so,” I said, watching as she pulled the aforementioned device from a front pouch.

Jeanna nodded and handed it to me. We’d gotten to that point in our friendship where laptop passwords couldn’t keep us out of each other’s stuff.

I clicked in the proper combination of random keys and a paint-splattered wallpaper welcomed me. “Any websites you need pulled up?”

She clicked her tongue pensively, humming slightly as she opened up the case. “Um… Pandora should be logged in already, so can you bring that up? I need to listen to different music.”

“Mhm,” I hummed, pulling up Chrome and typing in the web address. Jeanna had practically forced me to get a Pandora account, setting up stations for me. Luckily, I always liked what came up. As much as I liked the piano, growing up without listening to much else made me open to suggestion.

I put the stations on shuffle, that way something soft would eventually come up. Behind the normally dark clothes and the multitude of earrings, Jeanna had a soft side that I’d seen a couple times before. While she liked My Chemical Romance, she also had a soft spot for OneRepublic and Coldplay. Those songs she was more likely to sing along to, and I loved that about her too.

_God dammit, Marce. You keep going back to love. Stop with that stupid word._

With a huff I sat the laptop down on the desk, where a thin layer of dust had started to settle.

“You should probably clean this place up,” I thought out loud, my nose scrunching up a bit.

“I’ll deal with that later,” she said dismissively, messing around with her clothes. I watched as she sorted her clothes into piles depending on whether or not they were tops or bottoms.

I pursed my lips and rested my chin on the backrest. Something was bugging her still, and if it were the nightmares I’d feel guilty.

“So was there any other reason why you wanted me to come with you to your place?” I asked, lifting a brow.

She glanced at me as a _Paramore_ song ended, a commercial starting _._ “What do you mean?”

“Well, like,” I started, shifting and pushing against the ground so I would start spinning. “We’re hanging out but not doing much.”

Jeanna rolled her eyes and stood up, tossing a grey camisole over her shoulder. “Well, what do you want to do?”

The commercial ended and answered that question easily. The song playing caused a massive smile to pull my lips up into a grin. “Hehe, I have an idea.”

It was Young Volcanoes, by _Fall Out Boy._ It fell under that category of soft songs and I stood, grabbing onto Jeanna’s hands and forcing her to dance with me. Out of sheer habit she was already humming and trying not to smile.

“Come on,” I pressured, bending down slightly and staring up at her. “Smile for me?”

She cracked, and eventually she caved. Jeanna started singing, and I tried my best to follow along as I spun her around.

“ _We are~ wild,_ ” she sang, grinning. “ _We are like young volcanoes._ ”

I giggled and tried with the next verse, singing it like she did. Jeanna laughed again, a _real_ laugh that I’d been trying for ages to get out of her. I continued to make her dance with me, and we laughed as we did so.

But when the last verse started playing, something changed. At the line _do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby?_ played, Jeanna had met my gaze and there was a pink flush to her cheeks again.

 _What the hell?_  

I slowed down the dancing, eventually coming to a stop as we stared at each other.

“Marcy?” Jeanna started.

Blinking, I met her gaze again. “Yeah?”

And then my fantasies came true. In the dorkiest of ways she smushed her face to mine and kissed me.

All I can remember is my face being warm and tasting mint, because I passed the fuck out when it happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You remember that episode of SnK where Armin was put in charge of the plan to lure out the titans that were in the building he and a bunch of others were trapped in? And once everything is fixed Marco nearly faints? Yeah, I don't feel bad at all about Marcy dropping to the floor.
> 
> Still no real notes. I'll try updating on time next week ^_^;;  
> Be prepared for awkward blushing dorks that don't understand life, but until then
> 
> I'd love any feedback you might have, by the way. I love kudos and they make me smile every time I see that they've been dropped off, but I desire some comments. I can only get better with criticism.
> 
> Until next time, take care darlings <3


	8. Can't Help Falling In Love With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they finally spit it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hopeless here! I'm either updating really early in the morning, or late at night. Depending on you're perspective.  
> But here we go! It's shorter than I'd like, but I figured just over 5000 was a decent stop. I was faced with a lot of writer's block this time around and I couldn't figure out how to progress.  
> Also! I've been working on Jeanna's PoV for a bit as well. In case you were curious about that, I've got the first two chapters posted and they correlate with this fic. 
> 
> Writer's block over with, let's go to the links.  
> The song this chapter's title is named for can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhQp5wJyRUo). It's super mushy, which I felt fit for this particular chapter.  
> As always, [my tumblr](http://hopeless-alchemist.tumblr.com). When people aren't flirting with me, I tend to post a crap ton of OTP fluff. Come join the madness, it's fun ^_^

* * *

 

 

I feel like it’s a universally known fact that all girls are a little bit gay. Or at least, we all tend to act that way towards one another. We call each other cute, hug more often, aren’t afraid to poke fun with each other, _giggle_ … However, there are also universally known limits and restrictions. An unspoken code, if you will: there are certain ways a girl-friend can look at another girl-friend, there are certain ways that one can talk to their girl-friend, and there are certain things that you _do not fucking do_ while with a girl-friend. Kisses were _definitely_ off limits.

Jeanna and I had always interacted in a rather friendly manner towards each other, but nothing that would have told those around us we were in a relationship that was anything other than platonic. On occasion we’d hug, we wrestled numerous times, slept in the same bed every Friday, and when necessary we would huddle together for warmth (like that one day when the heater for the dorm building had made it colder inside than outside). By now I was well aware of things like boundaries and limits, and had never crossed them in real life. Dreams, on the other hand… They were another story altogether.

When I heard Jeanna yelling at the infamous-ex the first time I woke up in her dorm, I was certain she was straight. The whole, “you know I’m not like that” thing and the context surrounding it had left quite the impression on me. So what had changed that?

In any case, I was well aware of the fact that I’d fainted and even more aware of what had caused me to do so. I had no clue how long I was out for, but as my eyes opened they seemed to lock onto Jeanna’s wide caramel orbs. She was hovering over me and her mouth was moving. After a moment my hearing returned and I realized she was trying to get my attention.

“Marce? Oh my god. Marcy? Hey, Marcy? Are you okay?” she asked, tone panicked.

I shifted and nodded. At least, I think that’s what I did. The world was still fuzzy and my senses were foggy, but I could smell apples. “Mh, yeah. I think so.”

She blew out a sigh of relief. “Fucking hell. You, uh… you passed out and it sounded like you hit your head pretty hard. I tried to catch you but you’re kinda heavy and I nearly landed on you, so…” She trailed off, her cheeks pink as her gaze travelled. Her hand reached up and started playing with her fluff.

Nodding again, I pushed myself up into a sitting position. My head throbbed and I winced slightly as I held it in my hands. Jeanna reached out to me, scolding me.

“Take it easy,” she said carefully, helping me shift so that I was sitting against the frame of her bed. “I… I’m gonna, um, get you something to drink.”

I nodded in response, my hand reaching back to nurse the bump on the back of my head.

 Jeanna returned quickly with a bottle of water from her fridge. She had already opened it for me. “Uh, here,” she said, holding it out. I nodded a thank you and brought it to my lips. The water felt cool as it went down my throat. Refreshing. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and she took the bottle from me. Breathing deeply, I shifted where I sat and tried to relax.

“Thanks,” I said finally.

“Marcy, I’m so sorry!” she cried out, startling me. I jumped slightly at her outburst, staring with wide eyes as she sat gripped her pant legs while her blushing face hid behind her bangs. She spoke quickly, as if trying to get everything out at once. “It was so stupid of me to kiss you like that! But I couldn’t help it, because I’ve been in a pissy mood since I last saw you and all I wanted was to be _with_ you and I… I really like you, okay!? I never thought that I could even ever like a girl like _that_ , or anyone really! Because people are such ass-hats! But then you came along and you and your stupid freckles made me so happy and I…!”

“You’re rambling!” I said loudly, trying to stop her. Even if she was hiding behind her bangs, I could see that the tips of her ears had turned red by now.

“S-Sorry…” she said, voice wavering. I could hear her swallow. Jeanna’s right hand let go of her jeans so that she could brush her bangs away from her eyes. She face was burning out of what I assumed was embarrassment.  “A-and I’m sorry about everything…”

“Don’t be,” I said, cutting her off before I could stop myself. Her head shot up and her gaze met mine for the first time since my waking up.

“What…?” she started before I interjected.

Biting at my lip, I tried, “I-I-I, uh… I mean… Um, what I’m trying to say…” I cringed at the way I’d lost the ability to speak properly, and I looked away from her as my cheeks warmed. My right hand started to mess with the watch on my left wrist, twisting it around and occasionally pausing so my fingers could mess with the glass and metal face of the clock.

Jeanna let out a loud groan and sat back, pulling her knees to her chest so she could hide her face. “I’m such a fucking idiot!” she cried out, whimpering a little. “I’ve fucked everything up!”

“No!” I exclaimed, eyes getting wide again. She looked up slightly, brows furrowed. “I-I-I mean, the… the, um… the feeling is m-mutual?”

The room went silent, the two of us left staring at each other with wide eyes and blushing faces.

_You told her. You actually fucking told her! Well… sort of._

_Yeah, but now what!?_

“S-So, what do you mean by that?” Jeanna eventually asked me.

_Oh, come on!_

Moaning slightly, I pulled my own knees to my chest. “Hngh, this is so awkward,” I whined, my voice at a higher pitch than normal. “I’ve liked you since we met and now that the feelings are being returned I don’t know what to do...!”

“Since we met?”

I froze. _Oh crap, I said that out loud didn’t I?_

“Y-Yeah…” I said, smiling sheepishly while my hand went to rub that knot in the back of my neck. _Dammit Marco._ My voice continued to waver as I looked away, my eyes locking on one of the posters on her wall. “I guess since we’re letting everything out into the open, I should admit that since we met I’ve… wanted to be close to you.”

“Seriously?” Jeanna’s cheeks were still flushed as she leaned forward and got nearer to me. Her eyes grew wide for a moment. “Ah! So that’s why you choked when I called sharing your food an indirect kiss!” Her lips pulled up into a grin and she started laughing, her chortles breaking the silence as she clutched at her side until she fell over onto her side. Swallowing, I flipped the hood of my sweater up and tugged on the draw-strings.

_I am invisible!_

_No, Marcy. You aren’t._

_I can always try, can’t I!?_

I hadn’t even noticed the quiet until I could smell apples again. It was such a familiar scent, one that I automatically associated with her. As she was the only other one in the room, I knew it was her when the hood was being pulled off of my head and a hand forced me to look up. She was so close; I could smell her sweet scent and those caramel orbs of hers were looking me over. Her smile was crooked, one of the corners of her mouth turned up.

“Hey, Marcy?” she started, shifting as her gaze flitted.

“Yeah?” I asked, curious.

The crooked smile shifted into a devious smirk. “If I kiss you again, are you going to faint?”

My face pinched as the flush on my cheeks deepened, as if that were even possible. “If?” I said, mimicking the first time I’d come up to her room.

“Yeah…” Her tongue licked at her lips and she swallowed, nervousness visible in her expression.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” I said, smiling slightly.

She nodded. “Then can I? Uh, kiss you? I mean… Since, like, the last one was such a fail…”

I laughed at this and nodded. “Y-Yeah.”

Jeanna leaned forward, bringing a hand to cradle my cheek. Her skin was warm and the smell of her made my head rush again. Her thumb brushed over my freckles as she moved to catch my lips with hers, taking the lead while I did my best to mimic her movements.

To be honest, I’d never really kissed someone like this. When I was with _him_ we’d kissed some, but it never felt like this. This felt… right. Perfect, even.

It was awkward, but nowhere near as bad as the first time. I kept my eyes open until our lips met, and from there my arms let go of my knees so I could put them around her waist and pull her closer. Eventually she moved to straddle me, her arms wrapping around my neck as she pushed me back into her bed frame. We kissed a few times, her tongue trailing along my lower lip each time we parted. I laughed when she did that and she pulled back to beam at me. It was like an amazing dream, up until a crack of thunder brought us back down to reality.

_Shit! Way to kill the mood universe!_

Despite the snarky thoughts, my body had frozen and my heart was racing. Jeanna noticed automatically and acted accordingly.

“Fucking hell,” she griped, getting up. “I saw clouds and shit, but I didn’t think it’d get any worse than that. At least you’re with me, right?”

My lips tugged into a smirk, the taste of Jeanna still fresh when I licked them and offering some solace. “Yeah…”

Jeanna’s suitcase dropped beside me and she pulled me up by my forearm so I was standing. It was just one crack so far, and I could still focus to an extent.

She reached out to me and brushed my hair to the side. My brows furrowed until I realized that she was putting her earbuds in my ears. Jeanna huffed as she turned on her iPod, just in time for another crack of thunder to make me jump.

“On the bed,” she ordered, pressing play so that music would start playing to drown out the sound of the storm. I obeyed and sat down, Jeanna sitting beside me and pulling a sheet around us. Because I was a little taller, I was rarely the one being held. Now, however, Jeanna held me close to her chest as she nuzzled against my head.

The storm outside got worse and despite the loud music I could still hear it every time. And every time it pulled those memories and I’d bury my face into Jeanna’s chest even more, my fingers gripping the sheet as tears trickled out. She wiped away my tears each time, and now that things were out in the open she’d taken to kissing the top of my head to act as another way of trying to convince me that everything was fine while a storm raged in my head. I tried to focus on her beyond the music: her soft tone telling me to breathe and reassuring me that she was here, her gentle touch as she rubbed careful circles against my back. But I could barely sense her anymore as the glitchy memories inevitably took over.

Those glimpses of the past made me cringe. It was like living in a movie, but the disk was scratched and jumped from scene to scene. No matter how much I tried to piece it all together, I still had no clue as to just what exactly had happened that day. It was just another thing I had to accept…

-

After nearly an hour (according to Jeanna) the rain finally slowed to a point where there wasn’t quite so much energy in the clouds. She continued to hold onto me protectively, like I was fragile…

And in that moment I was. I’ll admit that the quietly sobbing Marcy in her arms was me, but it was a weak version of me. As much as I hated it, as much as it _killed_ me, I had to accept the fact that I wasn’t as strong as I’d tried to convince myself I was.

“Hey,” Jeanna started, lacing her fingers around mine as she pried the sheets out of my hands. “Want to get something to eat?”

Sucking in one last deep breath, I nodded and relaxed. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Jeanna shifted where she sat and untangled the sheet so we could get up. She stood and stretched, lifting her arms over her head. I couldn’t help but stare as her top rode up and I could see her lower stomach. I looked away when she pulled it back down.

She’d noticed, however, and she looked at me with a devious grin. “Were you staring at me?”

I bit my lip and tried not to smile. “Me? Staring at you? Haha, yeah. You’re funny, you know that?”

Her laughing forced that smile to show. “Come on, dork,” she said, taking hold of my hands and bringing me up off of the bed. “Let’s get food.”

Still holding onto one of her hands, I straightened out my clothes and followed her out of her room.

“So… is this a date?” I asked as we started down the stairs, a light flush coloring my cheeks as I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ears. It was a change; letting my face be seen rather than hiding it behind my hair.

Her steps faltered and the grip she held onto my hand with loosened when I said this. She looked up at me and I froze.

_Crap! What do I do, she’s not saying anything! Oh god, should I have not said that…?_

After a moment, however, she laughed a little and met my gaze with a smile, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. “Sure, but it’s still your turn to pay.”

A flood of relief washed over me and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding when I saw that smile.

_A date… An actual date!_

The grin that stretched my face apart when I said that was probably the dumbest looking thing in the world at that moment. “Y-Yeah, okay.”

She laughed again and shook her head at me, probably thinking something about my being a dork. But I couldn’t help it. It would be a real date (I refuse to consider anything that happened between me and _him_ part of a relationship). A date with my best friend, and that was quite possibly the best feeling I could have had at that point.

**-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-**

The previous night had been like a dream. We’d successfully made a smooth transition from best friends to girlfriends, and everything felt incredibly surreal. We called our going out our first official date, and when we returned to Jeanna’s room I was free to kiss her. We kissed alot and it was just tooperfect.

However, as if to balance things, the universe had made lunch the next day incredibly awkward.

 _I AM INVISIBLE!_ I thought as I tugged my grey hood over my head, sinking lower into my arms.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! All of you knew!?” Jeanna practically screamed. I could feel the rest of the people in the cafeteria staring at us and it made my chest get tight from the anxiety.

_You’ve gotta be kidding me…_

I came out of my make-shift turtle shell momentarily to scold her. “Jeanna, not so loud!”

She huffed as she sat down, folding her arms over her chest. “Sorry… But seriously!?”

“The only one too dumb to realize was you,” Eren said with a scoff.

Jeanna growled but restrained herself, ignoring him for the most part. Armin said something to him about being provocative.

“It’s all Krista’s fault!” Sasha blurted out. My eyes grew wide as my gaze went from Sasha to the tiny blonde. Krista was frozen as her mouth fell open. “She’s the one that found out and told everyone!”

The mortification that had come with this conversation pulled out my shy side. I had my moments, but the embarrassment I was feeling did nothing to help.

 _Hngh, this is so awkward,_ I thought as I resumed my previous position. After a few minutes of listening to them all argue it finally got to be too much.

I slammed my hands against the table and stood up, towering over everyone. I rarely snapped, but this was an exception.

“Will you guys just shut up!?” I yelled at them all, the hood falling off of my head. They all stared at me, dumb-struck (even Annie seemed surprised by my outburst). “L-look, we get it. I was a love-sick idiot and Jeanna was as dense as a rock. Things are settled now, so can we get off of the topic?”

The entire table froze, but eventually Connie and Sasha nodded. “Yeah, we’ll drop it,” she said.

The others followed suit and eventually we settled back into our usual routine. The energy around the people sitting around us felt tense, and as I looked at their faces, some even a bit nervous. About what, I couldn’t tell. But I chose to ignore it.

Jeanna reached over and took my hand, holding it carefully as she pulled me back down to my seat. Her smile was gentle and reassuring. However, I couldn’t help but feel as if dealing with our friends would be the least of our troubles.

But as the person I could now call my girlfriend ran her thumb over top of my hand, all of my worries vanished. And at that moment, everything was perfect.

-

After school I was relieved to find my piano back where it belonged. Jeanna took her place against the wall and she fished out her sketchbook. There was a thin layer of dust on the keys that stuck to my fingers as I tried to play.

 _Let’s see…_ I thought, playing a scale to get my hands used to the feeling of the piano again. I hummed with the notes and sighed, the familiarity taking over. The soft skritches Jeanna’s pencil made lulled me into a sense of security.

Hearing the sweet notes was a rush, my senses being overwhelmed. I moved slightly as I played, the music high I was falling into taking over. There were few things in this world that made my head rush like this, and while kissing Jeanna was definitely up on that list, the chemicals my brain was producing thanks to the piano would be there forever.

I started playing the song that I’d written before the break. Across the room I heard Jeanna start humming.

Eventually the skritching stopped. I kept playing as Jeanna made her way over to the bench and sat down beside me.

“You’re really good at this,” she said, getting closer and leaning her head on my shoulder.

I hit an extra key and froze. I froze because I think that was the first time I’d ever been praised for my playing. My instructor was strict and let me know when I was doing well, but rarely said much more. I’d always thought that I was good, but I’d still kick myself when I made little mistakes.

After a moment I let my head fall to my right, my cheek resting on top of her head. “Thanks,” I said, leaning into her.

Jeanna nodded with a sigh. “Do you want to go yet?” she asked me.

“Getting hungry?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Not really.”

“Getting bored?”

“Yeah.”

A smirk crossed my face and I shifted so that she lifted her head from my shoulder. “I could always help with that.”

She jumped a little, not expecting me to say something like that. “O-oh yeah?” she said, her face flushing. Even with the shit lighting I could still tell.

“Mhm.” I grinned and got up to straddle the bench, leaning forward so I could kiss her. Jeanna kissed me back eagerly, getting even closer. She put her arms around my neck and leaned into me. Piano forgotten, I lied down on the bench and pulled Jeanna on top of me. We both laughed a little, pulling apart briefly to smile at each other.

We continued on like that for a while. I don’t even know when Sasha walked in, only that she did.

“Oh come on!” she exclaimed, causing the two of us to jump apart. I fell to the floor while Jeanna hurried to the opposite end of the piano.

“S-Sasha!” I cried out, getting up. Jeanna came back and pulled me off the ground by my upper arm. “What are you doing here!?”

She folded her arms over her chest and frowned. “I was coming down here to ask if you guys wanted to go out with me, Connie, and the rest of the group.”

“What for?” Jeanna asked, brows furrowing.

“For the sake of socializing and being friendly?” Sasha said, a snarky pitch to her tone as she folded her arms over her chest. “Jesus, it’s been like a day and you guys are already hard-core making out? Seriously?”

I gripped at the ends of my hoodie sleeves as my face flushed. “Remember that deal we made?” I said, hopefully to get her off topic long enough.

Sasha stared at me, head slightly tilted. “What are you talking about?”

I folded my arms over my chest and straightened out my back to make me look taller, giving the illusion that I was intimidating. “Back when everyone found out and you were pushing me to ask Jeanna out? You said that you would ask Connie out when I asked her out. Last night was our first date, so now you have to uphold you’re end of the deal.”

The brunette’s eyes grew wide as she looked from me to Jeanna and back to me, a horrified expression pulling at her face. “Are you kidding me!?”

I could hear Jeanna snickering from behind me, her doing so putting a smile on my face. “No kidding. Now, where are we going for food?”

“The Garrison Diner,” Sasha answered. “The one where the employees’ uniforms have a bunch of roses all over them.”

The two of us nodded simultaneously. I looked over my shoulder at the girl behind me. “It’s your turn to pay for food tonight.”

“Aw come on,” she whined, hefting her bag onto her shoulder. “It’s not a date.”

“So? It’s still your turn.”

Jeanna rolled her eyes at me and bumped into my shoulder.

“As nice as it is to see my roommate _not_ stressing over you,” Sasha started, impatience making her irritable, “we do have about seven other friends waiting for us.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jeanna said, shifting her backpack. “We’re coming Potato Girl.”

“I told you, don’t call me that!” Sasha whined, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Smirking at my companions, I gathered my things and started for the exit, my right hand somehow finding Jeanna’s left. Our fingers threaded together as we followed Sasha out of the school and down the sidewalk.

 _This feels too perfect,_ I thought as I breathed in the cool November air, a smile still pulling at my lips. It had been there for a majority of the day, save lunch. But things felt so right, with Jeanna by my side and the bottle that had held all of my buried emotions broken. That “bottle” had now been figuratively thrown from Jeanna’s dorm room on the fourth floor and was now in several figurative pieces, forcing everything free.

To my pleasant surprise Ymir and Reiner had joined. My fellow freckle-face had latched onto her blonde, arms around Krista’s tiny waist.

“Welcome to the land of the homos, excluding Connie and Sasha,” Ymir said, beaming at Jeanna. The aforementioned two shouted across the restaurant. Laughing, she reached out and clapped a hand on her shoulder as we neared, finally letting go of her girlfriend. “So we all know that Marcy’s been dying to get in your pants for the last couple months, but when did you finally realize you fell for her?”

My face burned red and my eyes widened to the size of saucers when she started talking. _Oh my god, did she really just say that!? She did. Oh god…_

Jeanna’s grip on my hand tightened slightly, apparently noticing my panic. I glanced at her and saw that her face was burning as well.

“C-Can we sit down before getting into that?” she said, voice wavering.

Ymir shrugged and went back to Krista, putting and arm around her shoulders and leading her to the long half-booth half-tables that ran along the back wall. All of the members from our table group were present. They all seemed to have paired off. Connie and Sasha were together, for whatever reason Mikasa and Annie were a pair, and even Eren and Armin had paired. Most of them already had food. Jeanna and I sat at the end, me on the booth side and her taking the chair.

Everyone had fallen into their own respective conversations. Some talked about school, others (more like the only two in college) flirted. Jeanna and I sat in silence, our usual routine fucked up. We couldn’t exactly do our work here, despite how much Jeanna still needed my help.

Eventually she got up to get us drinks, leaving me alone. I watched her leave, her ponytail flopping against her back as she walked off.

A sigh escaped my lips. _How familiar. Leaving to get drinks again…_

“Hey Marcy,” Ymir sing-songed, coming around and sitting beside me. She draped an arm around my shoulders. I went tense at her touch.

“Yes?” I asked, nervous.

“So when did you finally decide to tell her?” she asked, flashing me a devious smile. “You waited for almost two months, so what happened?”

“I didn’t,” I said, shrinking away.

Ymir’s brows furrowed and she shifted to better meet my gaze. “You mean _she_ confessed?”

I licked at my lips. “Y-Yeah, sorta.”

She would have said more, but the overwhelming presence that was Jeanna took over. I looked up and saw her standing in front of us.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her tone confused and her brows furrowed.

Face flushed, I reached up and unwrapped Ymir from around me.  “J-Just talking,” I said, trying my hardest to stay calm.

She narrowed her eyes and I could feel her mentally calling me out on my bullshit.

 _I’m really hating that our relationship has become the most interesting thing our friend have right now,_ I though bitterly, nodding a thank you to Jeanna as she sat down and gave me my drink. With a huff I leaned forward to rest my arms on the table and rested my chin on them, holding my straw between my teeth and sucking absentmindedly.

“You okay?” she asked after a moment, her caramel orbs catching my wandering gaze.

My eyes rolled at this. “I’d rather not be here, if we’re being honest. Call me OCD, but I prefer our routine.”

She nodded and started drinking some of what I assumed was root beer, since it was her favorite.

We sat in awkward silence for a little longer. At some point I started tapping on the table, as if I were playing a piano but not really. It must have gotten annoying because Jeanna was eventually trying to hold my fingers down with her palm.

“Babe, relax,” she said, offering me a smile. The pet name made my cheeks flush and I nodded.

She was one to talk, however. I’d noticed her tugging at her earrings.

Things took a turn for the dramatic when Ymir suddenly stood up, doing so getting everyone in the group’s attention.

“M’kay, so I’m guessing you guys are wondering why you were forced to come down here,” she said. Murmurs amongst our group gave her an answer. “Well, I’d like to announce that Reiner and I are going to be having another get together soon so that we all can interact before the winter break. It’s going to be just us, to make sure nothing like last time happens.” She caught my gaze briefly and I knew exactly what I was talking about.

“Anyways,” she continued after a moment. “You guys are invited and I expect you to come. If not, well… Use your imagination.”

My face paled and I immediately resumed drinking my soda.

Ymir went off about some other things, but I didn’t pay much attention. 

_Another party? Is that a good idea?_

_It’s only going to be these guys. That’s just twelve people. Nothing can happen, just calm down._

_Calm down? I am calm. What are you talking about?_

A hand reached out and snapped in my face, pulling me out of my head. I blinked a few times before realizing Jeanna was staring at me.

“Babe, are you okay?” she asked. My cheeks flushed again and I nodded. Her lips pursed. “You sure? You keep zoning out.”

I licked at my lips and shrugged. “Lost in thought is all. Nothing’s wrong.”

Jeanna still didn’t seem to believe me. I couldn’t blame her, though.

We settled into the ambient conversation eventually. Upon discovering he was a massive nerd as well, Jeanna became acquainted with Reiner rather quickly. Eventually they were poking fun at each other while Bertholdt and I sat awkwardly across the tables, watching our companions carefully.

After some time, a few of our friends left. Namely Eren and Armin. Ymir watched them as they left and immediately rushed over to our side of the table.

“You didn’t tell them, did you?” Ymir insisted, gaze narrowing as she leaned in between Reiner and Jeanna.

“You told me not to,” Reiner said, frowning at her.

Ymir nodded. “M’kay.”

“What didn’t he tell us?” I asked, curious.

My fellow freckle-face straightened out her back and folded her arms across her chest. “You’re lucky you and Jeanna got together when you did,” she started. “The Christmas party is just an excuse to force together the more reluctant couples.”

My brows furrowed. “Reluctant couples?”

“You mean Eren and Armin, and Connie and Sasha?” Jeanna said.

Ymir nodded, a grin creeping up on her face. “Yup. Unless they get together within the next couple weeks, then they’re in for a rude awakening.”

I patted the table to get their attention. “W-wait, what do you mean ‘Eren and Armin’?” I asked. “The other two I get. But them?”

All of the stared at me in disbelief, eyes wide and Ymir’s jaw slack.

“What?”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Ymir asked. “I’ve known them for a few years now, so obviously I’d understand. But they’re so obvious about it. They’re constantly hanging on each other, and the way they look at each other? It sure as hell isn’t friendship.”

Allowing my mind to wander, I thought back to the numerous lunch periods I’d had with the two. Eren tended to use Armin’s shoulders as an arm rest, and the conversations they’d get into…

“Do you see it now, babe?” Jeanna asked.

“I…” I started, feeling my face flush slightly. “Uh, yeah…”

“Well then, now that that’s happened,” Ymir started again, leaning against Reiner as if he were a wall, “I’m gonna need your help on the day of the party. Help me force them together.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I asked. “I mean, Connie and Sasha could use some help. But Eren and Armin?”

“It’s a fantastic idea,” she argued. “The feelings are there, you know? They just need a little shove in the right direction.”

Licking at my lips I nodded, though part of me felt like this was going to go horribly wrong in the long run.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, another party and another OTP of mine. Did I ever mention that I ship eremin? No? Well, I do. And I didn't actually plan on putting that in here. But it got me through the writing wall. And now I have more plot stuff! Woohoo!
> 
> As always, I love comments. Feedback is amazing and I need to know how I'm doing. So please?
> 
> Beyond that I guess it's time to say farewell. Take care darlings <3


	9. In Love With Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmares are getting worse for Jeanna, but reality is just as stressful when Ymir's plans threaten to tear two best friends apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for how long it took me to update this. I face-planted into a writing wall and it took some time for me to find the door...  
> And do you have any idea how strange it is to be looking up Christmas songs in _August_? It feels pretty damn strange. 
> 
> Anyways! Hello my darling readers! Look at all those hits! I've already decided that if this gets over 1000 hits I'm going to give this fic a tag on tumblr. I'm not sure what would go into it, seeing as it's not that popular, but there'll be something.  
> Speaking of tumblr, thank you to those of you that came over and left praise in my ask! I really love you all and I'm still smiling ^_^  
> A special shout out to Riverspirit86 for promoting this fic on tumblr! You're an awesome person and I wish I could hug you.
> 
> Since the title isn't a song, there will be no youtube link today. The [link to my tumblr](http://hopeless-alchemist.tumblr.com/) is here as usual. Come bother me, please!
> 
> Sorry for the long notes, but I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 

 

“Agh! No, you’ve gotta do it like this,” I said, tugging up a blade of grass and trying to fit it between my thumbs, blowing into the little gap. A loud goose-like honk echoed out into the never ending landscape.

Marco looked at me curiously, tugging at a blade to mimic me. “Like this?” he said, looking from my hands to his before trying to blow. The sound that was produced made me stifle a giggle.

Groaning slightly, I couldn’t help but start to laugh at the kid. I still found him adorable and had mentioned this to him before. Doing so had made his face flush, which was even cuter.

“You dork. You’re not doing it right. Here.” Leaning forward, I took his hands in mine and adjusted the position of his fingers.

“So then… like _this_?” he said, bringing it up to his hands. A loud honk sounded and he started laughing. It was such a happy sound, and the energy he radiated almost made the scenery around glow even brighter.

“Yeah,” I said, smiling brightly. Pulling up another blade I stuck it between my thumbs and cupped my hands together, and this time I was able to change the sound by moving my other fingers. Marco mimicked me and laughed again, the sound of the grass whistle fluctuating between low and higher tones.

He stared at his hands for a moment, fascination in his gaze as his lips tugged into a smile. “That’s so cool. Where did you learn how to do that?”

Laughing lightly I shrugged, partially amazed that he hadn’t gone through too many memories despite his inability to do much else in the afterlife. “I can’t really remember. It’s just a vague memory when I try to recall it. I remember doing it a lot when I was a kid, though. I used to bug the neighbors and my dad would get annoyed.” Memories floated through my head and I hummed gently.

_If there’s enough grass when I get home, I should teach Anna how to do this._

“So how’s your neck doing?” I asked, nodding to him. “Are you less stressed?”

Marco shrugged, dropping the grass to reach back and rub at it. “I guess. It’s not still bothering you, right?” he asked.

“I’m fine, Marco,” I assured him. It was the truth, and I knew he could tell.

“Jeanna would kill you for saying that,” he teased, a cheeky smile tugging at his face. His expression made me laugh.

I gave him a shove. “Oh shut up,” I said, my face pinching into an expression I was hoping was looked like irritation. It was hard, however, because I still thought he was one of the cutest things in the multiverse.

The two of us fell into a comfortable silence and eventually ended up lying in the grass, staring at the sunset.

“Does the scenery ever change around here?” I asked, gaze travelling across the clouds.

“Sometimes,” Marco admitted, putting his arms behind his head to act as a cushion. “It shifts from day to night. The clouds move. But this area here? It tends to remain constant. I don’t know why my limbo is like this. It’s not so bad, though.”

My brows furrowed. “Limbo?”

“Yeah. That’s what all of this is. It’s temporary,” he explained. “As projections die, we all get different states like this. Most of the time they’re peaceful. Sometimes when the person you loved dies, you get to stay with their projection until all of the projections have died. Once that happens, the soul is recycled and it starts over again. The physical world changes, but the souls all stay the same. The projections reform and reenter the worlds they previously left, but with their memories wiped clean so that it doesn’t impact the future.”

“How do you know so much?” I asked, propping myself up on my elbows so I could look down on him.

Marco breathed deeply, closing his eyes. “It’s too complicated to put into understandable words. This multiverse system we’re a part of is elaborate and difficult.”

I huffed, lying back down. “I really don’t want to die, but trying to figure this out on my own might kill me.”

He let out a short laugh. “Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that. I wouldn’t wish for this to happen to anyone.”

“It’s a good thing you found a way to talk to me,” I said, looking to my right and offering him a smile. Marco met my gaze and nodded.

Simultaneously, we let out a sigh and relaxed.

“Next time I’m stuffing a deck of cards in my pocket, since I seem to come out in whatever I’m wearing,” I informed him. “I’ll teach you how to play some games. If only they could stay behind when I leave.”

He hummed at this, eyes closing again. As far as I knew, he was incapable of sleeping. He didn’t really need it. But he could feel pain, mentally and physically, and I saw how much talking about these things hurt him. As if I was rubbing my life in his face. I felt so guilty about asking, but each time he’d insisted it was fine. Though, as had been proven before, ‘fine’ is a shit word to describe things.

The scene flickered quickly and I groaned. “Marco?”

“Hm?” he hummed. “Oh. You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

I licked at my lips, noting that he didn’t say ‘waking up’ like he usually did. “Yeah…”

“Well, don’t fight it,” his tired voice said.

Nodding, I sighed. “I’d suggest trying to turn into a ghost so you can stalk your companions today. Lying around here is going to depress you. And if you’re depressed then I’m depressed, and if I’m depressed Jeanna is going to worry, which will make Jean’s situation even worse and make a big mess.”

He cracked a slight smile. “Sure.”

The scene flickered quickly and a wave of fatigue struck me down, to the point where I barely noticed it when I found myself rolling off of my bed. Adrenaline kicked in half-way down but by then I was tangled in my sheets and couldn’t do anything other than just fall. I hit the ground with a thud. Luckily for me, the comforter I was wrapped up in served as a cushion, so I managed to not wake up Sasha.

 _Dammit,_ I thought, struggling to get up. My gaze quickly went to my alarm clock to see the time. I tended to wake up at weird times when I visited Marco. A grimace crossed my face when I saw it was almost 4:00. I’d gotten a grand total of about 6 hours of sleep. Great.

Upon standing up I was automatically made aware of the fact I wouldn’t be able to get any more sleep. My gaze shifted to my roommate. Sasha was lying on her side facing the wall, snoring softly. A sigh fell from my lips. _Good. I didn’t wake her up._

I straightened out my tank top and tugged my underwear back into place before making my way to our fridge. It let out a soft hum as I opened it and pulled out a water bottle. The gross taste in my mouth made me grimace as I tried to rinse it out. It took a bit of strength to not gag on my own saliva.

 _Ugh, gross,_ I complained silently to myself. My gaze fell to the door and I sat the bottle on the desk. _It’s late… or is it early? Hm. In any case, wandering the halls can’t get me in trouble… I don’t have anything better to do._

Taking one last glance at my roommate to confirm that she was asleep, I opened the door and left. The hall was bright and it took a few moments for my eyes to adjust, but with a yawn I started towards the bathrooms.

“Marcy,” I heard a quiet voice call out. My brows furrowed and I turned around, surprised being an understatement to describe how I felt at that point when I saw who was standing there.

“Why are you awake?” I asked, turning and jogging over to where Jeanna was standing. When I saw her clearly my heart almost stopped. She’d walked down wrapped in a blanket, her face bright red and her ears bleeding around the piercings. I reached out to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She was shaking. “Jeanna, what happened?”

She sniffed and shook her head. “I-It’s the dreams. Nightmares... M-Marcy, they… they won’t stop… I can still see it, I can _feel_ it.” She let out a shaky breath and her hand reached up to tug on her earrings. I snatched it before she could do anything, my heartbeat picking up.

“Jeanna stop,” I demanded, pulling her close. She froze. “You have to stop. You’re hurting yourself.”

“I-I can’t… I didn’t mean to…,” she whispered, her breath wavering and choppy. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

My breath caught in my chest. Her nightmares were getting worse and whatever it was I was trying to do? It wasn’t helping at all, aside from giving her a crutch.

Jeanna was breaking, and I had no clue how to make it all better.

“Let’s get you back up to your room,” I said gently, knowing that I’d be able to clean her up there.

She was reluctant to agree but didn’t say anything. Arms still wrapped around her, I helped her back up the stairs. Luck was on our side and the hall monitor wasn’t coming around at that point. It was so late/early they probably assumed that everyone was sleeping.

Jeanna kept apologizing as I walked her into her room, but finally went silent got her to sit on the desk chair. I started opening drawers, searching for the medical supplies I knew she had in there. Pulling out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, some cotton balls, and a thing of moist toilettes I set to work.

“If you keep pulling at your earrings, I am going to handcuff you to this chair,” I threatened, grabbing her bloody hands and cleaning them off.

A short, weak laugh fell from her lips. “Kinky,” she commented.

I rolled my eyes. On the bright side, she wasn’t as out of it anymore.

“Shut up and keep your hands together,” I ordered. “Which of these are too new to be pulled?”

“The stars,” she said solemnly. There was only one star in her left ear. I nodded and pushed the rest of her hair out of the way, removing the backs from the rest of the studs and unclasping the hoops. It was so different to see her without her piercings.

“Okay,” I started, turning back to dip a cotton ball into the peroxide. “I don’t think that this will hurt, but just a warning.”

Jeanna nodded and remained still aside from her fidgety hands. I reached out and dabbed the cotton ball against her right ear. She grimaced and seethed at my touch.

“It doesn’t hurt too badly, does it?” I asked, pulling back momentarily.

She shook her head. “No. The skin’s just tender, that’s all.”

I nodded and resumed what I was doing. Luckily (or not depending on how you look at it) she’d only tugged her left ear to the point of it bleeding. I still pulled the earrings from her other ear, though, just in case she started pulling at those too.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, reaching up to feel her ears. Her eyes closed and she let out a shuddering breath. “Even after I woke up it felt like I was back there. I was scared and I didn’t know how to make it stop. I wanted to see you, to make sure…” Jeanna choked on her words at that point, do her best to try and not cry.

Licking at my lips I took hold of her hands and ran my thumbs over the tops of them. “Don’t apologize,” I insisted, keeping my voice low. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead to hers, keeping her close. “I’m here, okay? You don’t have to worry.”

Jeanna nodded and moved forward to kiss me. I mirrored her and lifted my hands to her face, cradling her cheeks gently. Her breath shook as she pulled back, her amber eyes looking at me pitifully. “Please don’t leave,” she begged, her voice cracking. “Please…”

“I won’t,” I assured her. Thank god, or whatever’s out there, that it was Sunday morning and we didn’t have to go to school. “I’ll stay with you as long as you want. Promise.”

She nodded again and leaned forward, nuzzling into my chest. I helped her up and moved her to the bed, lying down beside her and drawing the blanket around us both. I trapped her between me and the wall, similar to what she’d done after she’d found me in the bathroom more than two months ago. My arms wrapped around her protectively, keeping her close.

_What a great way to start a Sunday…_

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

We stayed in bed for a good while, even after waking up. We just lied there; me playing with Jeanna’s hair and her cuddling against my chest.

At some point I got tired of the silence and sighed, causing my chest to rise and stir Jeanna. She sat up and turned her head to look over at me.

“You wanna get something to eat?” she asked, as if everything were normal.

My brow furrowed and my hand stopped moving. “Seriously?”

“Well, yeah. I’m kinda hungry and I figured you would be too so…”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” I interrupted, eyes narrowing. “Last night, or this morning. Whatever that was, I want to know if I can help.” Jeanna swallowed and I almost regretted speaking. But it was necessary. When she didn’t say anything I kept talking.

“Jeanna,” I started, rolling over onto my side and facing her. She continued to look away. Sucking in a deep breath I said, “Don’t hate me for saying this, but you’re not strong. And you’re not alone. I’m here for you and if you want me here, I’ll always be here. Even if… something happened to me in your dreams. I’m still here.”

Her eyes glistened in the dim morning light from unshed tears. She was tugging on her earlobe again and staring into space. After a moment she sighed and inched closer to me, hiding her face in my cami.

“I do want you here. I just…” she started eventually. “I don’t want to lose you. Thanks to the dream…-nightmares, it feels like I have, but then I see you here and you’re so close I could count your freckles if I wanted to waste time… You’re my best friend but it feels like so much more than just that.” She sniffed and rubbed at her eyes. “I get that that probably sounds really cheesy, but I’m serious.”

I pulled her close again and kissed the top of her head. “You dork.”

She laughed lightly and sighed, fingers toying with her navy sheets. “We’re a train wreck, aren’t we? Kinda broken…”

“Not broken,” I said, stopping her. She looked up at me. “ _Never_ broken. We’re just…” I had to think about what to say next. A smile tugged at my face when I found the right word. “Bent.”

Jeanna looked at me weird. “Bent…” she echoed, almost as though she were testing the word.

I nodded. “Yeah. Bent but never broken. Once you admit you’re broken, it’s too hard to put the pieces back together. Being bent? That’s just what you need. No one’s perfect anyways.”

She shook her head at me, laughing lightly. “You’re such a nerd.”

“What? You don’t like my metaphysical thoughts?”

Laughing again, she moved to kiss me. “Sweetheart, I don’t even know what metaphysical means,” she admitted.

The corners of my lips tugged up into a grin and I laughed along with her. “I get bored easily when I’m loafing around the house. You can thank google for teaching me what I know about philosophy.”

Another shake of her head and she yawned. Jeanna hummed as her eyes started to close. “Hmm… We should probably get up now.”

“Probably. It’s your turn to pay anyways,” I commented, combing my fingers through her sandy blonde hair before playing with her soft fluff.

Jeanna’s face pinched. “On second thought, let’s just go back to sleep.”

“Oh no,” I said. “You’re not getting out of it this time.”

“Hngh,” she whined, burying her face into my shirt.

My eyes rolled. “Enjoying my boobs?”

“Mhm,” she hummed. My face flushed and I pushed her back, this biggest grin pulling her face apart as she beamed at me.

Staring at her with my mouth half open, I said, “Dude.”

My eyes scanned over every inch of her face as she kept smiling. Her front teeth were slightly crooked, but nothing you’d notice if you weren’t so close.

“What?” she asked, feigning innocence.

I could feel my face starting to flush. _She’s so perfect. Just say it already._

Shaking my head, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close so she wouldn’t be able to see my face. I breathed deeply and sighed. She went stiff for a moment but relaxed into the embrace.

“Hey Jeanna?”

“Yeah?”

_Here we go._

Sucking in a breath, I could already feel a slight flush spreading across my face. “I love you.”

Again she froze, and for a moment I started panicking. Was that a bad thing to say? We’d been together officially for a couple weeks now…

Jeanna practically tackled me in a hug, burying her face in the crook of my neck. Her hot breath sent shivers down my spine and I let my arms wrap around her, holding her close.

“I… I love you too,” she said, her words coming out like a whisper and the feel of her words against my ear giving me goose bumps down my arms and even my legs. “I love you so much. And even though we’re a couple of dumb teenagers I really mean that.”

I shut my eyes tight, almost wondering if I was still asleep. “I mean it too,” I said, still holding on tight.

It was all so… something like perfect. Perfect was one of those words I was always a skeptic about. Nothing could truly be _perfect,_ no matter how hard one tries _._ But just being there with Jeanna. Holding onto her and just existing in the same space with her. I loved it. I loved it so much, which made me even more bitter when someone started pounding on Jeanna’s door.

She groaned and tried to hide under the covers, pulling her comforter up over our heads. I laughed at her and rolled her off of me, moving to go to the door. Jeanna let out a ‘hmph’ and tucked her head under her pillow.

A yawn fell from my lips as I padded across the cold hardwood floor. The building’s heater tended to omit the higher floors, so while Sasha and I were able to sleep comfortably, Jeanna got stuck in the chill.

I opened the door and was met with a fuming Sasha.

“When the fuck did you leave the dorm!?” she screeched.

“Sasha, calm down,” I pleaded.

“Calm down!? Are you kidding me!?”

Yup. She was definitely pissed.

I grabbed the front of her shirt with one hand and covered her mouth with the other. “Sasha, please. Stop yelling, you’re going to wake up the rest of the hall.”

Her eyes narrowed at me and I felt something warm and wet against my palm. My eyes grew to the size of saucers and I pulled back, whimpering.

“Dude! Did you just fucking _lick_ me!?” I exclaimed, shaking out my hand and wiping it against my pant leg. I whined as I tried to rid my skin of the disgusting feel of her tongue against my palm.

“Oh dear, she’s cussing. You’d better run Sash,” I heard Jeanna from the other side of the room. My face pinched in irritation as I turned on my heel, only to be met with the smirking face of my girlfriend.

_If you weren’t so cute you’d be dead by now._

“I’m not going anywhere. You kidnapped my roommate and seeing as she’s rarely up before ten on a Sunday I was afraid something might have happened.”

A low groan passed between my lips as pressed my non-violated palm to my forehead. “Sasha, I appreciate your caring, but this is unnecessary.”

Her eyes narrowed at her and challenged her to a stare down. I only broke off when Jeanna latched onto my shoulders.

“This is fun and all, but I was kinda hoping we’d be getting something to eat soon,” she complained, resting her chin on my shoulder.

“Then we’ll go get food,” I said, folding my arms over my chest and breathing deeply.

 _You’re the mature one because you have to be, not because you want to be,_ I thought, turning on my heel and closing the door in Sasha’s face. She started pounding on it and yelling from the other side.

My gaze shifted to Jeanna, who was rummaging through her desk drawers, mumbling to herself.

“What are you looking for?” I asked, my head tilting to the side a little.

She let out a dorky cheer and held up a rectangular case. “Fucking hell, you little bastard,” she cursed at it. For a brief moment she looked up, meeting my gaze, and her face paled. “Marce, promise you won’t laugh at me.”

Brows furrowed, I said, “Why would I laugh at you?”

“Because…” She seemed to shrink as she opened the case, pulling out a pair of thick rimmed glasses and slipping them on. My eyes widened. They were stereotypical nerd glasses, minus the tape. She shifted uncomfortably. “I ran out of contacts yesterday and I hate having to wear these things. I mean… they’re the right prescription, but…”

“Jeanna, you look so hot right now,” I said, practically frozen where I stood.

Her head shot up and she stared at me. “Seriously? Never pegged you as one for a glasses fetish.”

My face flushed and I shrank slightly. “It’s not just the glasses, you dork.”

She smirked at me and put her arms around my shoulders. “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” I hummed, grabbing her waist and pulling her in for a kiss.

The pounding on the door resumed. “I hear a lot of talking, but are you guys ever coming out!?” Sasha shouted from the other side.

“Stick a cork in it Potato Girl!” Jeanna shouted. I laughed when Sasha started pounding even harder.

“Don’t provoke her,” I said, giving her a nudge. “And do you have any of my clothes I can change into?”

She went quiet, thinking about this. “Yeah, I think so. I’ve got a pair of your jeans and some old shirts. I can loan you a hoodie if you want one.”

I nodded. Since I didn’t have a bra with me at that point, I’d prefer to cover up my boobs. And it was cold out, so it worked either way. “Yeah, sounds good.”

Jeanna pulled away and went to her dresser, opening one of the top drawers and pulling out the aforementioned items and tossing them to me before she started pulling out her own clothes.

Turning around I set the shirt on her bed and pulled my cami up over my head, changing. Despite the fact that we’d changed clothes around each other, I was still self-conscious about my scar. It was just Jeanna and I had no reason to think she would judge me over it (she’d seen it before after all), but still…

The hoodie completed my outfit and I pulled on the pair of boots I’d left once. Jeanna and I nodded to each other and started for the door. Sasha was slumped against the wall beside the door, messing around with an app on her phone. I think it was Piano Tiles, but I couldn’t tell.

“There you are,” she said, failing her game and standing up. “So what’s for breakfast?”

I started laughing loudly, a scowl pulling at Jeanna’s face. “Yeah Jeanna, what’s for breakfast?”

She looked up at me and glared, amber eyes looking at me as though she were trying to burn a hole through my head.

“I’m willing to pay for you, but Potato Girl is on her own,” she said, stuffing her hands in her pockets as she walked away.

Sasha’s expression contorted. “I told you to stop calling me that!”

I laughed at them again, taking my place beside Jeanna.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Because Sasha and Connie still hadn’t gotten together by the time Ymir’s party came around, they were still on the shit list alongside Eren and Armin. To be honest I felt sorry for them, but at the same time grateful that Jeanna and I weren’t also on that list. Had things not gone the way they did almost a month ago, we’d be subject to what we’d started calling Ymir’s Pairing Plan.

Ymir had gotten in touch with us about plans for the party and such. Since it was only going to be our small crowd, she’d planned some things to keep the reluctant couples together as much as possible before what she called her Grand Finale. She’d also found mistletoe when she’d gone into the city and had decided that if things didn’t seem to be going anywhere, she’d force the couples together.

It was hard trying to keep Armin in the dark. We had several classes together and were often partnered together on in-class assignments. I kept feeling guilty, knowing that if he and Eren didn’t get together things could go horribly wrong. But when I saw the two interact at lunch (now that I knew I’d started looking at them differently) it didn’t seem like anything could ruin their friendship.

I’d stayed at Jeanna’s dorm as usual the weekend of the party. She didn’t seem to appreciate the surprise I had in my bag.

“Come on!” I begged. “It’s a Christmas party!”

She gave her glasses a nudge so that they’d sit properly on her nose as she scoffed at me. I’d managed to convince her she looked better with her ‘hipster’ glasses.

“You forget, sweetheart,” she said. “My family isn’t exactly one for holidays.”

My lips tugged into a pout. “Please,” I pleaded. “You love me don’t you?”

Jeanna laughed through her nose. “Marcy you’re my moon and stars, but I refuse to wear that tacky monstrosity,” she said, gesturing to the bright red Christmas sweater I’d spread out on the back of her desk chair.

“I could always force you into it,” I warned, folding my arms over my chest as I narrowed my eyes at her. 

“You could, but you won’t,” she said, smirking.

Just to prove her wrong, I grabbed the sweater and knocked her legs out from under her, forcing her to fall to the ground as I sat on her hips.

“Agh! Marcy! Stop!” she protested, trying to pull away.

I grinned as I took hold of the ends of her shirt, forcing it up over her head. She cried out as I yanked her arms out of the sleeves, leaving her in just her bra.

“Marcy, I’ll wear the sweater! Just get off, you’re too heavy!”

She wasn’t mad. I could tell by her tone and the way she was trying to not smile.

“You’re fine. I’m on your hips, not your stomach,” I reasoned, pulling the sweater up over her head. She whined as I shoved her arms into it before going limp.

“I hate you,” she groaned, fixing her glasses so she could glare at me.

Smiling, I leaned forward on her and kissed her. “No you don’t.”

“Hm. You’re right. I hate this sweater.” She looked down and tugged on it, scowling at the Christmas tree and lights that were sewing into the knit.

“It’s not that bad,” I said, backing off and helping her up.

“It’s horrible, Marcy. And what about you?” she said, folding her arms over her chest.

“Just give me a second.” I made my way back to my bag and tugged out a similar red sweater, this one with a reindeer on the front of it.

“Okay, I’m suddenly very grateful for the fact you gave me this one instead of _that_ ,” she said, staring at it with wide eyes. “Thank god there’s not a tail on it.”

A smirk crossed my face as I set the sweater down, turning around so my back was to her as I changed.

“Not fair,” she said. “You get to strip me and I can’t even see you as you change.”

I froze going stiff when she said this. It wasn’t a conscious thing. I just tended to turn around.

Quickly, I tugged the sweater over my head and straightened it out. “I didn’t do that to spite you, you know.”

Jeanna came closer to me, tugging the collar down and revealing the scar. My breath caught in my throat. “Yeah, I know,” she said carefully, wrapping her arms around my torso and resting her head against my chest. A smile tugged at my face and I returned the embrace.

Things returned to normal when she pulled back. “There’d better be food at this thing,” she said as she put on her coat and beanie, tucking her hair into it. Jeanna smirked at me as I fought with my scarf. Eventually she extended a hand for me to take and we left her room.

Krista and Bertholdt were driving us like before and I was hoping that they’d get there on time instead of leaving us in the cold. December in this area sometimes felt like living in the arctic.

The grey clouds hanging overhead made everything feel colder. I could smell snow in the air, despite the lack of it on the ground.

_Snow is a million times better than a thunder storm, as long as we don’t get stuck in it._

_…I really hope I didn’t just jinx that._

Sasha and Connie were already at the sidewalk. Down the road I could see Eren, Mikasa, and Armin coming up to all of us from the Maria dorm. I still felt guilty, but I was also hoping that it’d work.

“How long have you guys been waiting?” I asked when we got to the top.

“A few minutes or so,” Sasha replied, meeting my gaze. “Not too long. Krista should be here soon.”

I shifted my sleeve up so I could see my watch. It was almost five.

It didn’t take too long for our drivers to arrive. Bertholdt and Krista appeared a few minutes later. The seating arrangement was the same as usual. Annie was already in Bertholdt’s car. Sasha and Connie climbed into the back of his car while the rest of us got into Krista’s van.

As expected the drive didn’t take very long. Staring outside at the clouds was actually comforting for the first time in a long time. Clouds typically meant rain, and with rain came storms. But these were different. Peaceful.

Krista parked in the road outside of the house, letting us all out. Ymir had apparently been standing by the door, because the moment Krista got out of the van she ran out the door, latching on to the little blonde and swinging her around.

“Put me down!” Krista complained, pushing at Ymir with a smile on her face.

Ymir kissed the top of her girlfriend’s head and set her down, still holding onto her. “You guys remember what’s going down tonight, right?” she said softly as the other three made their way into the house.

“Your Pairing Plan, right?” Jeanna said, folding her arms over her chest to try and fight back the cold. “Yeah, we remember.”

She nodded. “Good. Reiner and I set up things that should keep the couples together. He went out and found a gingerbread house kit, and considering the spuds have a thing for food that should keep them occupied.”

“Spuds?” I inquired, slightly confused.

“Yeah, because of the Potato Incident,” Ymir said, a grin tugging at her face as she fought back laughter. “There’s a reason Sasha’s nickname is Potato Girl, let’s just say that. So she and the short stack are the spuds.”

 _What the hell is the Potato Incident?_ I wondered, brows furrowing.

_Probably best not to ask…_

“Anyways,” she said, moving on. “Eren and Armin are going to be a little more difficult. Food doesn’t distract them nearly as long. However, I pulled out some old books that I found. Eren seems to love listening to Armin go off about things, and Christmas has gotta be the perfect kinda topic for Arlert to ramble on about.”

“So what do we do?” Jeanna asked.

“Be the ones that keep them together. Like, monitor them or something. Sasha and Connie will be attached at the hip as usual, and Mikasa will be with Annie so Eren and Armin should stay together. But just in case.”

I nodded, though I was still confused. _Mikasa and Annie? Aren’t they roommates? I didn’t know anything was going on with them. Though I guess that’s why they aren’t a part of the Pairing Plan…_

“M’kay, so now you guys know what to do,” Ymir said, turning to start walking to the house. “Reiner went to the trouble of making a massive Christmas style dinner, with a ham and all that good stuff. The guy makes the perfect housewife.”

“Awesome!” Jeanna cheered. “I’m starving.”

We took our coats and things off when we got inside, hanging them on a rack along the wall. The interior of the house smelled like fir trees, thanks to candles that were scattered around the ground floor. A radio was turned on somewhere, and Christmas carols started As we got towards the back, where the kitchen and dining room were, I could smell the food.

I had to stifle a laugh at the sight of Reiner. He really did look like a housewife, though it was probably because he was wearing an apron. Bertholdt was standing against the counter, smiling at his boyfriend.

“Hey look, you got glasses!” he said, commenting on Jeanna’s appearance with a smile. “Looks good. Those sweaters are a bit much though.”

She smirked. “You’re one to talk big guy,” she teased, nodding to him. “Didn’t know you were into the culinary arts.”

“Everyone’s always surprised by that,” he said, pulling off the apron as he continued to smile. Reiner looked over us and at the living room area. As expected Armin had found the books and he and Eren were on the floor looking through them like little kids. “Ymir told you the plan, right?”

“She did,” I answered. “Um. Did… did she really find mistletoe?”

He grinned at this. “Yup. She’s planning on messing around with that in a couple hours. Should be fun, though if it ends in disaster she owes me twenty bucks.”

My eyes went wide as my mouth fell open. “You’re betting on the success of this plan?”

Reiner shrugged. “It’s not hurting anybody.”

A groan fell from my lips. “Oh good grief.”

“It’ll be fine Marce,” he said, wrapping an arm around Bertholdt as usual. “It may be a mistake, but I have faith in Ymir’s dumb plan.”

I sighed, the infamous word sticking in my brain even after he’d finished speaking.

“Well, while we wait for things to get done is there anything around for us to eat?” Jeanna asked, food obviously one of the only things on her mind.

He laughed at this. “Possibly. There’s food along the counters. Grab a plate and help yourself if you’re really hungry.” He lowered his voice. “Try not to let Sasha find the mashed potatoes…”

“Did someone say mashed potatoes!?” I heard Sasha call from the other room, heavy footsteps shaking the house as she rushed to the kitchen entrance, poking her head around the corner and staring at us with wide eyes.

“How the hell did she hear that and nothing else?” Jeanna thought out loud, her voice low. I snickered at this, trying not to laugh too loud.

Sasha didn’t seem to notice, her eyes scanning the room until she found her target. She cheered as she raced for the bowl of potatoes, moving too fast for Reiner to catch her.

“Connie! I got the food!” she shouted, leaving the kitchen.

The four of us stared in shock, not completely aware of what happened.

“Um…” Jeanna started, trailing off automatically.

“At least she didn’t get anything else,” Bertholdt reasoned. Reiner sighed.

“Oh well,” he said. “There’s other food. Take what you want, but not all of it.”

I smiled and nodded a thank you to him.

Despite the fact that I hadn’t eaten much before arriving, I wasn’t as hungry as I thought that I’d be. I pulled off a bit of meat and got some sides, but other than that I didn’t feel like I needed much more than that.

As usual, everyone was paired off. Mikasa and Annie were sitting on a couch together, Annie’s legs in Mikasa’s lap while they talked (how did I not see this coming?). Sasha and Connie were eating the tub of potatoes at one end of the room. Armin was still going off about something, Eren hanging on his every word.

_Kinda amusing that everyone in the group is going out with someone else in the group. Or they will be by the time this weekend is over…_

Jeanna and I followed our orders well, keeping an eye on everyone while staying at a distance. The music in the background soon became nothing more than ambience. I wasn’t fazed by the lack of conversation between me and Jeanna. We didn’t really need to speak.

The sound of footsteps coming from the kitchen caught my attention. I turned around and saw Ymir, still hanging on her girlfriend of course, with something in her hand. My brows furrowed.

 _What’s that?_ I thought, trying to get a good look.

“Something wrong?” Jeanna asked, tapping on my shoulder. I turned to look at her, her expression confused.

“No, nothing’s wrong. Just… curious,” I said, shifting where I sat to get comfortable.

She backed off, but stiffened when the music changed, a sly smile creeping up on her face.

“What’s happening?” I said, jokingly backing away.

Jeanna beamed at me and stood up, catching everyone’s attention. Her gaze shifted to Reiner, who was still in the kitchen, the smile only getting bigger.

_What’s going on?_

My eyes grew wide when she started singing along to the song that was playing, Reiner and Ymir soon joining in. I’d never heard it before, but it seemed to be some kind of love song. Hearing the lyrics made my face flush.

“ _I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know, make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you,_ ” they all sang, their voices mixing with the radio surprisingly well. Connie and Sasha eventually joined in and I was left trying to figure out where the hell this song had come from, and why everyone seemed to know the lyrics.

Jeanna made sure to keep her eyes on me, as though she were directing the lyrics towards me. I ended up hiding my face, the smile I was wearing too much for me to handle.

“Oh my god,” I breathed into my hands. _What is going on!?_

Everyone was out of breath by the time the radio finished the song, either because they were singing or they were laughing too hard at the singers. Jeanna kneeled down in front of me and pulled my hands away from my face, grinning brightly at me.

“You okay sweetheart?” she asked, laughing lightly as she took hold of my hands, kissing my knuckles.

I shook my head, letting it fall against hers. “You’re such a dork. You’re one of the biggest dorks in the world, and the other two are standing across the room.”

“I may be a dork, but you still love me,” she said, kissing my nose. I scrunched up my face but continued to smile.

“Why does everyone know that song anyways?” I asked, pulling back.

She looked me over, forehead furrowing behind her brows. “You’ve never seen Love Actually, have you?”

“Uh, no…”

Jeanna laughed. “Okay then, that’s going on our movie list.”

I nodded before allowing my gaze to travel around the room, landing on Ymir and the sudden lack of Bertholdt. She was wearing what I could only describe as the most devious smile I’d ever seen up until then. Bertholdt was no longer attached to Reiner, and I found him walking behind the couch Jeanna and I were sitting on. I looked at where he’d come from and my face paled. Hovering above Eren and Armin was a bit of what looked like herbs with a red bow tied around them, but I knew better than that. The same thing was above Sasha and Connie.

It was mistletoe. Ymir’s Grand Finale was about to take effect.

_Oh god…_

“You see it, right?” I said so only Jeanna could hear, nodding upwards. Her brows furrowed and she looked over. Her face paled.

“And so it begins…”

“Well!” Ymir announced loudly, stepping fully into the living room area. “Look what we have here!”

_Oh god!_

She grinned, placing her hands on her hips. “If the two couples in the back of the room would kindly look upwards, please,” she said, nodding to those being affected by this Pairing Plan. They all stared at her in confusion before looking up. Simultaneously, all four of their faces became flushed.

“Oh my god,” Eren said, gawking at the offending plants. “Is that what I think it is?”

Ymir laughed. “Yup!”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me,” he said, meeting Armin’s gaze. The poor kid looked like he was about to pass out.

_I’m so sorry Armin._

“You guys know the rules of mistletoe,” she sing-songed, still beaming.

Sasha and Connie stared at each other for a long moment, completely embarrassed and I felt that same pang of guilt hit me in the gut once again. It took them some time but eventually they did kiss, crashing into each other and then getting used to it. When they finally pulled back almost everyone in the room cheered.

Ymir nodded in approval and turned to the remaining two. “Your turn.”

Eren’s green eyes widened. I watched closely, noting the way his breathing had quickened.

_I’m starting to feel really bad about this._

To everyone’s surprise, Armin was the one that made the move. The kid closed his eyes and went for it, doing the same thing that the other two did. My eyes widened at the sight, Eren internally freaking out while Armin did everything he could to try and stay calm.

The blonde pulled back, eyes still closed as his face and ears burned. Eren continued staring in shock.

“Armin…” he started, trailing off.

“I’m sorry!” he said quickly, standing up quickly and rushing to the front door, vanishing behind it.

The room went quiet. Eren still seemed to be in shock, his mouth having fallen open and his gaze distant.

Clearing my throat, I stood. Doing so caught everyone’s attention. “I’m going to go check on him,” I announced. Jeanna stared at me as I left.

The wind had picked up since the last time I’d been outside, the chill biting at my face. Armin was sitting on the porch swing, his face in his hands as he murmured to himself.

“Hey, Armin?” I started, catching his attention. He went stiff. “Mind if I sit down?”

Armin shook his head and moved over to the left some, allowing me a place beside him. I folded my arms over my chest to try and fight back the cold and noticed him doing the same thing.

We sat in silence for a moment, Armin swallowing loudly as he let out a shaky breath.

“Why did I do that?” he thought out loud staring at some point across the street.

“Ymir was being rather pushy about it,” I said, knowing fully that this was just to get him talking.

“It… it wasn’t just that,” he said softly. He sucked in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, then released it.

“You can tell me,” I offered.

Armin nodded. “Okay…” He was silent for a moment, as though gathering his thoughts. “I’ve known Eren since we were little kids. I used to get beat up a lot by kids at school and in our neighborhood, and he would always come and save me. Because of that I’ve always looked up to him, but lately…”

“Things have changed, right?” I supplied.

Again he nodded. “We’re best friends and I didn’t want anything to damage that, but after tonight… I don’t know what to do.”

“You know, I’m pretty sure that Eren feels the same way about you,” I said. This caused him to look up at me, his cheeks and nose red from the cold and brows furrowed. “I didn’t notice it until recently, but the way you two interact doesn’t really seem like just friendship. The way you look at each other… I think that everyone else knew before you guys.”

His lips tried to tug into a smile but he refused to let them.

“With things as they are, maybe you guys should try talking about it. Though if the stereotypes hold true, guys aren’t really the best at doing that.”

 Armin scoffed, shaking his head.

We went quiet for a few moments. A sudden shout from inside the house caused us to jump. There were heavy footsteps and the door opened suddenly, Eren being pushed out with a shout. Jeanna followed suit, fuming.

She grabbed Eren by the collar of his shirt. “He likes you! You like him! Discuss!” Scowling, she shoved him forward, nearly losing his balance. His stared at her in complete disbelief, eyes wide and mouth agape again.

_Oh fucking hell Jeanna…_

“Come on Marce, let’s leave these two to figure things out for themselves.”

“Uh, okay?” I stood and looked at the boys, the both of them completely frozen, before following Jeanna back into the house.

“I hope you realize how completely insane you are,” Reiner said to her when we returned.

“Eren’s been driving me towards insanity since middle school, so blame him,” she said, flopping down on the couch. I sat down beside her and she moved so that she was lying in my lap. A gentle smile crossed my face and I started messing with her hair.

“What the heck happened in here?” I asked, looking to the others.

“Eren was being thick headed and Jeanna managed to get information through to him,” Mikasa said, talking to the rest of the group for the first time all evening. “It was through fighting, but it worked.”

“There’s a method to my madness,” Jeanna joked, a smirk crossing her features.

Reiner scoffed, shaking his head at her. “It was something alright.”

“Hey, I got them talking!” she protested. “All you guys did was make food and stick mistletoe over their heads.”

“You’re all insane,” Annie said, rolling her eyes at the group.

A smile tugged at my face as they continued bickering. At some point Eren and Armin returned, the both of them nearly silent. Eren pulled down the mistletoe and tossed it aside so that they could sit in peace. Eventually the group settled down again, until about 11:00 when we Academy students had to get back before curfew.

Flurries of snow started falling around us, but the roads weren’t cold enough for any of it to stick properly. Which was lucky for us, because if it had gotten too cold and the snow started to stick we’d have had to stay the night in that house. Ymir and Reiner had made it very clear that they didn’t want their partners and friends driving in hazardous conditions.

I thought it was sweet that they cared so much about all of us. Jeanna was clearly surprised by this, but didn’t say anything about it.

We got back safely, the snow being nothing more than an inconvenience. I stayed outside after we were dropped off. I knew that we’d be getting plenty of snow this winter, we always did, but it was the first snow of the season.

Jeanna was reluctant. She didn’t understand why I wanted to stay out in the cold, but upon promising that I’d come back to her room with her she quickly shut up about it and stayed behind.

“You’re so odd,” she commented once we were back in her room. A scowl crosses her face as she started stripping, yanking off the Christmas sweater.

“You’re in love with odd,” I reminded her, grinning. She rolled her eyes at me, but smiled.

She changed into her night clothes and waited for me to do the same before getting her laptop and climbing into bed with me. My brows furrowed at the screen. “Really?” I asked.

Jeanna beamed at me again. “Love Actually is a great movie, plus it’s Christmas themed, so it’s perfect given the recent events,” she reasoned, starting it.

I rolled my eyes at her, a smile tugging at my face as I put my head on her shoulder.

She was right, of course. It was good, though a bit strange at times. But I liked it. Christmas was coming soon and eventually I’d be home with my family again. Part of me wanted to bring Jeanna along with me, since I knew how her family was about holidays, but I decided against it. I was confident that we’d have more chances to spend the holidays together in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (anyone notice the _Bent_ title drop?)  
>  Christmas comes in the next chapter, as well as New Years! And Marcy doesn't have a clue about what she's going to get Jeanna. 
> 
> There's going to be a bit of drama in the next chapter with Jeanna, and I'm hoping it'll be nice and lengthy. I'm planning on updating it before I go back to school, so I'm giving myself like two weeks. That's gotta be enough time!
> 
> But I do apologize in advance if it takes longer ^_^;;;
> 
> P.S I really love comments. Just so you know ;)
> 
>  **Edit:** Hey guys, so I've decided to do a project that ties directly into chapter 10 and I need you guys to give me songs. I'm making a playlist on 8tracks that'll be based on what you give me. Anything that reminds you of this fic or JeanMarco in general, I'll look it up and credit you when I make the playlist.   
>  Please comment a song if you have one or go into my ask box on tumblr. I appreciate your help!


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